News Bites!

By popular demand, more Top Headlines, illustrated by Wrecks.
Because that's how the news SHOULD be told.

"Apple Fans Conduct World's First iPad Wedding"

The article didn't have any pics of their wedding cake, but I like to think it looked something like this "Apple computer":

Steve Jobs would be proud.

"Biologists Use Calvin Klein's Obsession to Attract Big Cats"

In other news: getitoffgetitoffofmygoshgetitoff!!

No word yet on the cats' stance on heavy petting.

"Boy Saves Sister from Moose Using World of Warcraft Skills"

Clearly, this kid deserves one kick-a$ WoW cake. So let's take a picture of one and stick it on another cake:

Perfect.

(Note: Believe it or not, the cake in the picture printed on the cake in the picture is what Goran wanted, not this. So if your baker ever asks for a "reference photo," be afraid. Be very afraid.)

Thanks to industrious Wreckporters Anony M., Stephanie B., & Goran P.!

This Weekend, Pig Out

Since Monday is Memorial Day, I thought you guys might appreciate a few food tips before your weekend get-togethers kick off.

Tip #1: So long as you have beer and bacon, all of your male friends will be happy.

Which is why I, as a girl, think it would be hilarious if you substituted all the beer and bacon with beer and bacon cakes, like this one. Just think how pleased the guys will be at the surprise!

Tip #2: Know your pig.

Calm down; I mean the animal.

Sometimes I think a vegan named these things. "Haha! I will name THIS one 'jowl butt,' so NO ONE will EVER want to eat it! Mwuhahahahaa!

Now, who wants some niiice fresh asparagus?"

Tip #3: Sometimes it helps to channel your inner Freddie.

Ewwww.

Tip #4: Or, if you're like me and subscribe to the "no guts; too gory" philosophy of food, try the all-inclusive cooking method:

Just don't forget the apple.
I don't know why. Just...don't.

Bonus: When you're done, you'll have a lovely centerpiece!

"I see you eating that jowl butt. And, yeah, I'm totally judging you."

Never mind all that, though, because the important thing to remember here is the glory of bacon.

Apparently it even makes 40 better. Although what that has to do with a mountain range at sunset is beyond me.

Julie B., Kellie B., Jade B., Dorota, Monica I., & Melissa C., notice how I didn't say anything about head cheese? Yep. Some lines you just don't cross.