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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Dec162010

The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

A choking hazard in a treeeee.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Two buttered bells,
And a choking hazard in a tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Three whipped ghosts,
(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Six pounds of icing,
♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eight runny egg yolks,
(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?
Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Eleven candy canes that kinda look like Slimey the Worm,

See?

Ten piles of nothing (You FORGOT?!),

Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

Thirteen TWELVE fake flowers,
Eleven Slimey Canes,
Ten lots a' nothing,
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!

Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.

-------------------------------------------------

CCC Day #4


Best Friends Animal Society operates the nation's largest sanctuary for abused and abandoned animals, from cats and dogs to rabbits and horses. Their mission is to create a world with no more homeless pets. Period.

Click here to donate your dollar!

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Reader Comments (322)

Best blog post ever!! Hilarious!

~Ame

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I was laughing so hard I choked on my own saliva...:D

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterGifted Designs

Not sure if you know this but the 12 days of Christmas are the 12 days FOLLOWING Christmas, not before. Its that way because there are 12 days between Christmas and Epiphany in January.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterwagrobanite

You guys should totally sing this and make a video out of it.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That was awesome covered with awesome sauce! (Unlike those cakes.) Please make a video! Please please please PUHLEEZ!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSusan

This is pure genius! I sang, I laughed... I snorted. Keep 'em coming - I look forward to reading the blog every day after work!!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that was AWESOME

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlisha Rene'

Haha! I LOVE IT! I couldn't help but sing and laugh out loud at the whole song! It was awesome!

DK @ http://sweetsbyd.blogspot.com/

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKritterBugg

I just sang the whole thing... and have gotten it mixed up with 4 pounds of backbacon and 5 golden toques.

Well done!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterNiki

Best post yet. I never comment, but I wanted to give you props for that carol. Wow.

"And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?"

Heheheheheheheee

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdsbs42

I had tears running down my face with this one and I nearly needed the Heimlich when I started choking over the runny yolks. Awesome job:)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary Beth

did anyone else sing that whole post? I cried I laughed so hard, thank you!!!!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermartha

Thank you for the Canadian mention.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Thank you Jen! You rock. Sooo many wonderful moments! Even a Bob and Doug McKenzie reference. *wiping eyes* Now I must go share this with every one else in my life so they too can laugh just as hard. :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Fantastic! Loved the thestrals -- I thought the same thing when I first saw them!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAmy's Cooking Adventures

You know, I had an awful day. I'm sick and miserable. But this post actually made me laugh out loud. First smile I had all day! Very clever! Thanks!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

That has to be one of your most awesomest posts ever!! (Esp the part with "Five Fun Guys" - which happens to be my favorite joke ever!!!) I almost snorfed my dinner reading it tonight!!! Thanks for the smile!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

I loved this one!!! I so needed a laugh today - thanks!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMelissa

That was awesome! You are so funny.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterMary

What an AWESOME rendition of this seasonal favourite. I laughed, I cried, I snorked. I may have hurt myself laughing so hard.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentermsbarrows

I'm not the only one who sang the whole song outloud, am I?

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThe Mocha Monster

Totally awesome, best post ever!!! I love, love, love the CW take on the 12 Days of Christmas!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

So clever! Loved it so much.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie-Granny

So clever, I loved it so much.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntie-Granny

Ha! I just did a lesson with my seventh grade choir on The 12 Days of Christmas, and while they didn't have pictures to back them up, they came up with some pretty interesting lyrics!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

BRAVO! I was singing along with you!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterjulie

I think that after this I need a drink. a strong one!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlessandra

PS

I also wanted to ask you if I can put your link on my blog roll in http://alessandrazecchini.blogspot.com/

I have been visiting you for well over two years now, you always make me smile :-)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAlessandra

You are brilliant!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenterdjango's mommy

Love it!! Had to share it on my FB page. Too funny NOT to share!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKaesmom

I don't go a day without checking your blog, but this is my first time commenting. The narration always makes me laugh. I share others wishes to hear this actually sung. And I love the Christmas Charity Countdown. I will be donating to all 12.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterK

230+ readers can't be wrong. I'd like to officially dub this 2010's "BEST. POST. EVAH."

How did you manage to get holiday themed wrecks with the RIGHT NUMBER of things in each photo?? Fess up --- how many photos did you crop?

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterA. A. LeBlanc

Read the whole thing, and could not spot laughing at the Number 5 jokes

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

that.was.amazing!!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenteralisa in Taiwan

John & the other Jen: I command you to SING THIS NOW

(and a beer)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

bwahahaha....

Best. Version. Ever.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commentercygirlkat

On the ninth day, "And a beer."
If that's what I think it's a reference to, this blog is even more awesome than I originally thought. :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLD

Koorookookoo koorookookoo! Loved the reference to Doug & Bob McKenzie. Heh heh.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterShelley Parker Chandler

Bwwaaahh! Ha ha haha ha ha ha haha ha ah ah ha ah ah hah a hah ah ah ha haha ah ah!
I sang along for the whole thing, when I wasn't giggling!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStacy Q

This is my new favorite Christmas song. Maybe.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterLori

Darn, I wanted to say the kiwi were riding Zero the dog too. But that's what happens when you read late at night. Either way, nice post!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered Commenternikki

Best. Post. Ever. I sang along through the whole thing, even pausing with confusion on how I went from 9 to 11. :) VERY CLEVER! And I loved all the other pop culture refs you threw in there. :)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterWallflower Confessions

I laughed so much reading this blog. Thanks for the endless entertainment you guys bring to us readers!

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAge Kotyk

This is awesome stuff, reminiscent of why I started reading Cake Wrecks in the first place. And yes, I was still reading the song!

I had to look up "thestrals". Nice.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterDavid Plass

Things I love about today's post 1) The Bob and Doug Mckenzie reference. Christmas is not complete in our house until we hear that song. 2) The ghosts really did look beaten down by their wives. 3) Really fun guys. Almost snorted soda through my nose. 4) Slimey the Worm. One of my favorite Sesame Street characters. I used to pray that I could have my own friend like that.

Also, thank you for the CCC. Today's cause is especially close to my heart. You guys do great work.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterStephanie Sonksen

You. Are. Brilliant.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterSyb

Thank you, thank you, CW team, for taking time to create that terrific song. I read every word! And it made me smile before I drift off to sleep tonight. (With visions of Sugar Plums, or creepy Xmas cake, dancing in my head!)

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterKelly

I laughed until I choked.

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterCyril Lucar

I must admit, I did not read it.

I had to SING it. :P

December 16, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

Best. Post. Ever.

December 17, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAnonymous

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