Buzz Kills

Well, my friends, much like the Indian curry at your last office holiday party, another year has passed. Yep. Another year of joys and sorrows. Achievements and failures. Lifelong dreams and The Last Airbender.

Today is a day to spend in thoughtful introspection, evaluation, and redundancy.

Or you could just drink a lot.

"Woo hooo! So long, 2010, sucka!! Don't let the door hit you on the way out!"

"2011 is gonna be sooo much better!"

See? They put the ribbon on the cake instead of beside it.

So grab your margaritas,

I mean, maracas.

Pop open a bottle of bubbly,

AKA yet another use for the guitar-shaped cake pan.

And ring in the new year with a honey baked ham!

No? This isn't a ham? I was told there would be ham.

Well, take it easy tonight, guys. Have fun, be safe, roast a ham, and we'll see you after the fiesta!

"Fiesta" is Spanish for "mushroom cloud," right?

Thanks to Cabel, Michelle M., Elisabeth B., C.C., Lana, Laux, & Stephanie M., who think that The Last Airbender was a vastly under appreciated gem of the film world.

BWAHAHAHAAA!!!

Just kidding.

Cake After People

What would happen if every baker on earth...[dramatic voice]...disappeared?

This isn't the story of how they might vanish. It's what happens to the cakes they leave behind. This is just part of the journey that will take us to the future of once active bakeries, as well as haunting sites already devoid of taste. Welcome to earth, population: zero.

1 year

after bakers

An abandoned ring and silk flowers bear mute witness to the echoing loneliness...of desolation.

10 years

after bakers

In the depths of bakery windows everywhere, dust gathers. Icing crumbles. With no workers here to clean, once-sweet treats become deadly harbingers of disease.

Sun-bleached displays now resemble so much worn, waxy marble, making it impossible to distinguish what once was a timeless tasty treat.

Uh. Lot of alliteration in this half of the script, huh?

Sound guy: Alliter what now?

Never mind.

100 years

after bakers

Geothermal flash floods bring with them river rock and debris. Amazingly, the petrified pastries persevere.

Seriously? "Petrified pastries persevere?" Who wrote this?

sound guy: I think it was the new guy; he had to finish up when Jerry took leave. Look, just go with it; we're on a roll.

[sigh] Fine.

In dank, darkened displays, filthy, festering folds of fondant mask the moldering malformed mess, made more malignantly misshapen in much...

[throwing script down] Oh come on!!

sound guy: What?

I'm ad-libbing from here. Deal with it.

sound guy: Ok, but you're telling Jerry.

Fine. Let's wrap this up.

10,000 years

after bakers

Yeeeeee-haw!

Come and get it!!

sound guy: Seriously?

Seriously.

Hey Carly T., Tom H., & Clair W., did you know that all these displays are for bakeries still open for business? Seriously.