Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
The shinniness really complements the marble slab or is that compliments, can't remember, the shinniness distracts me
This cake is awesome because it fooled every last one of you suckers. It's not a cake. It's a cake COVER designed to look like the most revolting confection ever created. If you stick your finger in the part that appears unfrosted, you'll find a button that releases the airtight seal and gets you to the true treasure hiding within. There's no chance your spouse, kids or houseguests will get anywhere near your hidden prize. It's yours. All yours. Awesome.
Caffeinated Tracy in Lake Mary, FL
Wow. Love that last one! It's so SHINY!
Hide and go seek is awesome and that is obviously a child hiding under the chocolate on that cake in turn making that cake awesome.
It provides such a lovely foil to the other cake in the display. One is shiny, and dark, and sort of drippy looking, while the other is matte, and light, and piped.
The frosting is shiny... and evenly uhh spread......
-CJ Caggia
At least nothing is misspelled!
You know, there are people that STUDY poo for a living. Maybe the department is sending off Old Professor Iron Stomach with an appropriate, career-themed cake. I'm just sayin'.
-Sabrina Rose
A chocolate flood! And chocolate is SO FABULOUS! And SHINY! Oooh, SHINY!
- Melissa S.
Oh look!! Something shiny! :)
Well, like the song thankfully doesn't actually say: Do do that doo-doo that you do so well.
"Let me live 'neath your spell"?
ummmmmm...
No.
Well, about the last cake, I think the marble slab and the contrast between dark and light in the photo is awesome. The marble really sets off the, uh, darkness of the chocolate. Yeah, that's it.
WTMCassandra
nobody stepped in it yet- that's awesome :)
first time I scrolled by that oh-so-wonderful scarecrow I thought the sign said "5 star"... and I thought, that is about as far from a 5 star scarecrow as you can get!
sandy t
shiny. awesome.
It comes out looking the same way as when it goes in! What you see is what you get.
AWESOME.
Katie Faris
chocolate. awesome.
I was just on my way to bathroom and....Oh...shiny...
Melanie Neumann
Well it appears that the last "cake" is on a tiny marble slab, and where besides the kitchen are you likely to find lots of marble...the bathroom of course! So it's strangly appropriate...eh better than a urinal cake.
-Anissa
You can see all the straining and effort that went into creating this mammoth beauty! It must have been a moving expericence. The creator must be relieved (and surely wiped out) that it's done. ~CrazyTracy
What do you mean you can't think of anything? That last cake is so full of possibility! I mean, ANYTHING could be in there! Until you cut it, it's just a bile steaming pile of possibility!
Krystine McCants
Kathy M
CHOCOLATE! need i say more?
I love how it looks to be melting! Who does not like melted chocolate, especially on a marble slab! Priceless! The missing little piece at the bottom, however, makes me gag...just a little.
My name is Cait. Cait the nurse if you want to be specific. As for the last one, it's smooth. I like smooth things. Silk and cashmere are smooth, and they're definately awesome!! Yay for smooth things! By the way, I love the Danish kagemand (cakeman) They're very common around these parts. They might not be so pretty, but they sure taste AWESOME :)c
it's so SHINY!
shiny things are AWESOME.
What I Find AWESOME About This Cake
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Вы знаете какой?
Я думаю, что я только КУПЛЮ книгу.
Я ДЕЙСТВИТЕЛЬНО имею некоторые стандарты, и хорошая доля их не любит быть поставлен под угрозу явным, solicitious ложь. Я люблю книги, но я не буду книжной шлюхой.
Позвольте другим унижаться и ложь для приза...
Не я.
What a gloriously shiny pile of crap. It's such a shiny, reflective pile of crap, I could display it in my trophy case.
Ode to Mount Poo-vious. Voted the "number two" best volcano to squat for a spell.
the glaze is very brown and shiny!
(Samantha Hartley)
The last cake is great for those who can't resist scooping up a bit of icing with their fingers. You wouldn't even notice!
The tart on the bottom left looks like it has a nicely-done crust. And the icing on the cake looks exceptionally fudgey.
It looks like a very...short....chocolate fountain! Yeah, that's it. A very short chocolate fountain. That's ok, I guess. -Eliza Benson
my 4 year old was with me and for one of the first time ever while looking at this sight, he said, "look at those yucky cakes!"
The last one, he called a "bat cave", though I'm going to up the ante and call it an unfortunate tsunami blend of chocolate pudding and guano assplosion.
Lisa
I am not going to say what the roses reminded me of.. eww!
Oh my gosh! Its Gloppy, from Candy Land! Oh the wonderful memories of cheating at boardgames as a young child...
Mel S.
I don't see a single fingerprint on the entire case mirror! They must clean their display cases meticulously every day!
Whoever said it's a waste of time to polish a turd never saw this AWESOME creation!
April 15, 2010 10:15 AM
~CrazyTracy (I forgot to put my name... oops)
The frosting is shiney...shiney things are AWESOME...they make people happy...nothing better in life than Happy Shiney People!
Brought to you by Tiffany...umm...Tiffany the Terrific...the terrific cake eater!!! Whooopwhoooop!!
So glossy! And if you're going for the melted Buddha effect, this is the cake for you!
cakewreckcontest.fairyhedgehog@recursor.net
Congrats - its so shiny! Not everyone can make it so shiny and smooth. Today is my birthday so this would make a great present (in case your random generator is broken.)
You obviously ate more corn, now your colon is clean as a whistle. And you had a nice marble slab for clean up so you got that going for you, which is nice.
You know, smart pastry chefs always use a marble slab since it keeps the pastry cool and obviously the maker of this cake borrowed a marble slab, which is good since it stopped the chocolate from melting entirely off the cake, revealing whatever was hiding on top of that generous 1" of cake! I think it is AMAZING that even setting the cake ON A STOVE, the marble kept the chocolate blob from running......mostly.
~Karen Morton
What's really awesome about that last cake is that the wreckerator didn't let obstacles get in her way. See, that there glob on top was supposed to be a Buddha statue. But she left it in the sun, and it melted. So she put it on anyway, and covered it with chocolate ganache, because, frankly, ganache makes everything better. So, behold! I give you:
THE POO-DDHA CAKE!!!
Laura H. in Iowa
This "Cake" is awesome for a few reasons.
1. Its been placed off center on a awesome marble cutting board. Who needs symetry anyway?
2. Its in a refrigerated display, to slow the icings descent on to the awesome marble cutting board.
3. Its Wreckerator Bobs last ditched attempt to salvage his cake making career. And as we all know, beating unemployment is "Awesome".
4. The cake has to contain some ingredients with nutritional value... Right? And nutrition is deffinatley Awesome.
Regards
Chucknorris (from Melbourne Australia)
It looks like nice shiny mud and mud makes me think of mud facials, which makes your skin look younger, and looking younger??????
AWESOME
ANGIE BUCKNER
I'm almost positive that that last -er- confection - contains neither lead, nor mercury, nor asbestos! And as an added bonus, there's enough sugar in there to make my kindergartener feel like she's "...full of bees!! Buzzzzz!!" like she did the day her cough medicine made her so crazy that she was sent home and we took her to the doctor. - Becky K. D.
I wanna win a book! So, I think the most awesome thing about that last cake is that it is so shiny. Diamonds and other jewelry are also shiny, so shiny things are totally AWESOME!
Hey! If your dog rolled in that cake, he would probably smell like chocolate. :D
Hot, gooey fudge! Just like my Mama (may she rest in peace) used to make! Yum-O!
chocolate? chocolate is good.
I'm thinking though that a dog would have fun rolling in it.
heh heh
~a