Prime Candidates

The following are paid political advertisements by the candidates for East Paulsbo Bakery Oversight Commissioner, and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Cake Wrecks or its affiliates.

Friends, when you go to vote tomorrow, consider this: do you want someone loyal, trustworthy, and true overseeing your county bakeries?

"These glasses show I'm smart AND intelligent."

Someone with a firm grip on his patriotism?

"They call me...Blue Steele."

OR....do you want Gretchen Schankhausen?

[Pyscho music]

Ernie Snerdbergler: "I'm Ernie Snerdbergler, and I speak for you, the American people. I stand against plastic flotsam and terrorism. Unlike my opponent, Gretchen Shankhoosier, who I hear speaks French.

So tomorrow, choose hope. Choose AMERICA. Choose...Ernie Snerdbergler.

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Gretchen Schankhausen believes all children should be happy on their birthdays. Not so with Ernie Snerdbergler, who, in case you haven't noticed, has "bergler" in his name.

Do you want a burglar in charge of your bakery oversight advisory boards? Of course you don't.

Gretchen Schankhausen is a life-long baker, community activist, and volunteer frog neuterer.

That shows how responsible Gretchen Schankhausen is. Gretchen Schankhausen cares.

Tomorrow, vote for cake. Vote against robbery. Vote...for Gretchen Schankhausen.

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Gretchen Schankhauser loves devil's food.

Gretchen sound bite: "Oh, Devil's food is my favorite!"

Ernie Snerdbergler, however, loves children, decency, and the American way. Ernie Snerdbergler KNOWS America.

Just look at this video clip of Ernie Snerdbergler playing catch with children on a playground, surrounded by more children, who clearly adore him, and also kittens. Lots and lots of kittens. Clearly, he is the only *safe* choice for your county bakery commissioner.

This November, vote against the devil. Vote for kittens. Ernie Snerdbergler: 'cuz kids love him.

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A "bergler" is trying to steal Gretchen Schankhausen's good name. However, you should know that Gretchen Schankhausen is actually an angel in disguise.

Woodland creatures love Gretchen Schankhausen. Gretchen Schankhausen once healed a blind man by accidentally sneezing on him. Honest.

Plus, Ernie Snerdbergler eats babies for breakfast.

That's a fact.

Note: the above statement has not been proven to be factual.

So tomorrow, if you ever want a disguised angel to sneeze on you, or if you don't want your babies eaten, then vote for Gretchen Schankhausen.

Kit, Kaitlin W., Caitlyn P., Shannon K., Bonnie, Allison, Aimee, & Sarah, just think: after tomorrow, no more campaigning!

Yep, I'll eat cake to that.

Don't Mansion It

Welcome, foolish mortals, to the haunted mansion. I am your host. Your...GHOST....host.

And....I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie,
No other specter can deny,
When a ghoul walks in...

Hm? Oh. (Ahem.) Sorry.

Our tour begins here, in this bowling alley.

As you can see, we have pins and needles to spare. (Muah-ha-haa! Puns killed me.)

Ah, but your cadaverous pallor betrays an aura of foreboding - almost as though you sense a disquieting metamorphosis:

Are these ghosts actually stretching?

Or have they been run over?

Also, what's the deal with this guy?

And consider this dismaying observation:

Strong spirits are a leading cause of gingivitis.

(Look it up.)

We have 999 happy haunts here, but there's room for a thousand.

Any volun...

David, I'm trying to spiel here. Do you mind?

"Is this real life?"

No, David, this is real death. Run along, now.

My apologies.

As I was saying, we find it delightfully unlivable here in this ghostly retreat. Every room has wall-to-wall creeps, and hot and cold running Chills!

The Chills are our resident track team.

Now, as they say, "look alive," and we'll conclude our little tour.

Not that alive.

Oh, and before you go, there's a little matter I forgot to mention:

BEWARE...of shop-lifting ghosts!

"QUICK! Mall security is coming!"

Sunny R., Ticara G., Kartrina R., Jill M., Janet, Annette D., Brady, Jenna A., H.M., & Heidi Y., your ghosts will haunt you until you return...all that stuff they took.