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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Best Of The Best (80)

Sunday
Aug202017

Sunday Sweets: Filibuster Edition

A friend once told me, "I love all your posts, but I have to admit, on Sundays you could really write anything. I'm just there for the gorgeous cakes."

Hey, works for me! So, let's see, all I need is to pull together a bunch of amazing cakes, like this:

(By BMT Cake Designs)

...and then fill up the page with whatever I want. It's a Sweets filibuster!

 

Does anybody have a copy of Green Eggs and Ham?
No? Ok, never mind. I'll improvise.

(By Jessicakes)

But, soft! what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon, Who is already sick and pale with grief, That thou her maid art far more fair than she.

 

(By Mike's Amazing Cakes)

A towel is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V ... and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

 

(By Mishelle Handy Cakes, pic by David Baxter Photography)

I read some 4 and 5 star reviews by those who used this device successfully to change a baby while driving. On that basis, I bought one. I put my baby on it and drove for over an hour. It did not change. Same baby. I am glad it worked for some people but I will be returning mine.

 

(By Cotton and Crumbs)

I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

 

(By Iced and Dazzle, pic by Erin Schaefgen Photography)

I hated her... SOOO... much, it - flame, flames? Flames, on the side of my face, breathing - breath, heaving breaths. Heaving breaths... Heathing...

 

(By Cakes Decor member Ria123)

Up up down down left right left right B A start.

 

(By Lovely Cakes)

"You are using Bonetti's defense against me, ah?"
"I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain."
"Naturally, you must expect me to attack with Capo Ferro."
"Naturally, but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro, don't you?"

 

(By Rosebud Cakes)

...and I believe you should put a woman on a pedestal.. high enough so you can look up her dress. And I believe in equality, equality for everyone.. no matter how stupid they are, or how much better I am than they are. And, people say I'm crazy for believing this, but I believe that robots are stealing my luggage.

 

(By Cakes By Beth)

A king cake is a type of cake associated in a number of countries with the festival of Epiphany at the end of the Christmas season, and in other places with the pre-Lenten celebrations of Mardi Gras / Carnival. The cake often has a small plastic baby (said to represent Baby Jesus) inside (or sometimes placed underneath), and the person who gets the piece of cake with the trinket has various privileges and obligations.

 

(By Party Flavors Custom Cakes, photo by Amanda McMahon Photography)

1. Take ice tray over to the sink and fill it with cold water.
2. Place the water-filled ice tray back in the freezer.
3. Shut the door to the freezer.

 

(By Neli Josefson)

During the rectification of the Vuldrini, the traveler came as a large and moving Torg! Then, during the third reconciliation of the last of the McKetrick supplicants, they chose a new form for him: that of a giant Slor! Many Shuvs and Zuuls knew what it was to be roasted in the depths of the Slor that day, I can tell you!

That's it! The filibuster's over.

Thank goodness these Sweets speak for themselves.

*****

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Friday
Aug182017

This One's For The Girls

(ATTENTION MOMS: this post may be mildly inappropriate for young children.)

 

Alright ladies, it's OUR turn.

That's right: it's time to turn the tables on all those chauvinistic guys who order the boob or butt cakes, rendering the female form as nothing more than an object - and an edible one at that! It's time to ogle the MALE form in cake for once, and show them how it feels! You heard me, gentlemen: prepare... to be objectified!! [rubbing hands together] Heheheh. This is gonna be awesome.

Ok, let's start the show!

First up, ladies, check out this sexy little...

Oh.

["Urp"ing noise]

Sorry, sorry. Uh, yeah, Julie B.? This one's really not doing anything for me. In fact, the neck hump area is kind of grossing me out.

 

Not to worry, though; there's more where that came from. Next!

Huh.

Um, Donna B., not that I don't appreciate the liberal use of painted-on under-arm hair (and other hair which I was kind enough to cover - you're welcome) and the whole "good luck on your wedding night" sentiment, but again, this is really having more of the opposite effect on me. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that it looks like the chest of a pasty-white prepubescent.

 

Ohhhkay. Now I just creeped myself out, looking at this. [averting eyes] Next! NEXT!!

Whoa! I think we just went to the other extreme; this guys looks to be about 70. And is it just me, or does he have a bunch of raisins on his chest? That, or his chest hair has gone all matted and clumpy.

[gagging] Rapidly. Losing. Appetite.

By the way, Amanda E., not that I'm complaining, but I don't think he has any nipples. Again, NOT complaining. Really. Put those raisins down, woman!

 

Oh, look: Tam & Annabel found Mr. Heard-it-through-the-grapevine's bottom half, and it begs the question...

Is acupuncture ever a good package deal? Just wondering.

 

Ok, this is ridiculous. I don't feel like we've objectified any guys at all with these cakes! Sarah W., you're our last hope. Bring it, sistah.

Aaaugh!! My eyes! My seared, bleeding eyes!

What this headless, neckless, armless, and legless torso lacks in limbs it certainly makes up for with day-glo orange streakiness. Not to mention that it exudes a kind of sinister intelligence: I swear it's looking at me.

In fact, here's a hypothetical for y'all: You get up in the middle of the night, and turn suddenly to find this cake hopping along behind you. Do you:

a) scream
b) laugh
c) grab a fork or
d) all of the above?

[sigh]

Well, ladies, I'm sorry: our quest to objectify men using cakes has failed. But on the bright side, we'll always have Tom Selleck - right?

*****

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