I Composed The Venue, The Menu, The Seating...

Admit it, minions: every time I show you a falling-over, heinously bad wedding wreck, you judge the couple a little. You think they didn't pay enough. You think they tried to get the moon for a plumber's crack budget. I get it.

But what if I told you this is the venue for today's wreck:

Pretty, right? And probably worth a pretty penny?

Note how this looks nothing like Uncle Earl's backyard, or the back room of a dilapidated lodge.
This, my friends, is what we southerners call a classy joint.

And this is the wedding cake they served in that classy joint:

Take a minute. Soak it in.

Join me in trying to decipher the faded poo swirly things on the bottom edge, or that spiky bowl thing on top.

And regarding the pretty silver stand it's on: that's not so much lipstick on a pig as it is glass slippers on a Horta. Which is frickin' hilarious if you're an old school Star Trek fan. (The rest of you, just imagine your pile of dirty laundry... made out of pizza.)

(Or hey, just imagine this cake. They're about equal.)

Thanks to Jennifer S. for the... PAIN!!!

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Hold Your Horses, Brides-To-Be

The day Jen and Nick truly became one:

That moment when you realize your wedding cake looks like a giant stack of toilet paper:

Ouch. Talk about a wipe out.

Or the moment you realize your wedding cake looks like... um... it... blew its top?

But in a SUPER classy way.

(Tell me I'm not the only one seeing this.)

Of course, those are both so beautifully done I can practically feel your eyes twitching from here, minions. So allow me to cleanse your palate, as it were:

Mmm, chewy.

And in keeping with the spoopy season, here's a wedding cake even the cutest bat topper in the world couldn't save:

"I am vengeance. I am the night.
"... I am completely wrecked."

P.S. Speaking of cake toppers, everyone can relax, 'cuz I finally found it.
Here it is, the World's Weirdest Wedding Topper:

Whoa.

Thanks to Charlotte H., Emily S., Gezina, Becky K., Amy M., & Beth R., who sees what I did there.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.