Underwhelmingly Bad Wedding Cakes
May 15, 2017 You ever see a cake and have one of those reactions like: "Ooooh, that's not good. I mean, it could be worse, I guess, but still, really not good. What was it for? ... A wedding?! OH THAT POOR BRIDE."
That's today's cakes.
;)
They're all a bit sad...
;)
A bit lumpy-bumpy...
;)
A bit, "Oh. OH. Um, how... nice?"
;)
When your wedding's "cupcake tower" looks like something you made during the slumber party for your 14th birthday:
;)
Or when there's more wire in your wedding cake than the average 14-year-old's braces:
;)
o.0
You know how in movies when the bad guy lets loose with a machine gun on a wall somewhere, leaving lines of bullet holes that the light shines through?
Imagine the gun shoots roses:
;)
BAM.
(Yes, I know otherwise it's fine. JUST LET ME HAVE THIS.)
And finally, whatever you do, don't think about stretched skin.
Or parsley.
;)
STOP IT.
Thanks to Carrie B., Deanna H., Jimena, Dawn D., Shannon, Britton E., Helen, & Pat J. for lifting our saggy, saggy spirits.
*****
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Reader Comments (41)
Is that cardboard between the layers of the last cake? Like they had two cakes in the fridge and just plopped one on top of the other.
#6 Is there a tiny bit of cake under that? And, in regard to the last one; those of us who are fans of The Great British Baking Show KNOW the baker put the "icing" on when the cake was still hot. That's a no-no.
The first one looks like it's being attacked by sea urchins.
Some of these cakes had such potential. All they needed was a more skilled Baker.
Professional? These cakes look as if they were made by loving hands at home!
Wreck no. 3, translates to: "The World Fell Apart and We Fell In love". What it should have said was "El panadero debe haber caido aparte si ellos piensan que esto es profesional" (The baker must have fallen apart if they think this is professional". Thank you Google Translate. That last wreck? Seriously! They put the fondant or icing on it while the cake was warm, and then thought the cake board in between layers and the parsley addition would go unnoticed. Ummm, yeah, no!
Re: Cake #3
We'll always have Cake Wrecks.
There's a Guns 'n' Roses reference to be made here. "Take me home from the cake wreck city/Where the goods are gross and the skills are s***ty..."
The cupcakes on #5 (the pile of Pepto Bismol pink). "Trust" shows up 6 times, "I Do" 5 times and "Love" only twice. What are the chances for a long term marriage here?
Is it very wrong of me to like the pink cupcake tower? I mean, everything is spelled right and spaced correctly. Cupcake "cakes" are usually horrible sludgy messes. This is clearly home-made, but quite tidy. Maybe it's the comparison to the others.
That second last cake, the roses are actually the nicest things about it.
New cake decorating trend: Sea urchins.
Oh, those are painful to contemplate showing up as the centerpiece of a wedding celebration. The last one - not trimming the cardboard cake round makes me wince. Ouch!
Was the last cake supposed to be one of those mirror cakes, you know, the ones that look like polished marble? Cuz... fail. As an aside, I am skeptical that the mirror icing is going to be very tasty, but it sure is gorgeous. The parsley is mind-numbing and eye twitch inducing.
My neighbor was asked to make the wedding cake for her son's wedding. The reception was in August in an Airplane hangar. My neighbor BEGGED for them to not have such a hot venue, but the bride insisted. My neighbor tried to have the cake not melt...frozen layers, and everything she knew to save it. It couldn't be helped...
I'm almost certain the red ribbon on #2 (heh) is a fruit rollup. You can see a hint of the shininess on the top one window side.
How on Earth do these people have jobs
I was going to say that perhaps several of these cakes could have been saved by using fondant. Then I saw the last one and decided that some things cannot be saved.
#4 reminds me of Sandra Lee's advice on wedding cakes (she of the infamous Kwanzaa cake): (paraphrased): "Just set supermarket cakes on top of each other, frost with canned frosting, and it's just as good as a professional cake!" I remember particularly she asserted her "creation" looked like it had cost $500. Um...no. Just no.
@Renee: I remember that my husband & I had that issue at our August wedding, though not intentionally. For reasons I will never understand, the facility where we had our reception was air-conditioned in every room EXCEPT the banquet hall, a fact we only discovered that day. We cut the cake immediately, but even so it disintegrated. As did our party; we lost guests before we cut the cake. As it was a particularly hot day, I can't even say I blame them. I'd've left too if I could've. It was not a long reception. Perhaps your neighbor's new relative was trying to limit the party? Or maybe she was just an idiot.
#7 is NOT otherwise fine. I don't ever, ever EVER want to have feathers on my cake. Ever. Thank you.
@Classic Steve; Very funny! It quickly became the Ear Worm for me today. Try being at work, working hard while "Where the goods are gross and the wrecks are S**ty!" . Thank you sir, thank you very much. No, really I mean that. Excellent parody!
Thanks for my daily laugh Cakewrecks! You guys rock! Love you so much!
(...and I think these cakes have one more thing in common - I would bet that all of them were done by home bakers, not by professional bakers. Too many people seem to think that creating a wedding cake is nothing more than piling a few cakes one on top of the other and slapping on some icing. Cake decorating 101 = creating a perfectly iced cake as a base to build upon. These cakes here are not iced well. No way are they professionally done.)
@Classicsteve I'm with Cookiemama, that post was begging for a Guns and Roses send-up. Good work!
Next to last headstone: Those birds climbed as high as they could on the wreck.
Why don't they just fly away before the table collapses, and they both die?
(And does anyone else think that it just "LOOKS HEAVY"?)
=^o.0^=
Rubber duckie, you're the one
Who makes my wedding cake disappear
Rubber duckie, good thing I’m awfully fond of you
Rubber duckie, lumps and wire
When I look at you, I see a flat tire
Rubber duckie, think I paid too much
(sorry, no where near SueBee quality!)
That last one doesn't look like stretched skin. I can't tell you what it looks like, but it's a bodily fluid. O.o
i like how many layers/rows of frosting dots they had to use to hide the seam in 2.
No, no, you had it right - rose-shot cake just... urg! The cake was fine, then the decorator's 9 year old said, "Gee, let's make this pretty by stabbing some roses in here like Mommy/Daddy does" and the decorator cared too much about their kiddo's feelings to fix it for the poor bride.
I think I just got poked in the cheek by an imaginary braces wire just with that mention.
Ow.
You ruined it by having that -thing- on the top first. Most of the other ones are passable after seeing the top one. I just keep thinking, "It's bad, but, at least it's not the top one".
Cake number 4, I notice all the blue hearts have cracks down the middle. Given their cake topper, that's not a good sign.
Oh man I don't even know what to say to some of these. They started out nice but ended up some strange mix of weird and strangely fascinating lol. Oh the poor brides..
Sea urchins vs. mutant tribbles. You decide.
The first cake startled me, because I thought it was the Black Soots from "My Neighbor Totoro"!
Cheers,
Storm
On the first one, I was not thinking sea urchins. I was thinking mold, actually. Like "someone left the cake out in the rain" mold.
Nutmeg, you haven't been on this site very long, have you? These are professional cakes. People paid money for them, or at least were asked to pay money for them. That's the whole point of this site. Try looking back through the archives.
AAAAAH
TOO MUCH PINK
HELP
I stopped dead at Cecelia and Maximillian's cake because I'm pretty sure that chocolate cutout on top of the cake is a silhouette of a T-6. Being married to a man who LOVES aviation and also a veteran of many air race/air show events, I'm super sensitive to all things aviation-oriented.
I can only hope if this is the plane Cecelia and Max are going to fly away in s/he has the appropriate flight training (single engine prop jobs) as well as plenty of time-in-type (WWII trainers). That said, I feel that's the nicest part of the whole dang cake.
The "Forever-n-Always" reminded me of things I saw written in the girls bathroom in High School (a LOOOOOONG time ago). The too-many-trusts cake- nicely done, but again, TOO MANY "TRUSTS"... WTF?
The sea urchin cake, the ping-pong ball cake and the shiny-skin cake made me ROTFLMAO ! Too funny!
I see eyebrows crawling on the first cake. That is all.
I stared at the third cake in total bafflement until I made the 'Casablanca' connection - and someone got there before me.
Am I the only one who thinks the black parts on the 1st cake look like drowned rats?