Here Comes The Snide

I can appreciate couples looking for that one-of-a-kind wedding theme to really blow their guests away, but I still think I'd draw the line at "Tornado Victim Chic."

Unless they're planning to have flying debris over the dance floor while the guests drink Hurricanes and play Twister.

In that case?

I am SO IN.

Blame my city slicker upbringing, but I had no idea corn could grow this way:

I guess the baker got an earful about how the bride wanted her cake to POP, eh, Colonel?

And say what you will about wreckerators, but they know that the show must go on. Even when they forget their spatulas and have to decorate the cake in the back of a moving delivery van, on a slalom course, blind-folded, on fire, and using nothing more than a spork and whatever they can scrounge from the bottom of the florist's trash bin.

Aaaaaand scene.

Thanks to Susie, Anony M., & Pat J., who tells me none of that actually happened, but I choose to believe it anyway so I can sleep at night. 

*****

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The Bride And Groan

Today's post is dedicated to all the engaged couples out there. That's right, lovebirds, I thought we might take this opportunity to consider the most important cake of your entire lives: your wedding cake.

Now, I know I feature a lot of wedding wrecks, and I know a lot of folks will point out that asking for a fondant design recreated in buttercream is asking for disaster, but don't you worry. I'm here to help. After all, this is what Leah D. ordered for HER wedding cake:

And look what she got!

It's the tinfoil-covered cookie sheet that really sells it.

Ok, yes, it's a wreck. BUT - did you notice how the inspiration cake was all buttercream, and the wreck itself is fondant? I'm just sayin'. It works both ways.

Now, don't you feel better?

No?

Ok, then how about what Susan A. ordered for her wedding? 

 

 Not a great picture (you don't see mimeographs much these days), but I think you get the general idea.

 And here's what Susan got:

Granted, I'm not sure how this is supposed to make you feel better, but trust me, guys: the REST of us are feeling grrrrr-REAT. (John! Go make some popcorn! These are gettin' GOOD.)

Sara M. wanted her wedding cake to be a hunk a' hunk a' burnin' love:

 

The cake! The cake! The cake is on FI-YUR!

But instead, her cake just suffered from a mild burning sensation and performance issues:

 

Wah-WAAAAH.

(That was my attempt at a slide-rule trombone effect. I know: I'm a veritable foley artist with words.)

And finally, Elizabeth P. dreamed a dream of ribbon-wrapped sweetness for her big day:

...but ended up with something only a mummy could love:

 Ouch. Uh...that's a wrap!

Thanks to all of today's brides and just remember, guys: wreck or Sweet, we're gonna need to see your wedding cake! (Oh, and we're all invited, right? RIGHT?!)

*****

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