Hail, Hailoween!

So my question is this: how heavy does your southern accent have to be that you not only pronounce it "Hailoween", but you also think it's spelled that way?

Go on, say it out loud. It's fun. You know you want to.

Hah! See? Told you it was fun.

And speaking of Wrecked inscriptions...

I'm kind of getting a mixed message here.

And speaking of things that are mixed up...

I think somebody needs an anatomy lesson.

And speaking of anatomy:

These are NOT what you think they are.

Unless you think they're simply flesh-colored versions of a "pumpkin" and a "haystack," that is. Then they are what you think they are. Allegedly.

Kind of like how this is allegedly a pumpkin:

...and NOT a turd exploding on the sun.

Chickpea, Katie H., Sarah C., Bill P., & Rebekah F., that stem really wipes out the competition, doesn't it?

- Related Wreckage: Why You Don't Raid Other People's Refrigerators

Oh, It Sends a Message Alright

The label on this says it's a "message cookie":

Now, I'm just ballparking here, but I think the message might be something along the lines of:

"When I think of you, I think of bug-infested poop. And football. Because I hate football."

Gee, at this point, why not just cut to the chase?

"The Message Cookie: When you hate enough to actually spend money on more clearly expressing your hatred."

Remember, E.M., if you're ever offered a poo-spotted football cake, the proper response is: "Thanks, but I think I'll pass."

- Related Wreckage: Graduate! Celebrate! "Decorate!"