This Is Why You Always Knock
December 20, 2011 Remember that time when you were six and you accidentally opened the bathroom door without knocking first and then you saw your grandmother naked and there was lots of screaming and then you whimpered yourself to sleep for the next few weeks?
This is kind of like that.
;)
Now I know what you're thinking: "That looks a little like 'Merry Ghristmas.'"
You're right, and we've trained you well.
However.
There are a few other things worth noting:
Like the empty bottle of XXX booze.
Or the little sack of "toys."
Or Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.
Or Rudolph splayed drunkenly across the bed with a towel covering his twigs and berries. His bells and clapper. His partridge in a pear tree? His one horse open sleigh. His...ok, you get the idea.
Or - in case you missed it - Santa rubbing Rudolph's hoof.
Or the fact that Rudolph CLEARLY had a cigarette in his mouth that has since been removed.
Now, originally John and I tried to write some dialogue for this scene, but then the word "coitus" came up and I knew we just couldn't do it, so to speak. So I leave it to you, my sweet, snarky wrecktators: Write us your best caption for this scene and we'll send our top three favorites a signed copy of Wreck The Halls for Christmas. Good luck, and do try to keep it "clean." ;)
Thanks to Lisa D., who will never be able to look my grandmother Santa in the eye again.
Update! After reading through more than 500 comments, I am now thoroughly uncomfortable. And I think I need a shower. Here are the winners:
"And that was when Santa realized that he should probably stop taking his work home with him."
-elliespen
"Santa's 2012 presidential hopes dashed as secret 'reindeer games' are uncovered. 'It was all consensual,' claims Santa."
-Missy
"Um, Santa? I fly everywhere. So I'm thinking this hoof rubbing is more for your enjoyment than mine?"
-Donia
Congrats to our winners and thanks for playing!
Reader Comments (525)
Somehow Santa had always been able to resist in the past, but tonight was different...
Who's on the naughty list now??
Rudolph's feet hurt and he's exhausted from the night of flight...yeah it looks bad, but it's not what y'all are thinking...dirty minds!! lol
"I'm just a reindeer, standing in front of a beloved fictional character, asking him to love her."
"Hey, Rudolph -- is it true what they say about reindeer with big antlers?"
Guess Santa's sack was extra heavy this year...
"Lay back and let Daddy drive"
Rudolph would soon regret being chosen by Santa to be the lead reindeer.
Thank goodness Santa only comes once a year!
"You see, little fellow, every year I shine up my jingle bells for one lucky reindeer."
Rudolph learned ALL KIND of important things on the Island of Misfit Toys.
Rudolph: "Mmm that's nice."
Santa: "But you've been naughty!"
*hic* This is so not what I thought you meant by *hic* "sack".
Twas the night before the night before Christmas, and at Santa's house,.
Santa and Rudolph got very soused.
That led to some moments that they both regret
But they're rendered in cake so they never forget.
Santa's s secret to the most tender venison roast you'd ever eaten on Christmas Day.
"Say, where's Rudolph?' He dislocated his hip in a twist (of lime) contest and he's all stove up in the hospital"
My tribute to Ray Stevens.... hehe
Rudolph to Santa: Well you did say we were having a night on the tiles!
Rudolph the red, ummm, "nosed" reindeer
Had a very "shiny", ummm, "nose"
And if you ever saw it ....
Rudolph might need a Christmas-morning-after pill. Boom goes the dynamite.
...Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to say:
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my slay tonight?"
Rudolph said "Sure will Santa, but we've gotta make a deal...
I'll pull your little sleigh here, you can pour me a beer!"
now we know why rudolph gets to guide the sleigh.
With the economy in such a bad way Santa had to take up other ways to make money in the off-season...
Rudolph thought Santa was making a health breakfast when he offered the "Special K"
I should have guessed from the beard, Santa is really a Bear.......
Happy Hole Days, indeed.
All that comes to mind when I see this cake is the song "Santa Baby". Esp the part...
Rudolph: The neighbors might think - Santa: Baby, it's bad out there
Rudolph: Say, what's in this drink - Santa: No cabs to be had out there
Rudolph: I wish I knew how - Santa: Your eyes are like starlight now
Rudolph: To break this spell - Santa: I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
Rudolph: I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Santa: Mind if I move a little closer
Rudolph: At least I'm gonna say that I tried - Santa: What's the sense in hurting my pride
Rudolph: I really can't stay - Santa: Baby don't hold out
Both: Ahh, but it's cold outside
And I will NEVER listen to that song the same again!
"I'm not sayin' Comet was right to throw Santa off that roof, but you're sayin' a hoof massage don't mean nothin', and I'm sayin' it does. I've given a million reindeer a million hoof massages and they all meant somethin'."
Rudolph went for a ride on Santa's North Pole!
What happens at the North Pole, stays at the North Pole!
Rudolph: Hand me that pitcher.
Santa: As you wish.
Rudolph: Light my cigarette.
Santa: As you wish.
Rudolph: Rubs mah feetsh.
Santa: As you wish.
Rudolph: Oopsh, droppshed mah cigharet (giggle) pick ish up an pu'it back in mah mouf.
Santa: Why do we always have fog on Christmas Day?
Rudolph: Wadsh you shay?
Santa: As you wish.
I can't think of a caption, but Santa has six fingers on his right hand.
♪♫Rudolph got run over by a Grandma♪♫
"Hold still Rudy. Santa gonna make it ALL better...."
When Rudolph said he'd do anything if Santa would just rub his hooves, he didn't realize what all that entailed.
Little do people know how hard it is to make it glow.
He knows Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen,
Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen,
but he knows Rudolph... carnally.
(I'm sorry, the internet!)
Mistaken for Olive, the other reindeer at the office party, Rudolph makes the most of it and lets Claus indulge in his annual "Reindeer Games."
the effects of rum soaked fruitcake..
"It's not what you think!"
Santa's work never ends.
Vixen was 8cm dilated. It looked like it wasn't just toys Santa would be delivering tonight
I hope this isn't too dirty....
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you get me laid tonight?"
"Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" DVD extra: "The Real Story Behind Rudolph's Red Nose" Rated PG-13 for content not suitable for young children.
The reindeer games your mama never told you about.
How Ruldolph REALLY got to pull the sleigh.
Didn't know Santa had a hoof fetish
.
Santa takes advantage of knowing who is on the naughty list...
That was when Santa knew Rudolph needed rehab. Or a girlfriend.
The other reindeer never let poor Rudolph join in all the reindeer games- now we finally know why. It was too awkward with his Santa fetish.
The gas station bill can get pricey for Santa on Christmas, so he thanked Rudolph this year for footing the bill.
:)
I guess we know where Santa hung his stockings this year....
Santa and Rudolph relax after another long night of making Christmas joyful.
I wish I knew how to quit you.
"you better watch out...you better not cry" just took on a whole new meaning!
Santa: Now Rudolph, I'd like to officially welcome you to the North Pole.