Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
Well, according to Urban Dictionary, AWESOME is a 'sticking plaster' word used by Americans to cover over the huge gaps in their vocabulary. Kinda like the way the creator of this cake used melted poo-icing to cover over what I'm sure is an AWESOME cake underneath!
the marble slab is probably easy to disinfect after the cake is done away with! and clean marble slabs are awesome!
mara
Well. Hm. This is hard.. Really hard. Like others have already mentioned; It's shiny. And shiny is always a good thing, right!? Shiny bald heads and shiny..eh..p**p. Another thing. It's obviously made of lots of chockolate, so it probably tastes good. Probably. And it looks like a mountain! I love mountains! Especially shiny chocolate mountains! Maybe the baker had an experience resembling the potatomash-happening in "Close Encounters". And sci-fi movies is AWESOME!
It looks super glossy? And chocolaty. And uhh... I'd totally eat that . chocolate. mhhm. Where'd I leave my cookies?
It's shiny! Shiny things are nice.
That tart in the front left corner looks fabulous!
All it's needs is a fly and it would be "AWESOME".
Maggie Pike
Being afraid of the dark is NOT awesome, and cakes get scared too. When covering a cake with an intense amount of ganache, this baker conveniently left a little hole or nightlight, if you will, and consideration for others is awesome.
Probably the best thing about the beehive-shaped pile of poo is that I didn't have to smell, touch, or taste it. Let's face it, some cakes are just so repulsive it's hard to remember they're just cake. But hey, that's why it's so awesome. It's so life-like! Life-like is awesome. Right? Right?
-Rebekah L. at ASU.
OOOOooo! Shiny! And Edward is shiny, right? You know? Edward from that Twilight thing? Or was he sparkly? Anyhow,...
That high-gloss finish and those distressed edges must have taken hours to complete! This baker would make any HGTV host insanely jealous.
That last one is... so... well, smooth and shiny. Like... something (averting eyes) left out in the hot sun on a humid day. And the sun is good! Happy happy! Even if you are like me and have to avoid it, in order to minimize your risk of skin cancer or something.
Mjx
Ooh! Shiny! It really brings out the brown!
-Kamis
I do believe that that last cake is the exact shade that my yoga instructor had in mind when he was counseling us on the optimum pooh. Course, he also said it should float - which I don't think this cake could. . . But optimum pooh-color is Awesome!
It looks like it came out nice and smoothly, and that's always good.
All it needs is a fly on top and it's "AWESOME".
Maggie Pike
I personally like that it's on a marble slab, lol.
Morgan Wilson
That marble slab must have cost at least $16.95 and fancy marble is AWESOME.
Is that a car dashboard it's resting on? In that case... could this be an AWESOME edible airbag? Yes: this puts the "ACK!" into "accident."
-Sonia from Germany
It's the cake that keeps on giving...like the Giving Tree...um, yeah, that's it! See the bottom part...looks like a tree stump sporting a bodacious bee hive. Ah...*sniff, sniff*...giving bees a home...such a kind tree...selfless tree...poopular tree.
Oops, sorry...Freudian slip... :-)
The best thing about that cake is that no one can possibly look at it without thinking, "I can do better than that!" Hundreds--nay, THOUSANDS--of potential Wreckerators who wouldn't have otherwise dared to bake will be pulling out their cake pans and mixing up their frosting. That means more laughs and more cake for us, and nuffink could be more awesome than MORE CAKE!
Beverly, aka Persistence
um...i like chocolate? so there appears to be a lot of it. that's kind of awesome.
It's awesome because it makes the other cakes look pretty good! Way to take one for the team, Turd Cake; your selfless nobility is an inspiration to us all.
Unfortunately, Johnny always misheard the technique as "Vulcan mind-melt" and so he never had any friends, because, well, just look at what happens!
The last cake looks a little like a beehive! And bees make honey! And honey has a mild laxative effect, which can keep your "pipes" from getting clogged! And unclogged pipes are awesome!
Um, yeah, the last cake is really, really shiny. And shiny is AWESOME. Really.
wv: precant. Disclaimer before admitting you are not able to do something (like come up with a funny and AWESOME comment about that horrible mess of a cake).
The cool marble slab is wonderful and it looks like the chocolate is nicely tempered by the beautiful, glossy shine! Two wonderful bits of praise for the swirly brown cake at the end! Allyson Francis of A Cook's Delight (acooksdelightri.com, but I try to stay wreck-less!)
WV: dinest - After viewing some wrecks on this site, I prefer not to dinest for a while.
The chocolate icing is so shiny! I can never get mine to stay shiny like that...
How's that? ;-)
The glaze is so smooth, so shiny, so much chocolatey yum, so awesome!
Ooh, look at that lovely marble slab on which the oozing brown pile is set. That slab could very well be used for cutting cheese, couldn't it? 'Cuz that would be AWESOME if you did - cut the cheese on it, that is.
Anne-Marie McDonald
What a beautiful sheen of the chocolate turd that any mouse would love to burrow into the perfectly trapezoidally shaped opening. Who wouldn't be pleased?
Becky Branscum says...
Awesome how durable that marble slab is, It can be dropped and not a crack in it still able to hold up the replica of Mt. Vesuvius!! Amazing!!!!
I can see what the baker was thinking--these people keep buying and eating all my cake! I never get any! Aha, I know a sure-fire way that I'll be able to eat a whole cake by myself. Mwahahah!!
At least, that's what I would be thinking...
-Marcella
It's a very visually relaxing cake. It reminds us that things we normally think of us tough or hard can sometimes be more pliant than we believed. It tells us that sometimes there is no strain involved. Things can happen quickly, easily, and with little effort and maximum relief. It's a confection catharsis!
Underneath all that shine, it's just a regular cake, right? And regularity is ... well, awesome!
Wow, Mount St. Helens just two weeks after the eruption!! Awesome!!!!
Heidi
Wow, awesome depiction of a brown headless buddha! So realistic and creative!
http://jadejewelrystore.com/store/images/3744-brown-jade-buddha-pendant.jpg
It's a very visually relaxing cake. It reminds us that things we normally think of us tough or hard can sometimes be more pliant than we believed. It tells us that sometimes there is no strain involved. Things can happen quickly, easily, and with little effort and maximum relief. It's a confection catharsis!
There's so much chocolate in this cake that it would be medicinal for even the worst PMS day. (And medicine doesn't have to look pretty; it just has to alleviate the symptoms.)
Susan G in southeast Wisc
A la "Cheese" from the Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends.
"I like Chocolate Milk!" *drool*
---------------------------
That's the first thing I thought of - and let's face it, Foster's is an AWESOME cartoon!!! My favorite is when my whole family sits around the table and does the Cheese vs. Eduardo....
"I like Chocolate Milk!"
"Si, and I like Potatos!"
OR
doitagain! doitagain! doitagain! doitagain!
Even Daddy gets in on the action!
Ya - watching Cartoons with your kids is totally AWESOME! :)
Much love Jen and John!!
<3 Tiffany Bonnewell
Imagine how satisfying it would be to throw THAT cake at someone who really deserved it. Think about the horror in their eyes as the chocolate mound of scary came flying at them. Delight in the image of chocolate goo and crumbs dripping down their face and sticking in their hair.
Now that is awesome.
Clearly, the last one is the spitting image of gloppy the chocolate monster from the beloved game Candyland! right? right?
That cake is so shiny the calories slide right off. Yeah, that's it..
One word:
Ganache.
I don't much care how bad something looks if I know, at its core, it is chocolate melted in heavy cream.
It's chocolate, that's the good news right there! Crystal Landon
Estonia! Faugh! Who cares about Estonia? Send the book to Morocco! Cuz in Morocco, we know that last cake is AWESOME because, um...because, um...it was made by a 5 year old! And 5 years olds are awesomely squeaky, especially when they don't actually live with you.
the shiny glossyness of er. whatever it is. makes my dull, lustre-less hair so jealous. obviously.
It's.....shiny?
Becca Ouren
What a beautiful marble board, it really brings out the complete lack of color in the cake!
I guess with a pile that large, there must be a pony around here somewhere. Ponies are awesome!