Five Awesome Things
April 15, 2010 [UPDATE: We have our winners! Grammy of Grammy's Garden and ZekesMom10 of Insane in the Mombrain, please e-mail me with your addresses. Thanks!]
Every now and then, we get comments from readers that go something like this:
Yeeeeah.Well today, in honor of our friend Neil over at 1000 Awesome Things and the rest of you positive Pollyannas, we picked out a few Wrecks from our arsenal - and we're going to find something awesome to say about each and every one of them. Even if it kills us. Which, let's be honest, is entirely possible.
Ready?
*pulling up happy pants*
Here we GOOOO!
Hey, it looks just like corn! And corn's a great source of fiber! Cleans you right out! And clean colons are awesome!
Look how artfully arranged the tablecloth is! The folds are so even! So regular! Being regular is also awesome.
Uh...Noisemakers!
I love noisemakers.
Not that you'd want to put these in your mouth, of course, considering where they've been...but, uh...yeah. Noisemakers are awesome.
Gee, that looks like a really sharp knife! It probably cut right through that hideous scarecrow thing, no sweat! In fact, I bet whoever cuts cheese with that knife doesn't have to strain at all.Not straining while cutting the cheese? You guessed it: AWESOME.
Alright, now we're on the home stretch! [rubbing hands together] Bring on the final contender!
Oh, crap.[thinking]
[thinking]
[despairing]
Ok, I think I got it:
You tell me.
I've already read it, and believe me, it lives up to its name. And speaking of names, mine's on the back cover. So that's worth the purchase price right there. (Did I mention it's also half off on Amazon right now? Yeah. That helps.)Now go forth, and comment! Whoever makes me laugh the hardest wins the glory, while two randomly selected commenters will actually win a personalized and signed copy of The Book of Awesome. I'll even have Neil do the personalizing and signing. [waggling eyebrows]
Oh, and Neil is willing to ship anywhere in the world. So Estonia, I'm looking at you.
Chloe, Tosha B., Anony M., Molly C., Jeff H., & Rachel V., go make me proud.
- Related Wreckage: The #2 Way to Ruin a Cake
[John's rule type stuff]
When you comment, be sure to put your name. If your name is something boring like John, be sure to follow it up with something creative like (the hubby of Jen). Or, ya know, your last name. And remember, we're picking two winners at random so if you happen to be painfully unfunny like me, you can still win. Winners will be announced at 2pm (Eastern) on Friday. Finally, if you don't win, you should still buy the book. We could all stand to focus a little more on the awesome in life. Good luck and Wreck On!
UPDATE: We have our winners! (See the top of this post.) Thanks, everyone; your comments have been the best free entertainment I've had all week. ;)
Reader Comments (2218)
Shiny! ("Firefly" fan here). That last cake is really shiny with all that smooth icing.
It's like one of those awesome "lucky golden poo" keychains! ....just not golden.
I forgot to mention that I loved the way Jen worked all the alimentary canal jokes into her post--how awesome.
Not being constipated is awesome, and being able to take the evidence of your not-constipatedness and display it on a marble platter for all the world to see and shudder at, is awesome. To defecate is to be human. To defecate on a plate is to be awesome.
Has your mom turned to you and asked you what a "hot mess" is, yet? Save this image. A one-photo definition of modern slang for old people is awesome.
That cake really isn't so crappy... If you really think about it, it looks kind of like a mountain, with a little cave near the bottom, for an angry bear maybe.... And he's angry because obviously, there was a mudslide, and that's why all the trees have been washed away. Yeah, let's go with that... Oh, and trees are AWESOME!!!
Nathalie from Ontario
Not funny. me that is, the cakes are hilarious!
It's a nice ant hill, for the animal themed party...or just the poop from a horse..either way works for an animal party! -Cari From MN
Did anyone else think of "Great Expectations" when they saw the first cake with the roses?
The awesome thing about the last cake: it looks like Jabba the Hut. While he is actually kind of gross himself, he is still a part of the original Star Wars (best film series of all time). So, the fact that this cake inspires you to dust off your Star Wars Trilogy: AWESOME!
[Hmm...it would appear that my computer ate my comment yesterday while posting. Sorry if this is a repeat!]
That last one appears to be:
1. The latest in stealthy beehives for night-time pollination missions.
2. The long-lost inspiration for Haysi Fantayzee's "Shiny Shiny".
3. The fashion-forward hat worn by my neighbor with the foil pants in order to tune out the mind control waves. (This version is for Fall, of course. Pastel is all the rage for Spring!)
Thanks for lettin' us play!
The raspberry crème-caramel with the mint leaf looks delicious!
That cake is awesome because it makes any other cake ever made look better.
Look at the shine! The gloss! That is absolutely awesome!
That cake is awesome because it makes any other cake ever made look better.
Would you just LOOK at that gorgeous marble slab! Marble is classy very classy am I right? And would you just look at how shiny that cake is! What did they do.. wax it! Very nice touch! I know that I'm ready to dig in!
I can't believe you got 2075 comments on a pile of sh!t.
I was eating a sandwich while looking at this post, and the second cake -- the one with that ill-conceived "waterfall" -- actually made me pause mid-bite, and I had to scroll away before I could continue eating.
Poo cake: the secret ingredient...is grease! This is an inside-jokish sort of catch phrase in my family (you, uh, probably don't want to know why)...and my family is awesome.
---Steph, wreckporting from the mythical, magical Nicaland (a.k.a. Nicaragua, but my friends agree it's hard to believe in Nicaragua if you've never been there)
It's CHOCOLATE cake covered in lots of gooey CHOCOLATE! And you need some comfort food like CHOCOLATE to get over the trauma of looking at all of these godawful cakes! Chocolate = AWESOME!!
(by Margaret of the Grandmotherly Name)
By the time I read through all the disclaimer rule stuff..there was already 2075 comments...and just 2 will be randomly drawn? I think that last picture will be what I do if my name is actually picked!
Oh, wow, that last one makes me want an Almond Joy! I feel now that it is my *doody* to go find, pay for, and eat an Almond Joy. I have been looking for an excuse all day. Thank you!! --
It's obviously a cake for PETA to celebrate the amazing production capacities of animals and how they should be free to roam the earth and we should all get out of the way and celebrate their awesomenesswith vegetarian turkish delight. O course it coud also serve as a reminder to PETA that after they free all the animals they will need to watch their step to keep their leather free shoes clean...but I'm sure it's meant more as a celebration.
OH it's NOT what it meant. It's actually Drew Carey's new approach to encouraging people to having their pets spayed and neutered. he tried just saying that one line at the end of price is right...but it doesn't seem to have much of an affect. So he's gone all terrorist on us and is threatening people with the natural result of not having their pet spayed or neutered....takikng care of pets is awesome
Oh dear. this is harder than it looks.
Apparently, no one's noticed the the marble beneath the cake is blushing...bearing the shame of being forced to be the pedestal upon which the obscenely rotund, brown ponderer, with legs and arms crossed, hides his thoughts of what aroma escapes from the sewer grate below him. The cake board is so embarrassed it tried desperately to cover itself so the other cake boards wouldn't mock him.
Wow - that's a shiny pile of... cake. It's so... so... lifelike... and, um... BIG!
Wellll...It looks similar to what my dog makes after eating something dead in our yard (usually a squirrel trying to conquer the whole "electricity" thing), and my dog cleaning up a dead animal that I don't want to touch, that's AWESOME! (until he throws it back up of couse)
-Alyssa M, Dallas
At least it isn't steaming... Anymore.
Damian T.
Wow! Look how artfully designed that pile of... that mound of... um yeah look how artfully designed that is. Wow!
It's awesome that someone had the guts to put it on display. Now that's chutzpah, and awesome.
Amy B. from NY
There are actually two wonderful things about the last cake:
1. This is an absolutely fabulous statement on elephant conservation! The cake is a powerful representation of the fertile evidence elephants leave throughout their environment, and serves to remind us all of the importance of elephants in our ecosystem.
2. The baker very thoughtfully left a small portion of the cake uncovered, to show it is actually chocolate cake under there, and not, uh, see #1 above.
Marvelous!
I'm 'behind' you on this giveaway, and hope someone can get to the 'bottom' of this, um, creation.
The marble slab, aside from the icing smudge on the front, is lovely, the hard, rectangle shape and sharp corners an eye-pleasing counterpoint to the, um, circular and softened edges of the baker's No. 2 selection.
Jeanne, wife of John (just to circumvent any confusion)
Come on! That cake is totally awsome! Its just a bee hive that a bear had a runny accident on! you can see the little door that they enter by... and they are just too scared to come out now becuase of the smell... otherwise you'd see the little bees and we'd have known right away it was just a beehive with smelly runny..stuff on it.
and by the by.. I love your blog Jen, its full of awsome! and its completely awsome when one of your cakes reminds me of something I saw at work! Awsome way to be starting my days :D
Suzzanne..aka Zanne
You know the old axiom, "You can't polish a turd"? Apparently, you CAN polish a turd cake.
My husband is getting into the business of selling manure separators, and the end product is called a cake. Which just might look about as appetizing as that last cake, especially if you dumped a gallon of shiny icing all over it.
It's shiny. Shiny is awesome.
Erin O'Leary
I think this is obvious. It's the post-eruption Icelandic volcano, ! Eyjafjallajokull! How many ways can you spell that, Wreckies!
Oooh, look! A shiny cake!
Better out than in.
Jenny Noa
That last one sooo...shiny. That's it! And shiny is AWESOME!!
"It's shiny.... that's gotta be good."
See the commercial I'm referring to here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx0Uf46gDdU (Antiques Roadshow)
-MaryAnne L.
"It's shiny.... that's gotta be good."
See the commercial I'm referring to here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx0Uf46gDdU (Antiques Roadshow)
-MaryAnne L.
It looks like someone ate the above cake, (the one with the noisemakers in the poo balls), and then that is the result of that! YUCK-O! Really, I am amazed that anyone would set that out and think "Yes! That is a great looking cake!" What?! Like you said, being regular is AWESOME!
It's got a little hole - like a mouse hole! Like the mouse in If You Give a Mouse a Cookie! Laura Joffe Numeroff's books are AWESOME!! :^) --Kate McNeece
Dynamically and asymmetrically off center, the aesthetic quality of the photograph is perfectly in tune with the aesthetic quality of the cake! Just look how the talented cakemaker/photographer crafted the composition point and counterpoint: dynamic, glossy, organic dark brown frosting contrasts with the hard-edged starkness of the mechanically formed marble slab and regularized horizontal lines of the background vent.
Captured in this poetic photograph is the manifest destiny of humanity versus machine. Only a true artist could have seen the definitive moment and be brave enough to share it with us. I, too, melt before its grandeur.
I feel truly grateful to have seen such a masterwork.
Ohhhh, you wanted a "sheet" cake! Oh this is akward....
~Jules Rules
IT's chocolate! That's something good...right? I mean, it is chocolate isn't it!?!? Oh nevermind, this is too hard!
It makes me laugh ... and well, laughing is awesome!
Even though it looks like a massive load of crap, it is probably chocolate. And chocolate is awesome. - Jerusha Borden
Once I got past my initial thoughts of a pachyderm's proctology exam I shook my head and began the happy thoughts... slick, shiny...Fudgy!! That's it, this baker was attempting to portray the journey fudge takes from kettle to slab. I call it "Fudge, an abstract rendering."
It's shiny. And it looks warm. Shiny and warm are awesome.
Mmmm, melllty fuuuudge...like...thing...uh, blob...uh, mound...uh, uh...I give up.
What an ingenious way to recycle left over floor tile from the bathroom renovation!