Baffling Star Wars Wrecks That Demand Answers

May the 4th is coming, young padawans, so this is the perfect time to ask something about Star Wars that's been bugging me for YEARS.

::dramatic pause::

What the heck is up with this cake design?

It's supposed to look like that. I checked.

As you can see, it's a weirdly patriotic, abstract, head-floaty situation.

The dot pattern shifts around almost as much as the official explanation for midi-chlorians.

"No, really, they were there all along, Luke." #DealWithIt

And why the candy cane stripes? Why these colors? WHY DARTH VADER'S HEAD? What does it all meeeean?

Granted, Strangers Things have happened.

Heyoooo.

Darth Demogorgon: The Empire Turned Upside Down.

While we're talking here, maybe one of you can tell me what these are:

All I see are fish. I'm so confused.

Which brings me to the ULTIMATE baffling Star Wars design. This thing's got it all: Abstract explosions. A kiddy pool. Darth attacking bird droppings. And of course, more dots.

[whispering] It's a Masterpiece of Mystery.

So in conclusion, minions:

May the fourth is coming.

Brace yourselves.

And thanks to M.L., Anne, Autumn A., Ruthie G., Anony M., Hilary G., & Brent K. for reminding us to use the forks. Otherwise icing gets everywhere.

*****

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And from my other blog, Epbot:

Under The Sea With No-Face Cinderella

When Cassie asked her bakery if they could draw Ariel and Flounder on a cookie cake for her...

... they said yes.

Then Cassie showed them this picture:

... and they STILL said they could do it.

See, that was your first warning sign, Cassie.

This was your second.

Still, at least they gave poor Ariel a face. Raelin's baker, on the other head, failed so badly that she actually scraped off Cinderella's face and delivered the cake like this:

I KNOW RIGHT

I had to read the e-mail to understand what the heck I was looking at. It looks like an upside down chick with a shaved belly!

I mean "chick" as in baby chicken, btw.

It's weird I have to clarify that.

But also why I love you guys.

And while we're celebrating Princess Week (did I mention it's Princess Week? Hey, minions, IT'S PRINCESS WEEK), let's take a moment to appreciate that one woman's castle is another woman's castle, IF you know what I mean.

Heyoooo.

Also you might want to get that leak looked at.

Now get out there, princesses, and smash this weekend the way our patron saint would want you to:

HULK PRETTY PRINCESS.
HULK SMASH PATRIARCHAL EXPECTATIONS OF GENDER CONFORMITY.

YAAAAASSS.

Thanks to Cassie C., Raelin K., Janine E., & Stefani K. for giving us serious birthday cake goals.

*****

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 Visiting Amazon through those links will help support the site, and costs you nothing. Thanks, guys!

And from my other blog, Epbot: