Doilies and Squiggles and Spray Paint, Oh My!

It's time again for everyone's favorite:  WEDDING WRECKS!

(Well, everyone but the bride.)

(And possibly the baker who may or may not have been assaulted by the aforementioned bride)

What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

Hey, Jen has a dummy cake in her office this exact shade of Wilton Spray-On Blue!

Proof:

Don't ask.

(Or do; Jen's rather proud of it.)

 Moving on...

 What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

I like to imagine a bakery order sheet somewhere with the words, "Pink, brown, and squiggly" all checked off.

(Btw, "Pink, brown, & squiggly" is the name of my topless Vegas act.)

 What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

To be fair, it's probably just the lighting.  Really, really bad lighting.  Like hospital lighting.  Or maybe morgue lighting. Heck, I bet every body looks like this in a morgue.

 [Later that day:

 "John, why do we have 300 emails from morticians?!"]

 What the bride wanted:

 What the bride got:

  When only the best will do: Doilies.

Thanks to P. C., Jenni S., Brett R., Esther G., and Jen for keeping the baby cake locked in the closet and away from the knives...

"Ham" Or "Pig Intestines?"

 Do you like

green, eggs and ham?

I do not like them,

Baker, ma'am.

I do not like

green, eggs and ham.

Would you like them 

at your wedding?

Would you like them 

in that setting?

I would not like them

at my wedding.

I would not like them

in that setting.

I do not like them,

Baker, ma'am.

I do not like

green, eggs and ham!

Would you like ham thinly sliced?

Would you like eggs nicely iced?

I would not like ham thinly sliced

I would not like eggs nicely iced.

Seriously, lady.

I AM NOT EATING THIS.

Thanks to Tracy C. for inspiring me to lay off ham sandwiches for a while. (But never deviled eggs. Why can't I quit you, you eggy devils, you?!)