Wedding Missed Marks, Vol #348

I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan of "naked" cakes - ie, the ones with no frosting on the outside.

I mean, first, NO FROSTING, and second, this is literally the best they can possibly look:

Which on the one hand is fine, but on the other, looks like the baker ran out of time, panicked, then pulled an Emperor With No Clothes. "No really, this is the hot new icing trend in wedding cakes! Can't you see it?"

 So if that's the best possible outcome, imagine what chance Stephanie had when she ordered one for her wedding cake.

Or better yet, don't imagine.

LET ME SHOW YOU:

Whomp whump.

Next we have this sparkly purple number Alicia ordered for her wedding:

Bakers, here's a tip: Swarovski crystals are not - I repeat, NOT - interchangeable with those molar-cracking BBs people keep insisting are edible:

Also this looks terrible.

And finally, let's take a look at Roberta's wedding wreck, which was supposed to be this pretty tree bark design:

...but instead, just barked.

Woof.

Thanks to brides Stephanie D., Alicia J., & Roberta H. for branching out today.

*****

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Flows Like The Wrinkly, Tied-Together Bed Sheets Of A Tower Escapee

Bride-to-be Melissa spent a total of 8 hours before her wedding consulting with her baker, literally painting a picture of her dream garden cake with its cascading sugar waterfalls:

Melissa supplied all the miniature accessories: benches, bird baths, etc - so the baker only had to make the garden and waterfall parts on the multi-tiered cake.

On the Big Day Melissa was aghast to discover that:

A) there was no garden - not a stitch of green icing anywhere

B) in fact, the ONLY decorations were the miniatures Melissa herself had provided, with the exception of

C) the waterfall, which looked... like this:

[wincing] Ooh. There's a slight wrinkle.

Melissa would also like me to point out the "pond" on the bottom, which the baker converted into an above-ground pool. An above ground pool with a giant flannel scarf dangling in it. Dangle dangle dangle. Yeah. Like that.

Thanks and sympathies to Melissa, who says this STILL isn't water under the bridge. It's more like dirty laundry under the bridge, which someone brought to her wedding, and then charged her several hundred dollars for.

*****

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