Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
That it could double as a "sweet" hiding place for Jerry in a Tom & Jerry cartoon! Look at the perfect little mouse hole there at the bottom! And imagine Tom's face smushed and covered in chocolatey goodness as he rams into the cake just half a second too late! Cartoon nostalgia is awesome.
Just look at that ginormous marble cutting board! I have one of those, and it's AWESOME!
That is By far the most awesomely artful pile of poo I have ever seen!!!Awesome!!
Michelle Bowers
I just love the little mouse hole on the bottom!! You cut through the big pile of poo, and find MICE!!! FTW!
Deb from Reading, PA
The chocolate looks just right to run your finger through and get a good lick of. Oh, and I like the marble slab they're displaying it on.
Anything made with much chocolate must be "awesome" RIGHT???? RIGHT???
At least it's a cake. And Cakes are awesome! It IS a cake, right???
Holly K!
Obviously, they lost the card..."Happy Colonoscopy"...
Christian....
That brown cake is...
A couple having sex on a bed, and the decorator tastefully covered them up with a chocolate blanket.
That, or it is a volcano with lava running all over it and a mysterious cave entry in front.
My first idea was that this cake is celebrating the 50th anniversary of some sewage treatment plant, but... oh well.
To be honest, it looks like someone made a chocolate cake, threw a few bananas on top, then smothered everything with leftover chocolate icing ("melting" instead of "icing" would probably a more appropriate word). But even that doesn't explain some of the odd shapes in there.
It's REALLY shiny!! How DO you get it that shiny? Ingesting castor oil?!
Laura Fox : )
Are you kidding? That cake is awesome! Do you know how hard it is to put shine on crap? Whole studies of thought have been dedicated to the impossibility of making that much crap shine.
This cake should be written up in the anals of time...uh, I mean 'annals'. ;)
-T R Wade
At least we know that the dog that left the pile is regular and not straining at all when he is cutting the cheese! (Niki Thornton)
The marble slab that "it's" resting on is georgeous! Dark veins of color running through the white, marvelous.....unless that thing is leaking into the marble....oh crap...I mean...oh darn.
looks like a lot of blood sweat and tears went into that cake.
Cake is a lie!!! Please, let THIS particular cake be a lie ;) But on a positive note, there seems to be a less wrecky cake in the corner (less because we can't see it very well!!) -Alisa, the one in Taiwan
What an AWESOME celebretory cake for when Gran passes her colonoscopy!
writtenwyrdd aka D Lynn Frazier
That a girl!! Daddy's very proud of you!
This cake is awesome because someone FINALLY figured out how to polish a turd!
Rachel "a heart for art"
That wreck is so SHINY! Shiny things are AWESOME!
Hey, look, a new home for my hermit crab! The hole at the bottom is the perfect size for him to poke his cute little crustacean head out. And not having to buy a bigger shell for him is awesome!
(Although I'm a bit worried that my chocolate-wrapped-crab might make him an even more attractive delicacy to the local octopi. Or my husband.)
~Jenn D. from Virginia
The last one...looks awesomely chocolate-y. And, best of all, the mouse hole at the bottom? It looks for sure like the mouse it gone. YAY!
That would be the perfect birthday cake for Jeremy from Secret of Nihm... Ashley Cutler
Chocolate = awesome. 'Nuff said.
Chocolate is awesome! Michele Johnson
Because it's not a cake, it's a GIGANTIC PECAN TURTLE! And it has to be on the cool marble slab to keep the yummy chocolately caramelly pecan goodness from escaping!
AWESOME!
Faith Love (no, really)
It is so glossy! Glossy is pretty. And even though it looks excremental, it is chocolate. BONUS! -Tina B in Nashville
Well, my son has a book called "Everyone Poops." So why not celebrate it? Cuz afterall, everyone does poop, and that is, in a way, awesome. -Terra from Dallas
That marble cutting board is AWESOME!
Leah - favorite number 14!
ooooooh...Shiny!
I think it's a wonderful cake, they really followed their reference well and made it look like...something we all know! It's just a bit unfortunate that their reference seems like it was another cake... That someone ate already. And recycled. :|
It's the little blob that could. It's been trying to take over the world, but the traffic cone down the street was the best it has achieved so far. Shhhh! Don't hurt its feelings! - Caitlinvb
It's got a little hole in the bottom for the poo mouse that lives inside it to come out of.
It's nice and... shiny? And... I don't know.. consistant?
I think Morning Glow is not a common name, so yeah, that's who I am. Morning Glow.
Insert evil laughter?
You can never have too much chocolate. Chocolate is good.
Although after eating all that chocolate you might make that cake reappear in that same shape somewhere, ummmm, else in your house.
Oh wait, that was going back to the bad.
Chocolate is always good!!
- dangrdafne
ActiviAAAAAAHHHH!
The last one looks like a perfectly reasonable representation of a hut made from mud. It is celebrating ancient cultures. It has a little door even...
-Cassandra Feely
The chocolate covering on this cake is so shiny! Shiny, like an apple. And eating apples makes your digestive tract feel AWESOME!
Well, I'm a geologist. And it looks like a slow-flow volcano. And I'm thinking it could give Hawai'i a run for its money. Heck, why am I even considering going to Hawai'i for a look at Mauna Loa? I mean, I can EAT the real thing!
Twin boy #1: Mom! I found the perfect cake for our birthday!
Me: Oh, gahh!!..what is it?
Twin boy #2: Puhleeze Mommy? Just think what big sister's gonna think? *wink-wink-nudge at brother*
Me: Not sure if we can invite people over to have some of...that...er...poo...cake.....!
Twins(innocently and in chorus): You think it looks like poo? Mom just said POO in public! Heh heh hee!
The ad for this cake should read: The Poo Cake, perfect for all male adolescent gatherings! (Corn Nut garnish extra)
Margaret O'Connor (mother of twin boys and twin girls)
Paris, Texas
K,
1)I can't believe you're going to read through 2000 + of these posts, I'd pee my pants.
2) I'm so truly unfunny, I sent your webpage to my BFF (who's painfully funny) and hopefully she'll come up with something funny.
3)We've posted your like on our wedding website. Hope that's OK, 'cause you're AWESOME
shan-and-ken.com
I think the last cake started out as a luminously greased bodybuilder who overheated himself with all that flexing and posing and melted into a heap--see his head and his gigantic arms crossed in front of it?
Poor guy--he must have felt like crap...
i was sitting there bored to bits
didnt know what to do about it
went to cakewrecks.com
to get my wrecking on
and behold! a caketacular sh*t!
Sooooo shiny!
It comes complete with its own hole!
Alexis C.
This looks exactly like what happens when a chocolate Easter bunny makes friends with a blowtorch! Everyone loves Easter bunnies, and blowtorches are awesome, right?
Wait, Mr. Bunny, don't hug the blowtorch... oh no, Mr. Bunny!
It's made of chocolate. Well, that's all I got. Wait.... is it made of chocolate? How about, IF it's made of chocolate then that's awesome! Well, not edible, but awesome chocolate... Really, I got nothin'!
My sweet, adorable bunny passed away on Sunday, I got a bad cold on Wednesday, and then today I read your blog....and laughed!
At least that last cake is shiny and I could use some more shiny.
*cough* *snif* *gag*
OK so now I'm bummed....I wrote what I thought was an exceedingly clever comment yesterday but even after looking through all the other exceedingly clever comments I couldn't find mine.... :(
So I'll try again....
It reminds me of Devils Tower from Close Encounters of the Third Kind (not the turd kind, mentioned in a previous post) which means the "decorator" was probably trying to contact cute little aliens and that would be totally awesome, right????
Diane E in Monterey
Wow! Well this cake is awesome because ... ah.... it's so shiny and moist looking (which means that it probably wasn't a "strain" to make it or spread it. Why it just sort of flowed down and over the sides and then pooled around the bottom. I don't even know if the pooling stopped of it's own or had to be wiped.)
Anyway, shiny and moist is so good, especially in lip gloss ... and frogs!
if you can get past the gag reflect, cake decorating can be opened up to all kinds of possibilities.