This Is Why You Always Knock
December 20, 2011 Remember that time when you were six and you accidentally opened the bathroom door without knocking first and then you saw your grandmother naked and there was lots of screaming and then you whimpered yourself to sleep for the next few weeks?
This is kind of like that.
;)
Now I know what you're thinking: "That looks a little like 'Merry Ghristmas.'"
You're right, and we've trained you well.
However.
There are a few other things worth noting:
Like the empty bottle of XXX booze.
Or the little sack of "toys."
Or Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.
Or Rudolph splayed drunkenly across the bed with a towel covering his twigs and berries. His bells and clapper. His partridge in a pear tree? His one horse open sleigh. His...ok, you get the idea.
Or - in case you missed it - Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.
Or the fact that Rudolph CLEARLY had a cigarette in his mouth that has since been removed.
Now, originally John and I tried to write some dialogue for this scene, but then the word "coitus" came up and I knew we just couldn't do it, so to speak. So I leave it to you, my sweet, snarky wrecktators: Write us your best caption for this scene and we'll send our top three favorites a signed copy of Wreck The Halls for Christmas. Good luck, and do try to keep it "clean." ;)
Thanks to Lisa D., who will never be able to look my grandmother Santa in the eye again.
Update! After reading through more than 500 comments, I am now thoroughly uncomfortable. And I think I need a shower. Here are the winners:
"And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him."
-elliespen
"Santa's 2012 presidential hopes dashed as secret 'reindeer games' are uncovered. 'It was all consensual,' claims Santa."
-Missy
"Um, Santa? I fly everywhere. So I'm thinking this hoof rubbing is more for your enjoyment than mine?"
-Donia
Congrats to our winners and thanks for playing!
Reader Comments (525)
Suddenly, Reindeer Games took on a whole new meaning.
Oh deer...it's not often I confront fawnication on my iGoogle page first thing in the morning. Anyway, my caption (ahem):
The holiday season's a stressful time, so Santa makes sure he and Rudolph get a chance to steal away now and then for some 'reindeer games.'
"We've got to stop meeting like this."
it looks to me like Rudolf has just woken up in surprise. so...
Santa; Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh, don't fight it.
Now, Rudy, I know it's difficult, but you can't go on a bender like this every time they call you names. . .
Oh! That's some good mistletoe!
rudolf found out he was a she?? explains the lightbulb nose.
"Well I don't know if I should put you on my naughty or nice list for next year!"
Sleeping with the boss - the REAL reason Rudolph gets to guide the sleigh (either that, or he wanted to try out some of those 'Reindeer games' he'd heard the others talking about......
"What happens above the Arctic Circle, stays above the Arctic Circle." OR "Reindeer are super-good all year, because Santa always stuffs their stockings so well!" OR "Poor Rudolph saw the wreckerator's odd holiday greeting and instantly swooned, forcing the Jolly Old Elf to nurse him back to health before the big day." OR "Dude. I so do not get these obscure Eastern European Holidays. Ghristmas? Really?" OR "Since no one I know actually saw Reindeer Games, I can only guess that this is an accurate plot summation. Mr Affleck, for shame."
Ruu-dolph. You don't have to put on the red light.
"Up on the housetop Reindeer paws...out POPS good ole Santa Claus"
This year, Santa resolved to take a more hands-on approach with those in his employ.
However, after a pre-flight preparation with one of his deer, Santa really wished he could forget what made Rudolph's nose so bright.
Santa finally understood why Rudolph was the most famous reindeer of all.
(with profiund apologies to the late songwriter Benjamin Hanby)
Down goes the roofie
Glug, glug, glug
Up thru the chimney with
'Good Saint' Nick
well.. i suppose a reindeer hoof is better than a camel toe.....
At afirst glance I thought the cake looked adorable with Santa doing first aid to an injured Rudolph who seems to have a sprained ankle.
but then again ... (after staring for a few more seconds) --- what the &@%# ?! --*blink-blink*
nope, I'm sticking with my first thoughts:
"poor, poor reindeer, now let Santa take a look at your foot and all will be well,
for tomorrow is Christmas and we'll be ringing all the church's bells!"
Ultimately, it would be Mrs. Claus who would hire a PR expert to "spin" the story of Rude Dolph the Reindeer, though she did keep the photos herself in case Mr. Claus felt he could try to dodge an alimony payment.
Looks likes there will be no "click click click" on the old rooftops, tonight.
Now Rudolph, if you get drunk and dance in the toy workshop, of course your going to get a nail in your hoof.
Kept it clean.
Santa's version of the "casting couch."
It was then Santa decided that perhaps the best way to help Rudolph was to ask him to guide his sleigh...These reindeer games seemed wrong somehow...
The real reason Santa let Rudolph guide the sleigh......and the real reason Rudolph became a lush...
Lol on the "coitius" I love Big Bang Theory.
Wow...I never knew Santa was such an.....animal lover.
Santa and Rudolph have their annual de-briefing once the job is done.
"If Mommy kissing Santa Claus wasn't disturbing enough...."
Yanno, Nick, I don't even care that Christmas came early this year.
Rudolph's newest contract involved some things that Santa really didn't want to agree to.
Santa, putting the "X" back in Xmas, one reindeer at a time!
starberry, that is definately my favourite caption. I'm laughing so hard I'm crying
Now everybody knows why Rudolph was always Santa's favorite reindeer...
"I'm sorry, Santa - I guess I misunderstood what you meant by: "On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer..."
Santa lost 4 of the 8 reindeer in the divorce. Mrs. Clause never believed his story that he was simply resetting a dislocated hoof and the booze was just an anesthetic.
Rudophs nose in the afterglow.
Um, Santa? I fly everywhere. So I'm thinking this hoof rubbing is more for your enjoyment than mine?
Santa: "So let me get this straight, Rudolph: that hussy took you to bed, plied you with ale and love, and now I get to deal with HER at the head of my sleigh for my Christmas Eve flight? I hope it was worth it."
Rudolph: "Oh, yeah."
Brokeback sledcake
Come on, Rudy you drunk!! Get your hooves on it time to go to work!!
Oooh, Santa, my favorite tiquila AND a massage? Throw in some reindeer love and shouts of glee and I will guide your sleigh tonight!
That's right... keep rubbing that hoof or Mrs. Clause is gonna see that little video we made. And we wouldn't want that now, would we?
Due to Amazon.com gaining a larger and larger share of the Christmas market, Santa has decided to fight back by expanding his offerings to include not only toys, but pedicures, alcohol and the occasional "private service" (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, you know what I mean?).
Earlier on that foggy Christmas Eve, Rudolph was overheard saying "Forget the shouts of glee and making history. I demand some pampering before I'll go out in that storm!"
How sad is it that I totally thought Rudolph was a woman? Yeah, I figured that's what you'd say (sigh)
"A little harder on the sole....oh YEAH! THIS will teach you to bet against me in the Reindeer Games!"
Naughty or nice? You better believe... Santa KNOWS naughty!
Really, Its OK. That happens to all the raindeer!
Now that's what I call ghristmas fore (hoof) play
I don't get paid enough for this job. Wait, I don't get paid at all Rudolph get up and drink the hangover cure. I expect you in line in ten minutes! (mumbling to himself) Doggone reindeer and their all nighters!
Jayzuz Rudolph- I've told you before you can't do this kind of stuff just before the big night.
Now sober up and i'll put you at the back to start...
Putting the "XXX" back in Xmas . . .