Thursday
Dec162010
The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas
December 16, 2010 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A choking hazard in a treeeee.On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Two buttered bells,And a choking hazard in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Three whipped ghosts,(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Four day-glo Santas,Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Six pounds of icing,♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Seven snowmen melting,Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight runny egg yolks,(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?
Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.
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CCC Day #4
Click here to donate your dollar!
Reader Comments (322)
Awesome.
So funny! love it!
Thank you for your mention of Thestrals and Slimey the worm.
LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE LIKE!!!!!!
super funny and clever, par for the course!!
hahahahah love the 'beer' bit, still cracking up over that!!
You truly outdid yourself today! Great work and kuddos on slipping in a Harry Potter reference, not easy to work into Christmas cakes I imagine. You never fail to make me smile, chuckle, LMAO at 9:30am
Wow. I never comment, but this is spectacular! Very well done.
Hahahahaha!
My new favourite Christmas carol!
Now to go find those five really fun guys...
hilarious post-i like that you changed up the words each time. seriously i thought those reindeers with the kiwi's were skeletongs from dia de los muertos or something!
pure genius! Thanks for the laughs!!
Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!
(See? We were still reading!)
Thanks, as always, Jen & Co.!
My new favorite Christmas carol! I got my Cakerecks mini-wall calendar the other day & it is awesome - and $5 to the animal shelter for me..........
If you donate on Best Friends Animal Society's webpage, they DOUBLE your donation!! :) Any amount!!
Ho Ho Ho! I chuckled at the first, and was belly-laughing at the end. Thanks for brightening my day.
And a beer.....In a treeeeee!
Where's my Touc?
That was fantastic! (And I'm going to be humming that tune all day...)
Awesome! I was just teaching my 5 year old about the traditional version of the "12 Days of Christmas" yesterday.
I definitely kept reading and loved how you kept changing the lines--far more entertaining than the stodgy original.
I think my all-time favorite version would be the Bob Rivers Comedy Corp http://www.bobrivers.com/includes/lyrics.php?ID=8697" rel="nofollow">version.
You are too freakin' funny. Well done. I love this site.
Well this is a wee bit frustrating. I didn't have the means to participate last year and was rather excited that I do have the means this year. I set up and loaded my Paypal and everything. But the 4 charities you've given so far don't have Paypal options :( and I don't exactly have a credit card.
Maybe I should just pool the dollars I would have spent on the others when you DO put up a pay-through-Paypal link? Or maybe I've been blind and you've actually put up a Paypal link I didn't see? Well? WELL?? o_O (that's a meaningful look, doncha know) (ps. i love you site!)
This was the best post ever! We sat and sang the song as we read down the page.
Brilliant post! Have you been working on that all year?
Please please pleas get Jen (#1) to sing this! Only she could do this beautiful tribute to Santa being waterboarded in icing justice.
wv. rertas: the sound a small child makes when choking on the first cake.
Thanks for the Canadian Bob and Doug shout-out with the beer.....a true Christmas carol classic!
LOL this is great. But, Jen, I'm confused. On that last cake, did YOU cross out the one flower to make 12, or was that really on the cake. Please tell me it was the former. Please?
Yes I'm still reading! THIS IS AWESOME! You rock CW!
Oh, and PS, nice shout out to the Bob and Doug version of this song!
Musically excellent, funny, a great callback to the yoopers, and some awesome wrecks. I give it two thumbs up.
FA-LALALA-FABULOUS! What a great post! I was laughing so hard by the time I reached five super fun guys...takes me back to middle school science. My 3 yr old son saw the candy cane cake and said "Mommy I want a spider web cake like that!" I told him they where candy canes and he just said "Oh" and walked away. LOL!
#6 is the reason I shouldn't read Cake Wrecks at work. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
I think the "reindeer" look like Zero, Jack Skellington's dog.
I LOVE it!!!
Was I still reading? I sang the whole friggin thing!
The Slimey the Worm cake is awesome!!!
BEST HOLIDAY SONG EVER!!!!!!!!!
The funniest and best ever post.
Thank you for a good laugh after a very long night at work.
Bravo! Bravo!!! Can #1 record this for us to add to our Seasonal Collections?
And those reindeer/thestrals kinda look like Zero, Jack's dog in Nightmare Before Christmas...
Love the "fun guy" bit! Unfortunately, that's my dad's favorite joke...
And Slimey!! I've nearly forgotten about him!
Fabulous post, as always. Made my day so much more fun!
Hilarious, guys! And thanks for the Bob and Doug MacKenzie reference. This post made my day and put me into the Christmas spirit(s)!
Merry Christmas, eh, hosers!
from a Canadian Fan
HaHaHa...this is my new favorite holiday song! I saw your calendars in the mall yesterday. Walked past the booth and thought "oh, that should be a cake wreck" and it WAS. Sweetness : )
I was compelled to sing the entire post. Not sure how it turned out...
And PLEASE tell me the "beer" that appeared in the first day spot was a reference to the Canadian version of this song!
~Jenn H.
Bahaha, thestrals.
I sang every verse! (Even tho I couldn't pronounce one of the 'shroom ones)
Love. This.
Argh, stupid typo. I meant to say "I love your site!" Although, I must admit I DO love you, site...*wink* erm...yeah...*clears throat*
so...yeah? how about em Paypal links?
You and John have WAY too much time on your hands! And we love it!
Best post ever.
This was wonderful. Please make sure it is in your next book! This rates right up there at the top with your recent Star Wars/Trek et al post!! Truly epic!
The strange white creature on the kiwi one resembles Zero from The Nightmare Before Christmas to me... which doesn't make any more sense.
That's great! (And yes, we were still reading!) :) Happy Holidays to both of you!
Hey! You dropped the ball (or flotsam tree) on #8 - I was all psyched to see what you would come up with next! Of course we were all still reading, please give us some credit as loyal followers, as if!
And amazingly, #10 doesn't load on my computer ?!?
The ones with the kiwis? Sorta look like greyhounds. Or Zero, from Nightmare before Christmas. Which sorta fits in with the Christmas theme. Sorta.
Jessica
those raindeer/thestrals looked like the Star Wars robot soldiers...you know what I mean, I'm sure. From the first episodes, not the last ones. Any body with me??
Oh My God, I desperately want a birthday cake covered in cute little Slimey the Worms! Look at his happy little face!