Santa Auditions
December 21, 2011 "Thank you all for coming to the Punxsutawney Mall Santa Auditions! We're here to find a special Santa 'stand-in' [winkwink] to take pictures with the kids this weekend. So, let's bring you in one by one, and have you give us your very best Santa greeting! Ok? Ok!
"First contestant, you're up!"
;)
"ARR! Marrrrry Christmas, ye landlubbers!"
"Um...sorry, but I think we're looking for someone just a little more traditional. Next, please!"
;)
"Bark! Bark bark bark bark!!"
"I'm confused. Are you a dog or a seal?"
"Not really sure, love, but look! I can throw things in the air!"
"Next!"
;)
"Merry frickin' Christmas."
"Oh, my, is that really a proper Santa attitude?"
"Lady, quit screaming. Santa's head is KILLING him."
"NEXT!!"
;)
"How much for the women?"
"NEXT!!"
;)
[growling]
"Ohhh kaaaay. I'm going to back away slowly now.
"Well, that's everyone, so I guess we'll just have to go with Mrs. Claus again this year. That ok with you, Mrs. Claus?
;)
"Mrs. Claus?"
[ .... ]
"Look, I know you're great with the kids, but maybe you could consider, you know, talking once in a while."
[ .... ]
"Or blinking."
Thanks to Nick K., Michelle C., Laura C., Kim P., Sarah M., & Katie C. for the Silent Fright.
Reader Comments (49)
Who...thinks cakes like these are ok???? O_o
Wow...I'm pretty sure the growling Santa is Achmed the Dead Terrorist...
Is Raggedy Santa the new character in the Raggedy Ann series? #2 has the right legs.
That first one kind of looks like a pokeball! http://mascot.crystalxp.net/png/kawax-pokeball-3097.png I'm kind of sad that I knew that...
At first I thought #1 was a pokeball... then I thought it was a pirate... and then I remembered this was supposed to be about Santas. So now I'm actually impressed that ONE cake could somehow confuse me for all three. So bravo, mastercake of disguise. Bra.vo.
Ho no!
I have to assume the growler is suppose to be the Grinch? Pre-cardiomegaly.
Sadly, each of these bakers did NOT receive the shiny red bicycle they asked Santa for when they were 8 years old. They manage to hide their seething resentment of Mr.Claus most of the year, but it comes out during the holiday baking season.
Mrs. Claus' glassy-eyed stare and valium-induced half-smile reminds me of those poor political wives who have to stand supportively next to their husbands at the press conference called to explain that husband's recent sex-related political scandal. (I guess someone must have leaked pictures of yesterday's little tableau and the North Pole is in damage control...)
Yum! All those cupcake cakes are made just for SHARING! I'll have one of Pirate Santa and one of growling Santa, please!
At first glance I read "Moody Christmas" under the growling Santa cake. It would have been more appropriate than merry at least! lol
Am I the only person who actually kind of likes the grouchy/hungover Santa? I think he's cute! Haha.
Growling Santa reminds me of Futurama!
I thought the first one was supposed to be a pokeball. It took me forever to see a face in that mess.
Somehow, #3 is my favorite.
#3 has to be Clint Eastwood as Santa, right?!
#3 reminds me of Red Foreman as Santa. "Yeah, kid, I wanted a bike at your age, too. But then I grew up and all my dreams were shattered. As yours will be."
#2 also looks to be gearing up to do the can-can.
Mrs. Santa has been that way ever since she saw the photos of Santa with Rudolf
I do have to say, I am really enjoying The Blues Brothers references. :)
Mrs. Claus is clearly facing down a weeping angel.
Punxsutawney! Now I want to watch "Groundhog Day" again. :)
Also, yep, #3 is my favorite, too!
First one does look like a santa pokeball pirate.
SANTA PIRATE I CHOOSE YOU! (throws pokeball.)
I thought the first one was a Pokeball too!
Is it just me, or does Santa Number Four rather resemble Ahmed, the Dead Terrorist?
"SHUT UP, INFIDEL CHILD!!! I <B>KEEL</B> YOU!!!!"
Yes, BADKarma... that's definitely Achmed The Dead Terrorist dressed up as the Claus.
I KEEL YOU!!!
Bwahahahaha
Agree with Stacie...the growler has to be Achmed.
OK - i know what's missing, here............. SPRINKLES!!!!
I think #2 is actually Pedobear.
#5 is not Santa, it's Krampus the Christmas Demon.
OK--the Blues Brothers reference?!? Now I KNOW you are a child of mine--I had a feeling there was another kid in the far corner of the rec room with us...
I was going to say that Santa #1 looked like a pokeball, but I realized that several others beat me to it.
So...
Santa #1 looks like a Voltorb
Am I the only one that noticed #1 is marked as CHOCOLATE cupcakes when they are clearly not?
That first one really does look like a Pokeball..
Most of the others just look maniacal.
Staci, BADKarma, ChocoMare, Kathi---
Yes, AhCHGHmed singing "Jingle Bombs, Jinble Bombs..."
Mrs. Claus has listened to the Doctor and knows what happens when you blink - the Angels will get you. So don't blink. If you blink, they can move.
Ahh scary Santa cakes before Christmas. Next thing you know wreckerators will haunt me with Santa clown cakes. Evil Santa clown cakes that growl at you lol. Back to hiding under the bed for me again if that happens.
Did anyone notice that the pirate/Santa cake had a sell-by date of 10/24/11? I hope someone didn't buy that special cake and has saved it for their Christmas feast.
EXCELLENT captioning!!
But Number Four,
there's all these hidden costs, like
truffles, hairspray, bling . . .
For #5 I also read it as “Moody Xmas” which really, really fits.
Are we SURE #1 is a pirate? That looks like a fez to me.
I love your american cakes with fondant, frosting and all things nice (like mohawk-baby-carrot-riders). Here in Sweden cake is just cake with a little cream om top and maybe a birthday candle. Not much to wreck. Almost makes me wish I lived in the US. Merry Christmas to all.
Personally I don't care what they look like as long as they taste good because they're all going to look like crap when I'm through with them.
Agree that #5 is Acchhmed the Dead Terrorist in his Jingle Bombs getup, but shouldn't the writing read "Silence! I keel you!"
Hahaha Blues Brothers reference!! NIce one!
#1 made perfect sense to me. I, um, have a bit of a pirate obsession and one year blurted out "Yo ho ho! Merry Christmas!" It's now become a running joke between me and my husband. We get a lot of strange looks at Christmas time.
No, the growling Santa is the Bad Santa Robot from "Futurama"!
Whew! at least I wasn't thinking I saw achmed the dead terrorist as on of the Santa's. My first thought when I saw it!
That first one is supposed to be a pirate. The red is a watch cap, and then there's an eye patch and a gold earring. Yo ho ho and a bottle of .... EGG NOG!
Punxsutawney! My hometown!