Thursday
Dec162010
The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas
December 16, 2010 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A choking hazard in a treeeee.On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Two buttered bells,And a choking hazard in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Three whipped ghosts,(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Four day-glo Santas,Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Six pounds of icing,♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Seven snowmen melting,Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight runny egg yolks,(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?
Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.
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CCC Day #4
Click here to donate your dollar!
Reader Comments (322)
As a child of the 80s I must thank you for the shout-out to those denizens of The Great White North, Bob & Doug McKenzie. Sadly, I had to go to YouTube to show a younger colleague the B&D version of the song because she had NO idea what I was talking about. Kids today...
FANTASTIC post!!!
THAT WAS AWESOMENESS!
I just spent the last 2 days at a fungal conference (no joke) and so I especially enjoyed the fungi jokes.
PLEASE..... record this song and sell the MP3 somehow to raise more charity funds! I'd spend a couple of bucks to be able to play this on my iPod!!!
Love the "and a Beer" reference :) Now I must track down that version of the song someplace.
That was amazing. Good job with the Harry Potter reference and "a beer". Your wit was not lost on me :)
Your references to Slimey, Harry Potter, and particularly the McKenzie Brothers were particularly amazing. Thank you for making my Finals Week less horrible!
WE'RE NOT WORTHY!! hahahahaha This the BEST!
Made me snort-laugh! Really good example of why I even bother to get on the internet these days...
"And is anyone even still reading this?"
Yes yes YES!! Loved every creative word of it.....and the beer!
I sang this to my kids this morning.
They LOVED it.
Me too.
If it's OK to post a link here, this is an animated version of the 12 Days of Christmas, Canadian style.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4
Hilarious!!!
And who among the readers was NOT singing along?
Best. Post. EVAH!!!
You are so my hero. I would say shero but that word has negative connotations for me. Maybe we'll just go with SUPERSTAR(!) instead.
And of course I was singing it in my head the whole way through. Awesome. You rock my world.
You seriously outdid yourself! That was hilarious! I actually sung the whole thing in my head as I read along. :D (PS. Loved the Bob & Doug reference!)
WOW - what an excellent post! Your dedication to ruining Christmas songs parallels only that of wreckerators' dedication to ruining Christmas. Well done!
WV: latorbef. A cross between an alligator and a cow. Considered a delicacy in many cultures, it's beef with a bite.
I was actually singing along by the time I got to the Eighth Day. Thank you for the morning giggles!
Audio ... we need audio!!!
Priceless.
Angalalim,
So here's the thing: First Giving doesn't work with PayPal. Which is stinky. However, First Giving allows donations as low as a dollar and they are relatively cheap. As a contrast, giving a dollar through PayPal costs about 32 cents which is also stinky. At this point, I would wait until we do Charity Water, which allows PayPal, and give the whole $12 there. Or you might be able to go directly to the charity websites though I don't think any of them accept less than $10.
Confused yet? Yeah, me too.
Thanks for being awesome everybody!
john
Applause!!!
mocking
"...Eight Runny Egg Yolks..." AND an amoeba! How could you forget the amoeba! Or maybe it's a slime mold...
WV - noney: 9 out of 10 Guy Fieri's agree, these wrecks are NONEY!!!
This was the BEST.
*wipes away the tears from laughing so hard* Oh, THANK you so very much for this!
I agree. Thestrals all the way. And the fungus jokes - totally took me back to high school...in a good way.
ER on speed dial...and a beer...salmonella...
Seriously, I'm going to be thinking of this and laughing all day.
You had me cracking up through the whole post! Well played Jen! Well played!
Cool! Another song for "Cake Wrecks: the Musical!" This was awesome!
I must admit that I thought the mushrooms were cute- they look like meringue cookies. But the Yule log they were on, Yikes!
Love it! I had to sing through the WHOLE stinkin' thing in my head!
I think this calls for another one of your delightful music videos, is what I think.
Seriously funny stuff. :)
That was hysterical!! Thanks for the laugh!!!
I was totally singing this the entire time I read the post. I loved how the tree and mushrooms kept changing. :)
Completely awesome! Thestrals, slimey and beer! I second the request for an audio version for my iPod--that would be on my most-played list. :)
And a beer...in a treeeeeeeeeee!!!
Bob and Doug for the win.
Hahahaha!!! that made my day- and I read to the end!!
Go Bob and Doug and your BEER!
Diane
diane7@rogers.com
Jen, you are brilliant.
(So is John, who I assume had a hand in this genius work of musical inspiration?)
I loved all your synonyms for "crap in a treeeee...." Happy Chrismakwanzakuh!
You guys are killing this month!! I now have another favorite post:)
That. Was. Way. Too. Hilarious!
#1: Christmas light bulbs??? Why not just put a strand of lights on it and plug it in?
#2: Patooie!
#3: Lets see...snowmen on yellow snow? Looks like the one on the left is holding one of those swizzle-stick swords...O.o
#4: It's The Situation in a Santa suit!
#5: A yule log with mushrooms. O.o
#6: Santa is supposed to get stuck in the chimney, not a tree! Maybe he'd look just as funny "stuck" in #5.
#7: They almost look like peeps.
#8: Ewwwwwww.
#9: I don't know what they are, but they've got a tree growing on their backs. I think if I drink enough beer and eat enough of those mushrooms I'll understand their meaning.
#10:
#11: Slimey!
#12: I bet it's a CCC (patooie). Oooh and they used ribbon too.
wv: dayindi: Too many of those 'shrooms will make you dazyindi head.
I love your blog but never comment. You got me with the beer (...in a tree)!
Thanks for all the laughs!
I read on a reader, but made a point to get to the site to comment and say... I almost just peed my pants. Very clever and good and even better that you left out 10 and gave yourself a beer.
Excellent post! I sang along the whole time. When will a recorded version be coming to iTunes??
I have to wonder out loud if the maker of cake #5 has ever seen a proper bûche de nöel. That thing is a giant blob of poop-colored icing with a jar of sprinkles dumped on it.
wv: aithy. My stomach was a little aithy after ingesting some plastic flotsam from cake #1.
JEN!!!!! Your cleverness knows no bounds. I am all squishy inside over your Bob & Doug reference, eh. Geez, I am totally craving a jelly donut...
But what I thought was REALLY funny, was that I didn't just READ the post, I SANG it to the tune ALL THE WAY TO THE END.
Oh yeah, and special props for scratching out the 13th poinsettia.
You make a lot of people very happy, I hope Santa is extra good to you this year!
This is my favorite post ever. I really like how things were reworded so it didn't get redundant.
Among all your many hilarious posts, that was surely one of the very, very best! Laughed till tears were running down my cheeks and the dog was looking at me funny.
I have never laughed so hard...
I giggled out loud all the way through it....and now I'll have the song stuck in my head for the next four days. :-)
And a beer... Good job MacKenzie Brothers
I appreciated the Bob & Doug McKenzie reference! That's my four-year old's favorite version of "12 Days of Christmas."
Jennifer
My favorite post of the year. And that's saying a lot. Truly LOL with my daughter all the way through. Thanks for that.
That was pretty amazing. I actually really truly did laugh out loud at that one. Awesome job, y'all.
snorted on the slimey worm candy cane cake....BRAVO!
Every single person on the internet should go to your site everyday for their slice of humor. It would insure a least one good laugh no matter what was going in their lives. As a loyal Canadian fan I did read/sing to the very end and enjoyed the changes. You have inspired me to find a charity in my home town that I could give a few bucks to. Merry Christmas to you and your fans