Confessions Of A Master Baker

Welcome to another installment of...

Confessions of a Master Baker!
"Ordinary bakers. Extraordinary feats of bad judgment."

[baker's silhouette speaking in disguised voice]
"I guess I got a bit carried away with the chocolate drizzle -- you know, it's always a bit of a crap shoot..."

"I made my mother-in-law deliver it."

[whispered] Confessions...

"...and then I found myself smashing a disco ball on top of it."

 

[small sob] "I figured the lights would blind anyone who got too close!"

[whispered] Revelations...

"They loved skiing. Nothing says 'skiing' like giant plastic pickles and shredded Parmesan, right?" [hiccups]

"I didn't realize how bad it was 'til the bride threw it at me."

[whispered] Disclosures...

"They said they wanted 'steampunk,' so I googled it. Gears, tentacles, balloons - I was all, 'Hey, I got this.'"

"And, boy, did I get it."

[sound of pages flipping]
Uh... ah!
[whispering] Formal professions of guilt...

"So then I said, 'hey, you know what'd be cute? Camouflage butterflies."

"But the bride just didn't see it."

Next week... on Confessions of a Master Baker:

"So I figured, put the babies ON the carrots..."

[light behind figures fades to black]

Thanks to Jessica W., Michelle B., Melanie J., Stella P., & Natalie S. for the delicious divulgences.

*****

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Underwhelmingly Bad Wedding Cakes

You ever see a cake and have one of those reactions like: "Ooooh, that's not good. I mean, it could be worse, I guess, but still, really not good. What was it for? ... A wedding?! OH THAT POOR BRIDE."

That's today's cakes.

They're all a bit sad...

A bit lumpy-bumpy...

A bit, "Oh. OH. Um, how... nice?"

When your wedding's "cupcake tower" looks like something you made during the slumber party for your 14th birthday:

Or when there's more wire in your wedding cake than the average 14-year-old's braces:

o.0

You know how in movies when the bad guy lets loose with a machine gun on a wall somewhere, leaving lines of bullet holes that the light shines through?

Imagine the gun shoots roses:

BAM.

(Yes, I know otherwise it's fine. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.)

And finally, whatever you do, don't think about stretched skin.

Or parsley.

STOP IT.

Thanks to Carrie B., Deanna H., Jimena, Dawn D., Shannon, Britton E., Helen, & Pat J. for lifting our saggy, saggy spirits.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.