Prime Candidates
November 1, 2010 Friends, when you go to vote tomorrow, consider this: do you want someone loyal, trustworthy, and true overseeing your county bakeries?
"These glasses show I'm smart AND intelligent."
"They call me...Blue Steele."OR....do you want Gretchen Schankhausen?
[Pyscho music]Ernie Snerdbergler: "I'm Ernie Snerdbergler, and I speak for you, the American people. I stand against plastic flotsam and terrorism. Unlike my opponent, Gretchen Shankhoosier, who I hear speaks French.
So tomorrow, choose hope. Choose AMERICA. Choose...Ernie Snerdbergler.
Gretchen Schankhausen believes all children should be happy on their birthdays. Not so with Ernie Snerdbergler, who, in case you haven't noticed, has "bergler" in his name.
Do you want a burglar in charge of your bakery oversight advisory boards? Of course you don't.
Gretchen Schankhausen is a life-long baker, community activist, and volunteer frog neuterer.
That shows how responsible Gretchen Schankhausen is. Gretchen Schankhausen cares.Tomorrow, vote for cake. Vote against robbery. Vote...for Gretchen Schankhausen.
Gretchen Schankhauser loves devil's food.
Gretchen sound bite: "Oh, Devil's food is my favorite!"
Ernie Snerdbergler, however, loves children, decency, and the American way. Ernie Snerdbergler KNOWS America.
Just look at this video clip of Ernie Snerdbergler playing catch with children on a playground, surrounded by more children, who clearly adore him, and also kittens. Lots and lots of kittens. Clearly, he is the only *safe* choice for your county bakery commissioner.
This November, vote against the devil. Vote for kittens. Ernie Snerdbergler: 'cuz kids love him.
A "bergler" is trying to steal Gretchen Schankhausen's good name. However, you should know that Gretchen Schankhausen is actually an angel in disguise.
Woodland creatures love Gretchen Schankhausen. Gretchen Schankhausen once healed a blind man by accidentally sneezing on him. Honest.
Plus, Ernie Snerdbergler eats babies for breakfast.
That's a fact.Note: the above statement has not been proven to be factual.
So tomorrow, if you ever want a disguised angel to sneeze on you, or if you don't want your babies eaten, then vote for Gretchen Schankhausen.
Kit, Kaitlin W., Caitlyn P., Shannon K., Bonnie, Allison, Aimee, & Sarah, just think: after tomorrow, no more campaigning!
Yep, I'll eat cake to that.
Reader Comments (93)
I am glad I didnt have any coffee in my mouth when I came across the "firm grip on his patriotism" cake! I could have ruined my laptop. I laughed so freaking hard (no pun intended)
And the end of campaigning cannot come soon enough, as I'm pretty sure that watching or reading political ads actually makes me dumber with each new claim.
Thanks for a great post! I especially like the creepy baby cupcakes around the pregnant belly. Nothing like an allusion to cannibalism to celebrate a new life!
Everything west of Lubbock, Texas has seceded from Ernie's map.
Lol! Brilliant XD
I too am against the devil and wish to vote for kittens. (The word verification was "alicat". awesome!)
It took me a while to figure out what the patriotism cake was. At first all I could see was a nose.
The babies, the boobies and the belly.... How could anyone think it, make it or eat it? It's just... wrong.
I love this. I can't wait until tomorrow is over. ugh.
Wow. I've been reading this for a while and this has to be the funniest one yet. You take the cake (pun, ah, intended) for getting the satire exactly right but so over the top (and completely filled with humorous asides. And cake, of course) it's bearable. Because nobody likes an actual political ad.
- V from Mass
That first one is a caricature of John Lennon, isn't it? If not, the wreckerator should just say it is.
"firm grip on his patriotism" and "Blue Steele" made me cry with mirth! If anyone came into my office then, they'd think I'd lost my mind.
Another fabulous post, as always.
Reading, laughing, smiling, and then RECOILING IN HORROR at those baby cupcakes! Augh! What kind of person with eyeballs that work would pick up one of those things and happily bite into it?
Ernie Snerdbergler, that's who.
Firm. Grip. On His. Patriotism!! I nearly died laughing there. And then I saw the last cake... How do you say "I want a baby cupcake!" without feeling weird? You're eating the whole baby. So many levels of wrong... Love it!
Brilliant! (My first comment on CW!) - Teresa
Is it just me or can thise babies at 5 and 9 o'clock use a little butt paste? Nothing worse than eating diaper rash!
I love the "fact" that Ernie Snerdbergler eats babies for breakfast! LOL! I'm surprised an actual politicians hasn't thrown that one out there about their opponent! They're all so ridiculous!
Although, I have to say...I miss the good ole days of regular stateside campaigning. There is a special kind of lunacy to it here in the Virgin Islands.
I swear this is a word-for-word copy of the California governor's race with the names changed. They actually sound like that.
"Gretchen Schankhausen is a life-long baker, community activist, and volunteer frog neuterer...."
That's when I lost it! Glad I wasn't drinking anything at the time or I'd be wiping down my computer screen.
Love it!
But seriously, let's get out and vote tomorrow. We need leadership better than the mentality of these wreckerators. God help us, I hope there's still some smart and sane people still left in the world!
Sharon's Edible Art
If you eat those baby cupcakes, the terrorists win.
Breaking News:
We have a sound clip where Gretchen Schankhausen says of the poor: "Let them eat cake." Now whether that's a snide remark against the poor or a rockin' awesome campaign promise is up to America to decide.
I'm still trying to wonder where in the hell you came up with "volunteer frog neuterer." I think I'm going to have to use that in conversation sometime today!
Am I a horrible person if I say I quite like the pregnancy cake? *hides from rabid Wreckinators*
My image verification thingie is "gumsgul"... The most ineffectual bad guy in LOTR history?
I am constantly amazed how many baby cakes there are and wonder about the sanity of those eating them.
After having reached my limit on all political campaigning weeks ago, all I can say is "You are amazing and I love you for it!"
the first cake looks like someone i know!
EPBOC? "C"? Seriously? What happened to the "T"?
I almost didn't look, as I have had it with campaign crap. Especially the ones who decide to call my 'non-published, private' number at unholy hours. (while I'm sleeping)
Glad I did, as I severely needed the giggles this morning!!
~~Di
Can I just write in Meatwad and have done with it?
I looked up Ernie Snerdbergler on YouTube and it asked me, "Did you mean: ernie terdburglar?"
Yeah.
After seeing all those baby cupcakes I had to wonder who Octomom is plugging.
Don't have any idea who these people are, but this is hysterical!!! I heart Cake Wrecks! Makes me laugh every day!!
I live in Iowa...so while all of you might get a break from campaigning for awhile it will start up again for us in about 6 weeks for the 2012 elections (1st in the nation caucuses and all). Enjoy your break. *sigh* Thank you for the post though - LOL worthy!
The glasses in the first cake don't have a bridge across the nose... how are they staying on?
And with the baby cupcakes... do you go butt first or head first... either way is just wrong! And Nicole totally got me with the butt paste comment! Love it!
if you vote for Gretchen, you vote for ALIEN POD BABIES!!!! they will sprout from cupcakes and eat YOU!!!!!!!
seriously, those baby cupcakes are disturbing. its as if a baker was on meth while looking at an Anne Geddes calender and decided to go on a baking spree.
Every time i read these posts I make sure there are no liquids in my mouth. I learned to do that the hard way... (moment of silence for my previous computer who drowned)
The baby cupcakes -- Oy! Could we not have used picks? That way, the babies aren't consumed and no risk is run that some of them will look like frogs. This may be a first: a case where flotsam *should* have been used.
wv: palin. I am not kidding.
Cake # 4 - Please pass the eye bleach.
Cake # 8 - Ooh, seafood! a la Babies on the half - shell!
wv: scroothu
LOL this is so, so, so, so close to how the campaign ads really sound it's just terrifying...in a hilarious way of course.
Those baby cupcakes are amazing! Disturbing, like nightmares for the rest of my life if I actually ate one disturbing, but amazing. How about these artists stick to ceramic or something non-edible?
I am still wondering on how can someone willingly could bite on those baby cupcakes...
Delicious, delicious babies...
*Standing ovation*
I will be soooo glad when this campaign is over. I can stop the calls asking me if "So and So" can count on my vote. In Oregon we vote by mail, so I voted well over a week ago. I am still getting calls, even though my ballot is turned in, and I couldn't change my vote if I wanted.
Anyway, I love these political commercials, maybe by nest election season we will see real "cake" commercials
That's probably the most disturbing baby cake I've ever seen. It's like a headless torso commanding her army of demon spawn to enact terror on helpless cake eaters.
The angel one isn't too bad though. At least the decorator has a sense of what the shape should look like.
The frogs look as fed up as I am with these TV political ads. Tomorrow can't end fast enough.
Oh, Jen. I so love you. You make my day. Seriously.
Of course, I'm for Devil's food AND kittens. I guess that makes me an Undecided.
What's wrong with the little babies' heads? They have little bumps all over them. Creepy
Ontario's municipal elections were over last week, so thankfully this is no longer our reality. Except for when we watch US television channels... we get the ads and so yell at our TVs, but don't get to vote! Minor technicality of being a foreign country ;)
Love this post-- you got the opponent bashing with no useful platform information down perfectly! (it's getting harder and harder to be an informed voter ).
Firm grip on patriotism took a second glance to truly "get" the point. But oh, was it worth it!! All that was missing was the white stars above it (fireworks, of course LOL)
And that pregnant lady/baby cake... shudder. I don't know what about it was so horrible, but I think that's one of the worst you've posted (the meat baby from the other day being blotted from my mind). And, of course... babies too young to turn themselves over should be BACK TO SLEEP, to prevent SIDS, never placed face-down for a nap. Tummy time when awake is fine (There's your public health message of the day. Guess where I work?).
the baby cupcakes are creepy.. i could never eat that.
also i think i know someone who looks like the first cake lol!!!!
Firm grip on his patriotism *snort* *giggle* ROTFLMBO! Let freedom ring! (ding dong)
"Oooohhh, babies are just so adorable I could eat them up!" was taken out of context by my opponent!
wv: cusliti: I vote for Ernie Snerdbergler cusliti itti bitti babies told me to.
My 7 year old said, "I wouldn't want to eat their butts!" about the baby cake. I wholeheartedly agree! Also, my 4 year old saw the "angel" and asekd "What is that supposed to be?" I told her an angel. "That doesn't look like an angel." So true!
I had to go back & look at the baby cake because of Nicole! LOL! And then noticed that only 3:00 pooped a daisy!
wv: efessit. EPBOC promises to reduce the efessit, or was that raise it?
Phew! No EPCOT yet!