Pastry Gags
December 15, 2010 If you've read this blog for any length of time, then you may be under the impression that only cakes can be royally wrecked. Well, in honor of National Pastry Day (which was last Thursday [so obviously it's not that honor-full]) I've decided to disabuse you of that unfairly cakist notion. Right after I go see if "cakist" is a word.
[Googling]
No, no it isn't. But "googling" is. Go fig.
[shrug] Ok, on to the pastry!
Remember those gingerbread "men" horrors I featured last week? Well, it could be worse. Meet the regular bread man:
"Yes, I know the muffin man. That dude is CRAZY."1 out of 4 Spider-Mans agree: these chocolate cupcakes are "da bomb!"
The purple flower is what really sells it.
I can't say I understand what's going on with these cream horns:
Um...
Um... Ew.
Am I right?
Yes, I know they're croquembouches. What I *don't* know is how to pronounce it. Or why Sister Mary Leia there and her fellow patron saints of sports are armed with swords. [head tilt] Huh.Packed with pistachio, these chocolate dipped knuckle sandwiches really satisfy!
And speaking of chocolate, here's a tip:
When it comes to "Bon Bon's," aim high.And lean to the right.
Still, nothing gets a rise out of a paying customer quite like a...a...
Peep with a goatee? Maybe?
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Reader Comments (99)
I think maybe the last one is trying to be a puff pastry type swan? Maybe? Okay, look, it's the best I can do. But OMG, I LOVE some of these pics. Way too funny. Thanks for the laugh. Now time to go off and donate!
that bread man is certainly a bread "woman"!! Totally curvy with elephantiasis of the arms.
On to add my dollar!
those Bon Bons just killed it for me! Cringeworthy!
WV>boant-those bugs in the canoe
Huh. Could've sworn the bread man was dried squid. But I live in HK, almost in the dried fish district -- it's what I'm used to seeing. I would only hope that this smells a bit better than that....
I think the "regular bread man" is actually something seen in some TSA security video...
#1 looks like an octopus, and #3 looks like those "novelties" sold in truck-stop restroom vending machines.
I had a croquembouche wedding cake. We could have used a sword. Those puff pastries are stuck together with hardened caramelized sugar, and then more of the sugar is drizzled over the completed pastry tower. Difficult to take apart. Our guests had to be patient, but really appreciated what one called our "Timbit cake".
Jen, if "cakist" wasn't a word before, it is now! :)
Oh, I'm glad you picked this organization again--I remember reading about them here last year and am so impressed with the work they do. Awesome!
I would serve those bon bons at a bachelorette party *eg*
The first time I heard somebody say croquembouche, I thought they said "Croak in a bush".
Sister Mary Leia = awesomeness.
Aaaaiii! That regular bread man looks like something out of Silent Hill!!
I'm surprised you didn't include this guy's bread-art!
inventorspot.com/articles/body_bread_13546
(too gory maybe?)
OMG! I laughed so hard I had tears!. thank you, thank you, thank you.. I thought the bread shaped like an aligator at Publix was bad. These are aweful.
Croquembouche is pronounced like CRO-kam-boosh.
Dawn, your Canadian roots are showing! The Americans will now have to venture north to sample our regional delicacy at the many Tim Hortons of Canada. I now have a hankering for a Timbit and a double double!
I totally want a Sister Mary Leia.
@ Wild Cakes - yes, definitely too gory for this time of the morning. Or any time. ;)
We still get it submitted at least a few times a week, though. [shudder] [twitch]
Why does any wreckawrator think adding poo will make it better?? Fools!
And its pronounced CREM BOO SHAY hope that helps!
Thanks for the laughs. Those are pretty terrific wrecks.
"Whoa. Sandworms."--Beetlejuice
Those are some scary eclairs.
I didn't even know what "croquembouche" (literally "cracks in your mouth") were until this post and I realised they are what (we) French people call "choux".This are "pièces montées",traditional Frech wedding cakes and here catholic "communion" cakes(when you are a teen and you finally enter the big catholic family beeing allowed to get the host),they are probably a mix of religion and the kids favorite sports^^
The last one really should be a chicken. Because when you see it, it's adorable. (The piece in the center is the crown, the lower triangle is the beak - he just has a body shaped like a bedroom slipper.) :)
That breadman seems to be Kogepan's evil, demented cousin! 0__0
- Gyp
Ok, now the guy fixing my front hall floor thinks I'm crazy. I should know better than to pull up CW when there are people around.
Total laughing out loud bursts that shake the walls are apparently not what he hears when he is working most days.
I'm just lucky I swallowed my chocolate pudding before seeing the bonbons and Sister Mary Leia.
Totally awesome comments, as usual.
Keep 'em coming, cake, bread, WHATever you find.
~~Di
#1: It's definitely "manly". Ahem.
#2: There's a couple things here. First, notice that these are from the delicatessen, NOT the bakery dept. Delis where I come from sell meat and certain side dishes. Second, notice the swirly bit of frosting at the tippy top of the web. Looks like Spidey had some extra and had trouble getting off his web-slinger.
#3 & 4: ROTF! Those are just wrong, wrong, wrong!
#5: No, you are not right. Ewwww. ;-D
#6: Those aren't swords, they're "life savers"
#7: Look! Corn!
#8: X-D So bon-bons are what they are called now?!
#9: You'd better be nice, that peep looks mean!
wv: chacapan: What Chaka Khan cooks with.
@Dawn, now I've got a Timbit craving. Gee, thanks!(For non-Canadians: Tim Hortons is the main chain of doughnut shops here in Canada. To say Canadians are fans would be an understatement. Timbits are their version of doughnut holes).
The first one could be an alien-- or it could be what happens to The Situation when he gets old and doughy! (ref to the cake from the other day)
#3... I think that squirt of icing should be on the tip, no?
#5 yup, works coming out of my food. that spells appetizing
Sister Mary Leia... good one! And it's CROW-kum-boosh. Or Epcot-to-be!
The knuckles don't look so bad. Then again, they're chocolate covered. So by definition yummy ;)
The stripey pastries look like dismembered zebra legs. They even have hooves. How disturbing!
Are you certain that first one is not, in fact, a "bread miscarried deformed fetus"? I'm just sayin'...
You Googled cakist
I googled croquembouches
A croquembouches looks like a stack of those mini frozen cream puffs, which are delicious btw.
Garnishing with a warrior angel, or whatever, wouldn't deprive me of the deliciousness of a mini cream puff.
Wow. I think the last one is a failed attempt at a baby Digimon in one of those Primary Village cradle things.
Yeah... I just brought THAT reference. I don't suppose anyone else knows that one.
That's really the only thing I cab see it being, though. Because it'd be an even crappier attempt at anything else.
Oh blimey, could this be a double Epcot? I think we know how crokeybush is pronounced after the last time...
I'd like some of those chocolate knuckle thingies, they look yummy!
I went to the Inventor Spot gory body parts bread.
I believe I have now seen everything.
Must have brain surgery to remove the images.
Croakemboosh.
Hope that helps. Although, nothing could help that thing.
Also, I am a flat broke law student DEEP in student loan debt so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop picking charities with goals I care so much about.
Maybe tomorrow can be the "Donate to Donald Trump" foundation or something? That would be helpful. Thanks.
(No, but seriously, these organizations are awesome, thanks for reminding everyone to give back!)
I've seen a bread snowman that was actually pretty cute. But that bread blob there is terrifying.
How to Pronounce French Words...a rule of thumb.
Leave out half the letters altogether and slur the rest and you'll be close. Say it fast and no one will notice ... unless they're French maybe.
Bread man looks like ET to me
I keep going back to laugh at the orange-smiley-eclaire-worms--they're so hysterically awful!
Off to donate!
I think that the Chocolate bombs are Smurf houses. The one with the purple flower is Smurfettes.
Sister Mary Leia = Jedis for Jesus? ;-)
I think Sister Mary Leia is suppose to be Joan of Arc - warrior maiden saint. French cake to celebrate French saint?
@ Mary Connealy:
Or, if you're in the presence of a French person, start saying it but speak very slowly, and they'll usually get fed up and tell you, lol.
Ah, the joys of being English in New Brunswick!
coucou!!
I'm french and i think very funny the croquembouches you presented : in my country, only bakers say croquembouche (it' very upper class!!!) let's say "pièce montée" it's the same thing (and easier to say perhaps???).
Félicitations for your blog, I enjoy the wrecks every day!!!
Céline
It's pronounced "Croak-on-booshe"
Okay I know you post lots of choco-poop pics, but seriously, that one with the worm is the most actually-poo-like ever. I've seen gross stuff here, but that one was the first to truly turn my stomach. I should have known better than to read while eating a brownie.
Egads. Someone should slap that baker.
what is #4???? (below the icing) IT LOOKS LIKE A JACKET POTATO!!!!
The name for those "Croquenbouche" cakes, here, are St. Honoré cakes named for St. Honoré (or Saint Honoratus), the patron saint of bakers.
St. Honoré cakes, unlike the Croquenbouche, aren't drizzled with caramelized. The ones I have had are a sponge cake, layered with lemon curd. On top of the cake, a layer of cherry filling is covered with a generous pile of whipped cream and bite-sized creampuffs and drizzled with chocolate. I used to have it every birthday for many years.
Croquenbouche is pronounced Crock ehn booch (you roll the r in crock and the "en" is sort of a nasally "on" sound with the n being silent). I'm not sure why some people spell it Croquembouche.
Oh... and Croquenbouche means "crunch in the mouth" in French.
I knew I would see a comment from someone on how to pronounce that word. I saw at least two and they were both different. To funny.
Those are great! Peep bread, who would have thought. Lean to the right....ahahahahaha