Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
Look at that shine! Look at that sparkle! I mean, come on now, Look how that cake glistens!
I'm straining to come up with something but my creativity just stinks...
Good thing that icing didn't ooze over the marble and into the grate thing (what the heck is in the background?)
Carrie, Westport, WA
It looks kind of like Jabba the Hut's head. The fat rolls, the monochromatic brown color, the onlooker's subtle loss of appetite...
And I think just about everyone (except a few misguided Star Trek fans) would agree that Jabba the Hut IS Awesome!
Meg of the moderately-common name
This cake is awesome because it gives the poo mice a home, such s shiny, piled home.
Symmetry is so yesterday, so this is an excellent attempt at an avante garde interpretation of ... um... chocolate ... and .. um.. stuff... and ..uh.. cake!!! At the heart of it all, it's still cake and cake is goooood.
It's SHINEY! And...it totally looks like a mouse hole down at the bottom. You can't see the mouse, cuz it's hiding, but it's AWESOME!
It's chocolate! I think.
By the looks of this enormous cake PILE you know someone put a lot of EFFORT into getting that thing out. They must have put their heart and soul (and last nights all you can eat buffet) into MAKING it!
your fan,
Aubrey Williams
Hey, I recognize that: it's the first place trophy from the Lincoln Log Convention in Uranus. Someone really worked, strained even, to get every last inch of that tower sparkling. It's so shiny, so radiant... just so glistening.
Gabriela Frei
That cake in the lower left looks amazing compared to the cake in the center of the picture. It was probably a great cake to begin with, but compared to this heap of messy goo?
Being made to look good by all the mediocrity surrounding you? You guessed it = Awesome.
-Evn
"Wow look at how glossy that last cake is! and that shade of brown, ooh, looks like dark chocolate, I wonder if there's marshmallow inside? Mmmm..."
That marble slab must make it really easily clear off the pile of feces that fell on that poor cake. I bet it slides right off. You know what's awesome? Easily cleanable surfaces.
Let me tell you, I have had a nasty intestinal virus lately and if I could make poo that looked even THAT solid it would be AWESOME! Nice semi-solid poo!
~Nicole "on my way to the bathroom AGAIN" Taddy
I like to think that the cake on that last one is actually trying to crawl out from under the, uh, the *flow*, there. See it peeking out the bottom? Escaping cake is AWESOME.
(Jennie A., aka Goosey)
Rachel M
It's a old beehive dipped in chocolate! Recycling is awesome!
The base to that last cake is really perfectly round, and considering it was made by dung beetles that is truly awesome!!!
"Aww, look! You made a replica of a mother polar bear snuggling her cub close while sitting on a tree stump, and then you covered the whole thing in chocolate? That's awesome! The roots sticking out to the right give it so much more realism, and the roots on the left look like more hugging arms! Thank you so much, you shouldn't have. No, I mean you really shouldn't have."
~~Swansong, east coast USA
Hey, I recognize that: it's the first place trophy from the Lincoln Log Convention in Uranus.
Someone had to work so hard to get those streaks out, to get that tower glistening, shining so bright.
It's awesome because it has reminded me of a very old joke that still makes me laugh:
"Mummy, Mummy, can I lick the bowl?"
"No, Son, pull the flush like everyone else..."
Eesh... 311 comments already.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Essssss..... (cuz I'm not comfortable putting on my last name) Anyway - on to the positive comment....
Shiny! Smooth! Perfectly poured!
YEA! Good for you! This big pile of crap cake is to celebrate the end of your bout with constipation. Congratulations on your return to regularity!
Oh, and you can thank us later for ruining chocolate for you forevermore. It'll save you so many calories!
"Well, at least we know that the laxatives work, Mr. Johnson. And I'm sure you'll agree that's awesome."
It's a smooth, shiny, chocolatey covered mountain with a lovely little cave for a cute little creature to hide in. Alyssa Morris
Chocolate! You can't go wrong with chocolate!
(That IS chocolate, right?!)
-Katie R., chocolate lover
Well, the chocolate does a nice job of disguising what appears to be a chicken leg on top of the cake....and, y'know, it's always important to hide those.
laura shachmut
The marble cutting board has an AWESOME smudge on the front that really complements the frosting.
You have to admit, it doesn't look too hard, and not being too hard is definitely awesome. Besides that, have you ever seen such a sheen on such a thing? Awesome!?
Andre the Giant ('cause he was definitely awesome)
Its not that often you can test the frosting on a cake and no one would notice (that is, if you dare) But Chocolate! who doesn't love chocolate? and there is PLENTY to go around
Ashley Rowser
Well, when I took Wastewater Treatment Plant Design in college, they told us that shit always runs downhill. However, this cake appears to have shit running uphill! This wreckarator is so talented, he has managed to defy the laws of gravity! Oh yeah, and it's very shiney too. :)
Mary BT from Mi Vida Azar. http://marybt.wordpress.com
Wow - the terribleness of this cake is so awesome, on a scale of 1-5 I give it a solid number 2.
It's obviously a chocolate cake with chocolate frosting. Who doesn't love chocolate? Who doesn't love frosting? I'd say that cake is all kinds of AWESOME!
It's shiny! And SHINY is AWESOME!
Peg Linge
That last one is so shiny, and shiny is awesome.
Losing 5 pounds in one swell poop -- uh, I meant "fell swoop" -- AWESOME!!!
Marble is awesome!!
Uhhhh..........It looks like a beehive. Bees make honey. Honey is good.
Yeah... that's pretty much just a pile of dung... no way around it. Though that poor marble slab it's on looks quite nice.
It looks like a beehive - covered in chocolate! How cute... :-)
That icing does have a nice sheen to it. I've never seen icing so shiny in my life.
Krystal DP
At least the elephant is feeling better. must be all that corn.
At least nothing is misspelled...?
Sure it may look like "that", but did you notice the beautiful marble slab that it was DUMPed on?! A slab so gorgeous it could have only come from the BOWELS of the quarry!
Wow, there are a lot of Loris here.
That cake is so scary that it keeps people from coming to the display case, thereby saving the other cakes from being eaten. It's a hero cake!
-Lori B. (the cool one)
It's shiny and smooth and reminds me how AWESOME it is to be REGULAR! Because you know no one wants to have dull ....
It's served on a slab of marble! If that doesn't scream "classy", then I don't know what does.
I think that cake represents Hershey, Pennsylvania celebrating the birth of the Hershey's Kiss and the Hottest Day of the Year! Two celebrations in one day is awesome!
Chad White
chad [at] cupadeecakes [dot] com
It's shiny. Shiny things rule! Usually.
That is the shiny-est chocolate icing I have ever seen! I wonder if you look at the other side your reflection will be magnified?
look at all that CHOCOLATE?! no matter how "crappy" the thing looks you know it has to taste good when it's got about a pound of melty chocolate poured over it.
oh, and my name is addie
Well, there is a mirror in the background, and mirror’s are awesome. Like when you are in an elevator with mirrored walls and you dance around fascinated by how many arms there are and how far back they go,until somebody else steps on the elevator. But until that moment... mirrors are awesome!