Star Wars: The Next Generation

Remember Katie, the little girl with the Star Wars water bottle who's been unofficially adopted by every geek on the Internet? Well, in Katie's honor, tomorrow is Wear and Share Star Wars Day!

This is a day to rock your Star Wars clothing or accessories, and also to donate a Star Wars or other geeky toy to your local shelter or hospital. Cool, right?

Now, for this special occasion Jen has asked me, Number 1, to write a Star Wars themed post. What Jen doesn't realize (and what I'm not going to tell her), is that I've never seen Star Wars. Ever. But I've seen Spaceballs a whole bunch of times, so I figure this'll be no biggie.

Ok, so, the movie is set in space, "the final frontier", sometime in the future. Luke Skywalter is the pilot for the Star Ship Firefly.

("Oh I'm sorry, we don't make Star Wars cakes at this bakery, but we'll happily make you one with plenty of 'space'." [Yeah. Seriously.])

Skywalter has to save the beautiful Princess Leia from the evil grip of Dark Vader and his Terminators:

"We will destroy Hans Solo by playing checkers."

In order to get past all of the Cylons, Skywalter makes some friends with magical powers:

RD2D, CP3O, and Spider-Man.

RD2D, CP3O, and Spider-Man follow Luke to the planet Vogon. There they find a short psychic Muppet in a swamp:

Slimer.

Slimer tells Luke to "use the force," but Luke doesn't know what that means so he shoots him. (First.) Luke and his gang then go back to the Enterprise to fight Dark Vader and rescue Princess Leia. Again.

But the ship is now underwater, which makes it impossible to turn on their Life Savers.

Dark Vader thinks it's unfair that Luke brought friends to help him fight, so Vader calls a friend of his own:

Accio pixie power!!

But wait! Slimer pops up from the dead and casts lightning into Vader's helmet. Pew! Pew!Vader falls to the ocean floor, and Slimer says, "You killed my father; prepare to die!" Then he crosses the tachyon streams to open a wormhole which sends Vader back to Gozer.

Then Luke, Slimer, CP30, RD2D, Scully, Mulder, and Superman all run to rescue the beautiful Princess Leia a third time, and she proclaims her love for Luke:

And they all live together on the island until John Locke finds himself dead in the coffin.

THE END

Thanks, Amanda K., Anony M., Autumn P., Amanda N., Sarah, Jessica H., Ruth K., and Mattie T. And as the brown coats say, "Live long, and may the force be with you." So say we all.

UPDATE from Jen: Don't miss today's CNN article on Katie, with quotes from yours truly!

Wreck and Roll

Ever thought it was IMPOSSIBLE to have all of your favorite 80s hits in one place? That there was simply NO WAY to hear all of the hottest artists together in one jam-packed jam session? That you could ever only enjoy that much music in some magical world, where thousands of songs could easily fit on a lightweight portable device? Well, you're right. (That would be CRAZY.) So until then, we're offering you the musical deal of a lifetime!!

That's right, with the "Wreckin' Rock Power Mix," you'll never miss a beat. This colossal power-collection comes delivered to your doorstep in 6 dominating power-boxes of 23 LPs or 39 power cassette tapes. That's 846 power-hits!

We'll include the tastiest of licks, like:

"Writing on Sunshine"

"I'm writing on sunshine, whoa-oh! I'm writing on sunshine, whoa-oh! And I bet it tastes good! HeH! Alright now!"

"Love is a Battlefield"

"We are strong! No one can tell us pink's wrong!"

"Dancing on the Ceiling"

"Ooh, what a feeling! When you're dancing on the... seriously, did you notice that this cake was written on upside-down? Really... look at it again."

"Hungry Like the Wolf"

"Lost in the bakery, too pink to hide. I'll cause a toothache right when you take a bite.
Do do dooo do do doo do do doo do do doo do dooo dooooooo."

"She Blinded Me With Science"

"She blinded me with science (SCIENCE!) and failed me in the bakery."

"Tainted Love"

"Sometimes I feel I've got to uhn uhn run away. I've got to uhn uhn get away from all the cupcake cakes you sell to me..."

"Let's Get Physical"

"Crack that whip!"

...and more! You'll never find a more rocktastic compilation of all of the best artists from yesterday and beyond. And if you call now, we'll also include a FREE bonus 8-track cassette of all of the best songs from the 70s! These songs will blast your earholes into another sound dimension!!

"Lean on Me"

"Lean on me... when you're not strong, and I'll be your friend. I'll help you caaarry severaltiersofcakeandfrosting. Andpossiblysomeprincessflotsam!"

"I Melt With You"

"I'll stop the world and melt this food. You've seen the Cake Wrecks, and they're getting better all the time."

and "Crocodile Rock."

"I remember when rock was young. Me and Suzy had so much... DEAR GOD, what IS that thing!?? AAAAAAAgggGHGHH! EEeeeAAAAGHHH!!"

Call now!

Other artists include Emily W., Cassandra B., and Becky W. in the hot 80s trio "The Wreckinettes." Bonus tracks by Susan A., Megan P., Sarah A., and Annie H. from the popular ballad band "Susan and The Wreckies." And of course, no compilation album would be complete without the greatest hits of top rocker hair band, "Possum Wreck Slashers," with vocal styling from Jessica E., Amanda H., and Rachel C. Rock on!!