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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

All Hands On Wreck: Pirate Ship Wedding Cake A Sight For Sore "Ayes"

Today's bride had an interesting request for her wedding: she wanted a pirate ship for the cake.

The baker was totally onboard, though, [snerk] and even sent over this inspiration picture so the bride would know what to expect on her Big Day.

You're seeing it now, right? All white, roses... I'll be darned if this isn't pretty elegant!


Ahh, but trim the sails and lash the rigging, ye scurvy dawgs, 'cuz here comes the actual wedding cake our anonymous bride got instead:


Now that's a cake for private tears.

(Privateers? Eh? EH?)

You know, I could almost forgive the general fold-out-sofa-bed-on-blue-shag-carpet vibe going on here, but I cannot - CANNOT - get past those hysterical little "sails." Seriously. The longer you look at them, the funnier it gets. Like a hippo using a moist towelette square to preserve her modesty.

And that mental image you're having right now? Still not as funny as those sails.


Thanks to my anonymous bride minion, who I'm pretty sure is why the rum is gone. But hey, who could blame her?


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Reader Comments (18)

With apologies once again to Bob and Larry.

This is the baker, who screwed up royally,
He sent this picture, it was a lie.
And if you ask him to bake anything,
He will tell you, he can bake anything.

Verse 1:
He couldn't make the rigging.
He didn't make a gangplank.
This is not a baker you ever want to call.
It looks more like a sofa,
On a blue shag carpet.
He couldn't make a pirate ship at all.

Verse 2:
You can't call that thing a ship.
It looks more like a barge.
This baker's career is headed for a fall.
Those things cannot be sails,
More like Kleenex on a toothpick.
He couldn't make a pirate ship at all.

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterMike

Ok. Your puns are getting totally out of control.

But they still make me laugh.

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterCathy

It's not just a queen-size bed, it's an underwear dryer, too!

And that's not all!

Here's your ready-made float for the next Mardi Gras parade with hi-quality safety railings to protect everyone. Those rowdy spectators will never get you!

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterAl the K

I.Do.Not.Understand. How do the bakers not see the discrepancies with such horrors? This isn't just a different color of ribbon or a couple of extra pieces of plastic flotsam; this isn't even close! You know, there could be a whole industry just for lawyers who represent brides of cake wrecks.

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterhedgebaby60

Oh that poor, poor bride! A plain cake from Costco would be better than this wreck. And I thought I had it bad because someone at the bakery spilled poppy seeds on my cake. Dad picked it up & didn't look at it. Mom & I spent I don't know how long before the ceremony picking the seeds out with toothpicks.

Did the baker even apologize for misleading her?

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterBonnie

Are those... pretzel rods ... holding up the railing and sails?

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterRK

The baker is a little dingy

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterVal

Silly bride. Those aren't sails, but small white flags of surrender from the baker who just couldn’t drink enough grog to figure out what a proper pirate ship looks like.

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterKara

It looks like a ship that has been dredged up from the bottom of the sea after years going missing.

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterPeggy

To me the original ship looked more like a "sailing away into our happy life together" than a pirate ship. What she got looks like nothing on earth!

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterDorothy

My first thought was, why is there a really dark Twinkie on the back?

(…She probably would have been a better Hostess had she served snack cakes instead!)
(Sorry, I work with a really punny guy. It rubs off.)

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterYet another Jen

I see loaves of bread stuck together with brown mustard squirted around the edges. At best, it looks like the baker forgot the white fondant and frosting.

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJill

I think the *baker* may be the reason the rum is all gone, to judge by the obvious degeneration of baking skills between promise and delivery!

@Mike - That made me laugh. =-)

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSeabird

Huh. I wasn't seeing "sails". It looks a little more like a cheap futon, with a rail around it .The "sails" are the "script" the porno actors are going to use for the scene in the movie "Three Sheets to the Wind"....
"Yo! Somebody get me a shot, hey? I can't do this gig sober!"

February 28, 2018 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

Mike, I think i love you

March 1, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterSerinde

WHY would you send a picture and then send... THAT??? WHY?! What that baker created looks much more like a barge than a ship. I mean, at best. But bless him or her because those sails... I laugh every time I look at them!!

March 1, 2018 | Unregistered Commenterlesli

And they make a ship cake pan (I have one) so they could have done something much better with little effort.

March 1, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterJessie

Did this "decorator" hate the bride? Why the heck would you send in a picture claiming one thing then send this thing in it's place? I really hope they did not pay for that thing.

March 2, 2018 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

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