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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen

Entries in Best Of The Best (212)

Friday
Jan122018

Cupcake Cakes: Always Wrecktastic. Always.

I've recently been accused of hatin' on the cupcake cakes. Alright, you got me: I guess I can't hide the truth any longer, and it's time for me to come clean. [sigh] Ok, here goes:

Hi, my name is Jen, and I hate cupcake cakes.

Why? 'Cuz they're ugly.

Don't believe me? Keep reading.

For Shara's birthday her son asked the baker to make a "happy monkey cake" ala Curious George. Now, as a reminder for those of us who haven't watched Saturday morning cartoons in a while, here's what Curious George looks like:

 

And here's what Shara got for her birthday cake:

So apparently what the decorator heard was "Curious George after he's been flattened by a cement truck". That, or maybe he/she was going for an homage to Teen Wolf:

After he was flattened by a cement truck.

 

Yes, I understand that in concept these things are great: no clean-up, equal portions, blah blah blah, but in execution I've yet to see a nice one that wouldn't give you blue poo.

 

Wait - I have to take that back. If you happen to want a skinned Spiderman face, then you're going to love Alyson B.'s birthday cake:

All it's missing are little pegs holding down the edges of his mask. (Yeah, let's call it a mask; that's less disturbing than "face skin".)

 

Or how about this appetizing little number?

According to Mei L., this is supposed to say "Ojai! It's worth the drive!". Now, I would love to ask what the heck "Ojai" is, but I'm way too distracted by the poo souffle on the bottom. Honestly, this thing is in serious competition with the moldy camo cake in my "dry-heave-inducing" category.

 

What's that? You're still not convinced that cupcake-cakes are always wreckalicious? Oh, I get it: you're saying these designs have been too complicated, right? That a simpler design would look better?

Something, for example, like this?

Ah, you're right. This IS better. I mean, "round" is a concept obviously beyond the decorator's grasp, but at least she stuck with plain white frosting. Nik P. was the manager on duty at the bakery where this was ordered (and subsequently rejected). He writes, "As the manager on duty, I immediately took the appropriate action: I took a picture to post on the internet."

I like your thinking, Nik.

 

Have I convinced you yet? No? Ok, my last argument, at least for today's post:

Monique R. sent in this "creative" gem taken by Jen S. You can see that Pokey's head was obviously tacked on as an afterthought: it's not even on the cake board. Plus, the angle of his face makes it look like someone twisted his unnaturally long neck 180 degrees; last I checked, turtles don't walk around facing the sky. From the giant American flag he's resting on, I would assume this was taken around the 4th of July or Memorial Day, both holidays known for their inclusion of... turtles. Erm. Yeah.

Come to the Cupcake-Cake-Hating-Side. We have real cakes.

*****

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Thursday
Jan112018

The Power Of Suggestive

Attention Parents: Today's post contain adult humor - albeit extremely childish adult humor.

 

You know how it goes: you see something, you choke back a laugh, you look around to see if anyone ELSE is laughing, you note that no one is, and then you figure your mind is just in the gutter and you're the only one who sees something a little iffy about the sheep bone on this one-year-old's cake, for example:

[Photo removed at baker's request. (Although *she* thought it was funny; the client did not.) Instead, please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot. And then imagine a sheep holding a giant dog bone at hip level.]

Doooo yoooour "bones" hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?
Can you toss 'em in a sack?
Do they startle little Bo?

Ahem.

The point, my fellow gutter-minded friends, is pointing skyward at the moment - and a little to the right.

But in a more metaphorical sense, the point is I understand. Call it a hazard of the job, but I, too, often see giggle-inducing unmentionables where others see, say, unusually shaped "flowers:"

{Insert stamen joke here}

 

And I'm forced to wonder just how curious Curious George has become to warrant a giant censor dot:

 

Of course, some people are even further down the gutter pipes than I am, as evidenced by those of you (John) who felt this less-than-ladylike graduation bear deserved a mention - or at least a longer gown:

Sew Unseamly! Someone get this bear a Barely There Censor Bear, STAT.

(Btw, I've heard of a nip slip before, but what do you call this?)
(No, wait - don't answer that. There are innocents present.)

 

Ok, I know that one was a stretch - [rim shot!] - but tell me you're not in the LEAST bit curious why a baker decided to do this:

Maybe it's a pun: you know, a trunk down the Gingerbread man's trunks? But then, why does the elephant look so unhappy?

Again, probably best if you don't answer that.

 

Ever see a cake so cute you just want to squeeze it?

Yeah, I'm feeling the exact opposite of that right now.

 

And then there are the cakes that cross over from vaguely disconcerting into outright cringe-inducing:

WHY IS THE END OF IT DIRTY?!!

And... [whimper]... is that a pearl necklace?

Close the internet. We all need showers.
What? No, not together - ok, COLD showers, for some of you.
And maybe a case of Unicorn chasers.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Beth B., Carrie C., Patrick V., Katie Q., Cindy K., & Lesley W. for ruining the song "Butterfly Kisses" for me. No, wait, that was already ruined. Never mind.

*****

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