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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Missed Marks (348)

Wednesday
Mar082017

Peek-A-WHO?!

Sometimes when I'm bemoaning the fact that most cakes today are just plastic flotsam delivery vehicles...

 

Here's your cake, enjoy! Just don't try to eat that thing. Or that one. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. Or that. 

...Or that.

 

...I remember there's a REASON bakers rely so heavily on flotsam and toys:

Nemo? More like Ne-NO, am I right? 

[Ba-dum-CHA!]

 

I... I think this is supposed to be Spider-Man:

Hold me.

 

Now, see, this would have been perfect if the customer had actually ASKED for a zombie-fied Spongebob:

As it is, I'm pretty sure little Levi needs therapy now.

 

This Darth Vader cookie is so ridiculously pathetic that I actually kind of love it:

  (At least, I hope it's Vader. If not, then I'm never getting those thirty seconds of squinting back. Never EVER, you guys.)

Seriously, it's so bad I want to hug it. 

And I like how the baker just gave up on the other cookie cakes, like she was all, "YOU GET VADER OR YOU GET NOTHING."

 

And finally, let's end with a little mystery:

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

 

Please, you guys, I have to know.

It says "Where Kermet," so of course my first thought was Kermit the Frog. But it's blonde and has four eyes with a giant red clown nose. Or is the red thing its mouth? And why "Where Kermet?" Where Kermet what? Where he stores his wigs? Where he met his untimely demise? 

I went back to Holly J.'s original e-mail, seeking answers, and was delighted to find she'd included a few more angles of the mystery:

....

Well, THAT clears things ups, doesn't it? 0.o

 Hang on. Holly says she thinks this is... MISS PIGGY!? Really? I mean, I guess she must be right, but... How. HOW. How is this possible?

I will not rest until I have answers!

Or until I get tired. Or John gets back with our burritos.

But otherwise, TOTALLY NOT RESTING.

 

Thanks to Sabrina, Kristen O., Sean K., Patrice D., Tori S., & Holly J. for pointing out today's character flaws. We know it's only because you care, guys.

*****

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Thursday
Feb162017

And THAT'S How Baby Zebras Are Made

It's time for another one of our chats, bakers. You know, the ones where I give well-reasoned arguments for why you shouldn't wreck things, and you completely ignore me?

You're like my cats, only armed with piping bags instead of hairballs.

No, Professor Fluffypants, no!

Still, as long as I keep lecturing Tonks and Lily on proper puke placement ("The tile! AIM FOR THE TILE!") I may as well keep tilting at this particular windmill.

 

SO... zebra stripes.

(By Sherry O)

These are zebra stripes, bakers.

 

While these:

...are sperm.

 

I point this out because a lot of you seem to confuse the two:

...and nobody wants sperm on their birthday cake, you guys.

 

NOBODY.

Nope.

 

No, thank you.

 

Nuh-uh.

 

What the...?

 

OH COME ON.
(Who let Professor Fluffypants in here?)

 

Bottom line, bakers: next time someone asks for zebra stripes, DON'T USE BUTTERCREAM.

Use an airbrush instead!

See?
MUUUUCH better.

 

Thanks to Laurie P., Barb, Lauren M., Elizabeth, Amber G., Holly C., D'andra B., Courtney G., & Jana W. for showing us what's black and white and wrecked all over.

*****

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