Thursday
Dec162010
The 12 Wrecks Of Christmas
December 16, 2010 On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
A choking hazard in a treeeee.On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Two buttered bells,And a choking hazard in a tree.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Three whipped ghosts,(And by "whipped," I mean they do what their wives tell them)
Two buttered bells,
And a study on the Heimlich for me.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Four day-glo Santas,Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a bunch of crap in a gross tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
♪ Fiiiiiiiive molded 'shrooms! ♪Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a lot of flotsam in a gross tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Six pounds of icing,♪ Fiiiiive fungusesssses! ♪
Four day-glo Santas,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And seriously, did you see all the stuff in that tree?
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Seven snowmen melting,Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪ Fiiiiive Penicillin-bearing spores!! ♪ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a plastic coated nasty icing tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Eight runny egg yolks,(WHY?!?)
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♪♫ Fiiiiive molded hallucinogenics!! ♪ ♫ ♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And is anyone even still reading this?
Nine kiwis riding... reindeer? Swans? Thestrals?Eight I-think-he-hates-me,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me: Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♬ ♫ Fiiiiive really fun guys!!! ♪ ♫ ♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a beer.
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight runny egg yolks,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫ ♬ ♪♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiive agaricus bisporus! ♪ ♫♩♩♫ ♬ ♬
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a reason to have the ER on speed dial.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:
Nine kiwis riding,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Eight counts of salmonella,
Seven snowmen melting,
Six pounds of icing,
♫♭♫ ♬ ♪♫♭♫♩♬ ♫ Fiiiiiiive SUPER fun guys!!! ♪ ♫♭♩♫♩♫ ♬ ♬ ♭♫
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Four Santa blobs,
Three whipped ghosts,
Two buttered bells,
And a Cake Wrecks Calendar
for me!
Thanks to Michelle, Amanda C., Kyle C., Cheyanne, Joel S., Georgia T., Erin T., Monica K., NWM, Monica B., Jana S., & Jon D., who have been counting down the days 'til they could endorse a fine product like the 2011 Cake Wrecks Wall Calendar. [nodding earnestly] It's true. Take my word for it. No need to ask any of them. Or even check to see if they are, in fact, real people.
-------------------------------------------------
CCC Day #4
Click here to donate your dollar!
Reader Comments (322)
OMGOSSSSHHHHH! It's after 11pm, my entire family is in bed and I'm laughing like a hyena!
Yes, I read the whole thing. I forgot the 10th day. And I got the hiccups, twice!!!!!! (must have been the beer!)
"And a beer..." HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, the Mackenzie brothers are a Christmas classic. Mix it in with a Harry Potter reference, a Sesame Street reference, and CW, and my Christmas is complete. :)
And may I say, YAY for Best Friends Sanctuary. My really good friend's husband works there. They do a lot of awesome stuff there. Everyone GIVE!
There are many other animal charities that do not have the overhead like Best Friends. I'd like to see some charity picks where at least 50 cents of my dollar would go to the cause.
Lol!! I love your version of this song. As for these "cakes" Santa is going to leave 12 lumps of coal for each of these wreckerators for killing all their customers with flotsam cakes lol..
Awwww, I want a Slimey the Worm cake! He's so cute!
This had me laughing out loud tonight! OMG! Thanks for posting...
Not only did we read the WHOLE thing...my sister and I sang it. yes, we did. :) It was a little hard, since we were laughing so much!
Ok, seriously - the funniest post ever! (And I bought three calendars as gifts today!!!)
Thanks ... I was singing along as I scrolled through the post :P
I LOVE this. Thanks so much, Jen!
Love, love, love this post. The first day christmas gift (and all it wonderful variations) kept laughing until the end of this post.
Aw, love the Bob and Doug MacKenzie nod.
And the wreckage.
#1 Proof that the secret to art is knowing when to stop. In this case, the ideal time to stop was before starting.
#2 You know.
#3 Are those 'ghosts' solid frosting? That would be scary!
#4 So close to being a good idea, then the wreckerator showed up.
#5 Ah, it's the holiday classic, ''Shrooms on Poo Mountain'. What is on the cake board -- spores?
#6 Santa wanted to see if perhaps there was some cake in there somewhere. Brave soul...
#7 I could wish these were divinity (though that would not explain the 'decoration'), but there is nothing divine about the concept of cookies buried under frosting.
#8 I'll buy the lemon pie filling theory, but it sure looks like a collection of two-minute eggs.
#9 Zero, or one of the characters from Spy vs. Spy. In this case, why vs. why.
#10 Awww. 'A Salvador Dali Christmas.'
#10a. A bit of an improvement, actually.
#11 How much (if any) of that is actually edible? The green looks like yarn.
Congratulations! (or congradulations)
Today's was excellent. I can tell a lot of work went into it, and it was really funny. I have no idea what the thestral\swans are either, and love that you even found the "fun guy" cake.
My mouth is watering....
I haven't been following you all that long but this is one of your best posts so far! Great to start the day off with such a laugh!
Am I the only reader who had the muppets singing this in her head? Yes I'm that much of a geek. :P
Oh oh oh! The beer! Are you referencing Bob and Doug McKenzie's Twelve Days of Christmas? I love you.
That was awesome! Now it's going through my head except I can't get past the salmonella!
Jen, John, and all who had anything to do with this post:
1) I agree with everyone who thinks this post is AWESOME to the nth degree, and also with those who think the wreck pics should be made into a slide show video to illustrate the lyrics sung by one and all. Might even be a best seller if provided as such....
2) Over the years, I've come to dread hearing this carol, as it is quite long, and also parodied ad infinitum. But this post has indeed restored my faith in the carol AND the witty parody.
Y'all rock, and keep doing what you're doing! Tidings of delight and joy to you and yours, as you have surely given all of us.
~~Swan
Wondering why there are 3 "used" copies of the Cake Wreck calendar available on amazon?
I'll donate a dollar for you to post a video of someone singing this on YouTube.
My daughter sang the whole song. Thanks for the laughs.
Best post ever!!! I especially loved the hidden Harry Potter reference!!! Yay HP geeks!!!
Wow. You have OUTDONE yourself. And I was crying with laughter when I got to the thestral-riding-kiwis.
Totally love it!! You rock Jen!
I have a first giving page too!
It's called:
Kathleen Shay's Fundraising Page
I was inspired by you!!!
hope you like my page on first giving
URL to it:
http://www.firstgiving.com/kathleenshay
~kshay
"and a beer"!! Yay! Someone else knows that version of the carol!
Love the Slimey Canes. Priceless.
Best post EVER! And Merry Christmas to you both!
I read this with my 9 year old and 6 year old giggling all the way! We really enjoyed it- a perfect Holiday (we're equal- opportunity celebrants in this house) Gift from my favorite blog. Site. What have you.
And I thought my family was funny! Seriously! You almost put us to shame! We LOVE LOVE LOVE to make up lyrics to songs!
-Catherine
@krystina--yes. The things the kiwis are riding totally look like battle droids.
Funniest version of this ever.
seriously that was just fun to read, with or with out actually looking at the cakes, and yes I did sing it! Merry Christmas! :)
I always enjoy your posts but I really enjoyed today's. It was absolutely hilarious (AKA- weird looks from the husband as I laughed repeatedly out loud) and the bonus was seeing Best Friend's Animal Society at the bottom. It is a great charity that I love to donate to!
That was the funniest post ever!!! My 7 year old daughter said and I quote, "that is hilarious"!!!!
Desarae
Shouldn't it be your "1000nd" post? Edi
I've read every single post, and this is my favorite. Thanks!
Jessica
ok, so just get home from work, yes it's 1:25am and I am trying to stifle my laughter especially at nine...this was great!! Keep up the good work, look fwd to more in the new year!!
Sang it to my girlfriend, who...well, if we weren't already in bed, she'd have collapsed in paroxysms of laughter, as it was, well, I had to pause a few times (and she had to change positions) so she could breathe!
Favorite post ever!
Best. Post. EVER. Merry Christmas!
i am so happy you threw in "and a beer" as the first day. that song always cracks me up :) great post!
I was singing alongto your song and then I sang, without reading before hand "Is anyonew still reading this" Ad I laughed.
"And a beer" I love that song :)
Not sure if anyone else mentioned it, but the mushrooms are the only part of that sad bouche de Nöel that they got right. Pretty decent really.
just. effing. awesome. i loved thestrals and laughed so hard at 10 lbs of nothing. and the tree. and all of it. aaaha hilarious!
That was hilarious! I laughed so hard I cried..
Yes, I'm reading. No, in fact, I am SINGING it in operatic tones to my husband, and that part threw me off, so thanks a lot!
And I vote thestrals.
A beer? And no ten? Well I never!
:)