Thursday
Dec162010
The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas
December 16, 2010 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A choking hazard in a treeeee.On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Two buttered bells,And a choking hazard in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Three whipped ghosts,(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Four day-glo Santas,Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Six pounds of icing,♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Seven snowmen melting,Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight runny egg yolks,(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?
Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.
-------------------------------------------------
CCC Day #4
Click here to donate your dollar!
Reader Comments (322)
I think I have just died a little...
that was amazing...and after I read it I got some of the other office girls to come look and we all sang your CakeWreaks song to the rest of the office!
Spic-frickin-tacular!!!!
Kisses
This is a hunch, but I'd bet that the baker for the 9th day of Christmas was feeling more like the Nightmare Before Christmas because they could almost pass for Zero the dog.
-CareBear
I not only read it, I was singing along with you! Very very funny. My big guy Sam is also extremely good with funny lyrics to well-known songs, and I still laugh after 6 years of marriage. - Jan
I knew I shouldn't have started trying to skip the "repetitions" in each verse. You caught me there!
On an entirely unrelated note, the actual creator behind Sandra Lee's disastrous Kwanzaa and Chanukah cakes has confessed: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/denise-vivaldo/kwanzaa-cake-sandra-lee-hanukkah-cake_b_797165.html. It's well worth a read for an insight into Sandra Lee's world, where truth turns out to be even stranger than fiction, and for the real reason why she stuffed marshmallows inside that Chanukah cake.
Fantastic!
SOOOO FUNNY!!! I laughed (and sang in my head) through the whole thing! You are hilarious! I have to tell you though, as funny as those mushrooms are, I actually made some a while back and they are DELISH!!! Meringue goodness. :)
Best. Post. Ever.
Well done!
The worm cake better be spice cake.
wv: Innati -- the signs are there, cleverly hidden in the cakes. Find them before times runs out.
I think this has to be one of my favorite posts ever, and that's saying something! The thestral part was definitely the best, followed by the "fun guys" line. Nerdy humor!
Jen, you are amazing. Where I am left speachless, you are able to go on, and on, and on. I'm so glad - otherwise I'd miss out on crawling back on my chair each morning, LOL. Norine
My wife and I got Married at Best Friends Animal Society, at the Angel's Landing amphitheater, in Kanab UT. It is very beautiful there. We donate to Best Friends every year.
The Slimey Canes made me LOL. Love it!
Jen & Co. please oh please oh please can we have this in a recorded audio format!
Bahahaha one of your best yet :)
Coo-roo-coo-coo coo-coo-coo-coo! And a beer (in a tree).
Sandra
I think this is the best one yet!! I totally sang along, and, yes, I was still reading the post.
Your best blog yet! And I like Slimy the worm! :)
I liked when you switched to the Bob and Doug McKenzie version... "And a Beer."
fucaketastic!
Oh I love it! I was singing the whole time. You have to record it and post it, or else I will!
This is even more hilarious because my husband is doing a "12 Days of Christmas" gift-giving thing for me this year. Love it!
ROFL
I love the changing lines!
I sang the entire thing! I loved the crossed-out-due-to-nonconformity poinsetta. :) Awesome!!
Love it. Absolutely LOVE it. Kept killing me with the last line of each verse. Great job Jen!
I am positive those Kiwi were riding Zero the ghost dog. Just not sure why!
Best. Christmas Carol. Ever.
That was hilarious! Thank you.
Well done! LOL....
absolutely hilarious. Made my day butter! I mean, better!
debating still: do I like more Day 10? or the comment "is anyone still reading this?"
Thanks for this Christmas present! 'Twas Festively Fantabulous!
Bravo!! Pure genius!!
This is the funniest thing I will read this whole holiday season, without a doubt. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!
Totally hilarious. I'm cracking up. This is just as good as the 12 Pains of Christmas. The only thing better would be if you guys actually sang it.
LOVE IT. Really, the fungi puns alone would have done it for me, but this was insanely awesome.
O.K. number nine sure look like kiwis with chicken nuggets from a Happy Meal..maybe I am seeing it wrong
Bob & Doug, Sesame Street and Harry Potter? Thanks!
It sure would be swell to get an audio track to go alongside that HILARIOUS post... go on, it's Christmas!
Thank you cake wrecks! A good chuckle. I especially loved the "beer" referencing Bob & Doug McKenzie's album Big White North. At least I hope that's why it was there...
For those of you who don't know what the Canucks on here are talking about: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l2oPio60mK4&feature=related
OMG hilarious! Laughing out loud at my desk. The first tree with candy in it just kept getting better and better. I am going to re read to laugh again. One of my favorite!!!!
When do we get the video with Number 1 singing along!?
Best submission EVER! Love the boug and Doug 12 Days reference. Brilliant!
AHHHAHAHAH!!!
So hilarious, "I think he hates me"
That is the best one so far. Words fail me how awesome your blog is! Love it!
Now I have B&D's "five golden tuques" running in my head AND I have Sandra Lee cake mystery solved. My day cannot get any better!
So funny. And the Slimey the Worm visual was awesome (as was the crossed-out thirteenth flower).
Too funny. Btw I purchased your calendar whilst I was on holidays in Australia a month ago.
I got the Cake Wrecks calendar and I laughed so hard I cried....Thanks!
my son is still laughing.....
Not only was I still reading, but I sang it.. OUT LOUD!