It's Like Beer Goggles For People With Dirty Minds

We all start out so innocent.

Every kid loves balloons, right?

Until one day, you start to look closer.

"Hey! Waaaait a second..."

!!

Next thing you know, you see them circling everywhere.

Dancing, mocking you.

Gathering their forces.

Closing in. 

You: "Someone else is seeing this, right? It's not just me? TELL ME IT'S NOT JUST ME."

Everyone else: ::silence::

Everyone else: ::silence::

Everyone else: "Haaaaappy birthday toooo you!"

Don't worry, though, minions; eventually you learn to make peace with your new super power. And one day, you may even start to have fun with it.

Like this:

Ready...

Aim...

FI-YUR!!

Admit it, our way is way funnier.

Enjoy your boring old "balloons" and "candles" everyone else; we'll just be over here nudging each other and snickering.

Thanks to Laura P., Danielle N., Amanda M., Deborah V., Sam H. & Cindy A. for not letting one climactic birthday go to her head.

*****

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This SHOULD Be NSFW, But... Nope

Minions, you ever get the feeling your baker has a one-track mind?

I mean, Sweet Stay Puft, the only way this could be more obvious is if it came with a tunnel and a Playgirl subscription.

(Also there's a caboose joke in here somewhere, I just know it.)

Then there's all the sports stuff! C'mon, guys, you're not fooling anyone with your "scoring" and "hole-in-ones" and "dribbling down the court," which Google tells me is an actual sports thing...

...and also a pretty accurate description of whatever's happening here.

o.0

Nope. Not touching that one.

We all like to think graduates have a good head on their shoulders, but then again...

... we don't usually have to specify how many.

Still, it's nice to know that if someone wants an ACTUAL cake phallus, we can trust bakers to provide something that is almost, but not quite, exactly unlike a one-eyed trouser weasel:

Wow.

The grassy patch and bubbles are inspired.

::head tilt::

Though by what, I have no idea.

Thanks to Samantha A., Tanya S., April W., Miranda, & Tiffany V., who thinks her bakery needs to make more Thomas the Train cakes to beef up on their ding-a-lings.

*****

Do you shop Amazon? Then how about clicking through my affiliate link to shop? USA, UK, Canada.

 Visiting Amazon through those links will help support the site, and costs you nothing. Thanks, guys!

And from my other blog, Epbot: