Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
It's chocolate. Chocolate is awesome. That was my first (and really only) good thought about it. I now see others feel the same. That's awesome too.
(Alice-Anne, yes, that's a real name, unfortunately)
Well while probing my er....mind to decide what wit could possibly be add to a glorious pileup of suggestions, I must admit that last cake made me think of shiny tiki hut on the private island of marble. And who wouldn't think a shiny tiki hut on a marble island wouldn't be AWESOME???? No ONE! Because shiny tiki huts are, everyone shout with me....AWESOME!
(Kristie Rose dreamily stares off into space)
My comments aren't posting!
It's made out of chocolate. Chocolate is always delicious, even when it looks suspiciously disgusting like that cake does.
That is the most fantastic marble slab I've ever seen used as a cake pedestal....also what does it mean when your poo is that shiny? (can't be good, right?)
It's the perfect cake for a first birthday party, they all end up looking like "crap" afterwards anyway!
oops, I forgot a last name....
Well, there is a mirror in the background, and mirror’s are awesome. Like when you are in an elevator with mirrored walls and you dance around fascinated by how many arms there are and how far back they go,until somebody else steps on the elevator. But until that moment... mirrors are awesome!
-Kayla Carpenter
It's sooooo shiny!!
Deb Harrop, a little ADHD!
It's so shiny! Shiny things are fabulous for keeping the attention of others! Stand behind this cake, and you'll be the center of attention ALL NIGHT LONG.
-Jessica Morrison
Not only is the icing REALLY SHINY, but there's lots of it! Enough that it's oozing onto the beautiful marble slab there. AND they left a little spot without any icing so that you can see what kind of cake is under all of that icing.
That cake was made by Mr.Brown, a loyal fan of the Mythbusters " Polishing Poop " episode. The little hole in the bottom is for the C4 so that it can explode at the end of the show. And, of course, explosions are awsome!
Cat-astrophe
aka Cathy V.
I have to say that the gloss on that icing has to be the richest, most splendiferous gloss I have ever seen on a cake. And the artful draping that allows you to peep at the chocolaty goodness -- I just don't know how they do it. Artistry!
--Duffy Stephens
The Wreckerator, I mean Decorator really captured the movement of a mudslide with this cake. It's such a hard thing to achieve, making it truly AWESOME.
(Sarah S. the law student - and thanks for this AWESOME blog...makes me snicker during class).
Look how shiny that crap is!!! The person that "made" this must eat really healthy to make a crap that looks like it's dipped in shiny chocolate!! What an AWESOME diet!!
~Laura Jones
That's the most I have laughed at any posts, so hilarious. Thank you so much for making my day. Noisemakers, so funny!...and that last one, I'd would've been so embarrassed to present it for consumption and afraid to eat it.
I'd imagine that taking a poo like that last cake would feel Very Awesome. Talk about taking a load off.
- Ashley Chicken
It is awesome that I don't have to eat it.
This all a plot just to bring out the lurkers isn't it?! Dastardly. Couldn't get a head count from page hits could you? :P
Well, imagine the, um, 'skill' it took to get that right in the middle of the marble slab! Awesome Job!!
Jen (the bestest name ever!) Lessick
It's shiny!
That's the most I have laughed at any posts, so hilarious. Thank you so much for making my day. Noisemakers, so funny!...and that last one, I'd would've been so embarrassed to present it for consumption and afraid to eat it.
This cake has a cool cake - on the left, near the bottom - it is small, but so are the little fairies who live inside the cake. The outside of the cake was made ugly on purpose - you wouldn't want someone to cut into the fairies - would you?
yeah... it's just a pile of dung, no way around that one :)
Chocolate. You can't go wrong with chocolate (though that cake is pushing it)
-Mary F.
That last cake... it's very shiny! Shiny is awesome. Oooooh shiny!
You know, it's really nice to see that Amy Winehouse is FINALLY trying to clean up that beehive wig of hers...she obviously wants it to have more sheen that it normally does.
Stephanie Rae ("Baby Bear")
They've helpfully put that icing over the cake so you can't see the horrible thing underneath! Not seeing the horrible thing underneath is AWESOME!!
Brown cake--so shiny! The horse was kind enough to leave it for us before we left the barn door open and he fled the scene. Thanks Mr. Horse--we love shiny things!
Karen Hoy
Just one good thing huh? Well...It looks nice and goopy. There probably wasn't much straining involved in that "dump" at all! It happened nice and easy! Easy is good!
The cow is no longer constipated! (and that's awesome!!!!!!!)
drulovesdogs
Marble tiles on which to frost cakes? You guessed it - AWESOME!
Awesome hole in the icing there. I was going to think of something awesome to say about it but then I scrolled down and saw that only 200 other people thought that was awesome too. boo. it's awesome to maybe win the of awesome. you are awesome.
Sooooo shiny :)
the cow is no longer constipated!!!
(and that's AWESOME!!!!)
drulovesdogs
Wow, that chocolate icing is shiny, like a mirror. And mirrors reflect awesomeness, so that's AWESOME!
Holly Kirk
What is completely awesome about this...ummm...cake is it?...yeah cake is that the....ummm...frosting I'm assuming of course!...is smooth. Look how smooth and shiny it is! It looks so soft and like you would be running your finger across glass and it would make that squeaky noise. Yeah, that is awesome!
Better out than in!
Although the dessert centerpiece at the Proctology Convention was a smash, everyone seemed to be on a diet! But the marble slab it was on got rave reviews!
That is a RIGHTEOUSLY AWESOME cutting board! Marble? I mean, not everyone spring for marble these days.
Glad they forgot to add the little detail of candy corn poking out of strategic places.....ACK.
Jill F.
Ok... something good something good. OH! That piece of marble is nice, and what is that behind the... er... CAKE? And air conditioner? Well that's nice and clean and a clean AC is a safe AC so you know... safety first!... Ummm... yeah.
Christa.
It looks like it has a reflection in the back so you can admire it from ALL angles! All the chocolatey, shiny angles.
Andy from LA, PA
The cresting moon reflecting on the deep rich waters of the River Styx...bottoming out on the pale sands of the end of the world...is what this cake is begging me to believe
Yeah, Mikey went poopy in the potty! That is awesome! And we'll have an awesome cake to celebrate Mikey's awesome accomplishment!!
Cathy (Mikey's awesome mom)
The marble slab...that is what is awesome about this cake, in how it was able to use its coolness to stop the flowing chocolate.
The last cake reminds me of melted ice cream on the sidewalk. Now, melted ice cream isn't awesome, but dropping the ice cream for corn and/or noisemakers, that's awesome. After all, what's better than fiber-rich corn or noisemakers?
- Amanda D. Smith
Even though it may not look so nice, admit it, we ALL love piles of icing on our cake, and melted fudgey goodness just pouring down the sides?? Awesome!! And isn't cake for eating anyway?? Awesome!
OH and once you cut it, it won't look like a pile of poo anymore, just a wedge of chocolaty goodness.
and you know what that is??
AWESOME!!!
Yiskah
(I think I'm pretty safe not adding another name cuz let's be honest, there's not so many other Yiskahs out there. And you know what that is? Unique. And you know what being unique is? That's AWESOME!)
Wow, that chocolate icing is shiny, like a mirror. And mirrors reflect awesomeness, so that's AWESOME!
That last one is a lovely, rich, deep brown color with a delicate sheen ;)
That last one is either:
1. Better beehive camouflage for night-time pollination missions
or:
2. The hat my neighbor with the foil pants wears outside to block the mind control waves. (this one, of course, is for fall and will be in storage 'til then. A fetching pastel model is all the rage for Spring.)
p.s. Thank you for introducing me to the phrase "happy pants"!