Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
You know what's totally awesome about that last cake? It's so shiny! And we all know that the world needs more shiny things. And if we ingest said shiny thing, we can get all that shininess to come out our pores and we can all sparkle. And our hair will be shiny. But most of all, we'd sparkle just like a vampire.
There's chocolate!
It's a beehive! A glossy, shiny, chocolate beehive. Just imagine the lovely chocolate honey that might be
in the middle. Awesome!
Becca Knox
The ants are SO lucky to have a (chocolate) anthill to live in!
Dear me!
Did you see District 9? Well, that "corncob" in the second picture looks like a female alien-bug in a swimsuit.
The ventilation fins are a welcome sight, since this cake stinks.
You know how some cakes are too pretty to eat? Well in this case, it's NOM NOM NOM time. Break out the insulin, this is going to be sweet.
The ants are SO lucky to live in a shiny (chocolate)anthill like that!
my son has been really sick -- I mean blow out diapers sick. If I saw something that solid in his pants it would mean that he was no longer sick. And not being sick is awesome!
Clearly, after receiving a faulty Easter lamb cake, a rogue assassin tried to silence this baker by planting a landmine and venomous snake in the oven. But, just at the moment the snake sat coiled atop the cylindrical landmine ready to strike as the baker opened the door, baby Jesus in his swaddling clothes and carrot-free manger rained heavenly chocolate down over the snake and mine, foiling the assassin's evil plan, and foiling evil plans is ....AWESOME!
It kind of looks like a rose under there. But, every rose has its thorn. So let's just be thankful one of those thorns didn't poke a hole in someones colon. The red would have made us all lose our appetites...for weeks!
Shannon Gann
Hmmmmm, say something awesome about the last cake. Okay, but first, how old is the first cake??? Is that dust??? Is their such a thing as frosting dandruff?? WTH is up with that???
Okay, something awesome about the last cake, yeah.
Well, the last cake is covered in lovely smooth chocolate, which is good because chocolate has antioxidants which protect the body from free radicals that age the body & can cause heart disease. It can also help lower blood pressure, cholesterol, stimulates endorphin production & contains serotonin which behaves like an anti-depressant. So the last cake is really is just a big ol' pile of stimulating, anti-aging goodness!
Dear me!
Did you see District 9? Well, that "corncob" in the second picture looks like a female alien-bug in a swimsuit. Ugh.
*anal evacuation
The chocolate looks nicely tempered!
I'm certain it tastes better than it looks, what with the coil of snake slathered with a glossy sheen of
liver and a live mouse filling. I'm sure it's the next greatest thing since the dog biscuit and beggin' strip sandwich was invented.
Terri Johnson - Hey at least there isn't any flies buzzing around it!!!!
That last one was real Slick looking. Looks like it would slide right down your....uh...Throat..Yes throat!!
Erin W.
It's very....glossy.
....Yeah, it's glossy!
A glossy cake is automatically pretty, right?
...Right?
Ooo! Something shiny! That cake could keep me distracted all day long.
-Wendy
That cake is fabulous! I reminds me of my family's favorite knock-knock joke:
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Pile up."
"Pile up who?"
Bwahaha! Pile of poo! Haaaaa!
- Cindy, mother of all boys. Four sons. And wife of one husband who also enjoys the occasional potty humor.
What a glorious shine they put on that...cake! Just like brown patent leather! Yum.
Karin Bowman
A clean colon is an awesome thing. And I'm pretty sure someone has a clean colon now.
Wow, you really CAN polish a turd! That is one shiny shiny turd! I can see my face in it! Props to that baker!
Now we know that Rodin's Thinker, wasn't just, uh, thinking...that's gotta be awesome...for him. Not to mention a great relief.
What a lovely cutting board! it's so square!
Well, I sure took a shinin' to that petrified poo.
Shana B.
there is extra icing on the side so you can stick your finger in the icing without disturbing the rolling hills of the cake.
~Cindy6
It glistens. And that is awesome!
And Rachel should totally win with her anal comment. LMAO.
Clearly the wreckorator has done an awesome job freelancing Mom's request for a chocolate baseball themed birthday cake. When faced with the bakery's shortage of plastic baseball flotsam, she decided to go all out and surprise litte Jimmy with his first baseball mitt. Then she covered all her bases and covered the whole thing in chocolate. This cake is a homerun!
Becky "O-Dee"
Well, that last cake looks nicely squishy, very soft. And I'm sure it's easy to do. And, really, what more can we ask for than soft, squishy easy to produce...erm...chocolate cakes?
If you don't eat it, it could be a home for your bees! Think of all the honey!
And, of course, chocolate tastes awesome!
It's very shiny, and who doesn't love shiny things?
PS - I love poop jokes :-)
Umm.... chocolate. Chocolate is awesome, right? Yeah! Chocolate piles of shiny, misshappen, oozing, runny, lumpy....... uh -- what was I talking about? Oh yeah - chocolate! Chocolate is awesome! I'm stickin' with that.
MaureenLS
The lighting in the photograph is just awesome. The cake reflects like it's almost radioactive.
It's good because that's a lot of chocolate, and you can never have enough chocolate. Even if it looks like crap.
- April (the one who smells like May flowers after she showers)
It's so shiny! And shiny things are pretty and awsome!!
Luanne
lulukr@gmail.com
Okay, think "Music Man" Got it?
Shapoopy, shapoopy, shapoopy.
Taking dog for walk while carrying plastic bag-good.
Taking dog for walk with high-tech pooper-scooper-better.
Taking dog for walk whike carrying a classy marble slab for him to do his business on-AWESOME (or at least excellent)!
It looks like this was a big JOB accomplished! Get it? Job? Bah-dump-bah. (Crickets chirping) Is my grandmother the only one who called it a job??
Rebecca Richmond, wife of Ryan who regularly makes cakes like this
Well the chocolate is so shiny and glossy, the cake must be in really good health. See, cakes are like dogs noses...
This cake is what happens when middle school volcano project meets Home (r)Ec. After all, how else would you get the oh, so elusive "already erupted, yet oh, so tasty, pile o' cake"?!
- Shoni B
wv = dystamak: ever dystamak someone for a smart comment?
The AWESOME in that cake? Easy!! It looks like someone just lost 5 pounds in one sitting!! Losing weight is AWESOME right??
-Jenniffer White
http://cupadeecakes.blogspot.com
It looks to me like someone was extremely constipated and remedied that by taking Ex-Lax. That is awesome on many levels. Ex-Lax is awesome because it relieves the pain and discomfort of constipation. Having been relieved of the pain and discomfort of constipation is really awesome. The look on your partner's face when they see what you have done to their marble slab is hilarious and being hilarious is awesome. And finally, getting that crap out is the start of being healthy again and being healthy is really awesome.
It looks so shiny and ... fresh! I can almost feel the warmth.
That is the best mud-pie I've ever seen! Obviously they practiced a lot as a kid. It really paid off!
Keri S.
You know, it is so hard to get chocolate icing to that right, purable consistency, and they did that with this one, so hey, way to go! I'm also looking at those red flecks on the side of the marble slab. Seems this cake can also be used as a murder weapon. I have to appreciate that.
It is not in a paper bag on fire on your doorstep...
Katie "has seen too many Adam Sandler Movies" Phillips
Just look at how fresh that cake is! It must have been frosted while still warm, and the icing hasn't even set yet because it's still oozing off. That's probably the freshest cake that's every been sold in a bakery in decades, if not forever!
- Kate the College Kid
Wow!! As a manager of a Dairy Queen restaurant (which I'm really not, I just need to be disguised as one to make this work), I never knew what to do with the Chocolate Dipped Cone Mishaps. Chocolate Dip Cones are awesome! Dairy Queen is AWESOME!