You Won't BELIEVE How Desperate These Click Bait Headlines Are
May 13, 2019 No matter how I rail against our Facebook overlords, the truth is we really depend on the traffic we get from my daily updates over there - even with FB only showing my posts to about 6% of you. :/
So to make the most of it, John keeps pushing me to make my Facebook posts more "enticing."
;)
Success!
(Anna M. made her own princess castle homage. Day = MADE.)
(Though I must admit, Anna, those candles are making even ME uncomfortable.)
I only have so many headstrong castles cakes I can post, though, so I did some research on what kinds of headlines get the most attention. Here, you guys tell me if I'm doing this right:
5 Huge Mistakes You're Making Right Now That Will Probably Kill You
;)
Mystery Code Unlocked, Incredible Hidden Message Revealed!
;)
One Weird Trick GUARANTEED To Make You Lose Eight Pounds Overnight:
;)
Baker Gives Entire Graduating Class The Finger
;)
Shocking New Discovery: Did Leo Kill Himself?
;)
You Won't Believe What's Under These Skittles:
;)
(I still don't.)
Benedict Cumberbatch Gets Frisky, Drops Scarf:
;)
So, how am I doing, guys? Feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments; maybe I'll get some post inspirations out of 'em. ;)
Thanks to Anna M., Jodie G., David D., Harri, Tim R., Ashley, Laura R., & Josh R. for the excuse to post yet another of those bizarre scarf cakes.
*****
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Reader Comments (24)
1) Gee, what a wonderful cake when you're heading to the electric chair.
2) Have 39 Beers Dave? Is it that bad when you close in on 40?
3) The Queen of Hearts is on the rampage again. Alice just wasn't available.
4) I guess it's better than him turning the chicken over at them. (Wait for it!)
5) Since when are turtles furry, mutant or otherwise?
6) I think this "cake" is just cheesy.
7) A new jellyfish species.
Keep it up, Jen, and you'll be working for the National Enquirer in no time!
JEN!!! HELP YOU FORGOT THE NSFW WARNING AND NOW I"M LOOKING FOR A JOB!!!
That weird Skittle cake looks like a cinnamon bun iced around the sides and topped with a ridiculous amount of crap. I’ve seen a couple of these in our local Safeway, here in Edmonton, Alberta Canada 🇨🇦
Ray from Jerry Maguire confirms that the human head weighs eight pounds.
BRIE??!
The Skittles one was disgusting enough. Then I read the label. Brie??? That takes it into gag territory!
I love your headlines here! I am one of the 94% who no longer gets to see your posts. Then again, even though FB rates me as "moderate", the only posts I Do get to see are from my snowflake sheeple friends, so I don't read the timeline any more. And given its announced Swamp censorship, I'm joining the kids and abandoning it, and its daughter platform, Instagram. Good luck with it, and let us know when you find a new place to post. In the meantime, I check here directly every day.
Weeeeell, now I don't know that I'd call that 'the finger' my own self.....
That was . . . brie?? As in: the cheese? Topped with . . . jelly beans? Skittles? Brown goo?
The Shocker cake needs the hand sign as well as a spelling check.
What did Erin need “congrations” for recIEving (ouch!)? Did she stick a knife in an electric socket or something? And I agree with Timba re: that finger...
I rarely post, but I've gotta jump in on the disgusting nature of Skittles covered Brie!!! That's an abomination to both Brie AND Skittles!!! I like weird food combinations, but that's going way too far!
You didn't call anything a "hack", so I sincerely thank you. You may also benefit by emulating the popular news sites and describe plebian insults from a lesser celebrity to a non-present greater celebrity as a "slam", "blast", or an "utterly destroying" of the greater celebrity. 'Blasting' comes up so often now the news reads like Star Wars fanfiction.
I don't care what J.Mcknowitall says; most mens' heads aren't heavy at all. There's nothing in there at all unless someone put helium in it, then Up, up, and AWAaaayyy... !!!! (Just kidding.)
At least the guillotine cake was well executed.
It's missing a completely unnecessary use of the word "literally". Might I suggest "Benedict Cumberbatch Gets Frisky, Literally Drops Scarf", "Mystery Code Literally Unlocked", or "5 Literally Huge Mistakes".
Skittles-covered brie?
... I have questions. (Mostly variants of "WHYYYY???")
Jules---haaaaaaaaa I think I love you! You really killed it.
Jules gets a "like." I guess I'm in the 94 percent, too.
I mourn the loss of those delicious Skittles so horribly mistreated and then drowned on that cake. The horror!
Underneath the skittles (barf--why??) is brie topped with fig jam, which is delicious, especially paired with rice crackers. My father-in-law transplanted fig trees all over our property, so I make my own fig jam out of desperation. Have you ever seen the inside of a fresh fig? It's slimy and looks like alien tentacles, but dried or in jam, they taste so good!
You pretty much nailed 'em, Jen. Ones I've seen often are along the lines of:
1."Beloved shows canceled in 2019" with a picture from "NCIS" which isn't canceled. The wreck could be of a celebrity or referencing some show.
2. "How I went from renting to owning ten rentals" (by using pyramid schemes). The wreck could be a picture of or model of a house.
Please keep up the good work!
5: Well, now we know who won second prize in "Under the Scotsman's Kilt."
Jules, I salute you. But don't let it go to your head. (Smirk)
She was your favorite. Take a deep breath before you see what she looks like now!