Like A Bridge Over Troubled Icing

[A group of Wreckerators, some in frosting-smeared aprons, walk on stage and begin to sing...]

When they're leery

Feeling small...

When tears are in...

... their eyes,

Why not buy them all?

All on one side...

Ohhhhh
'cause spa- cing's tou- ou- ough...

[joining hands]

When friends just caaan't beee found!

[soprano solo]

I assure you, that's "Harry Potter!"

[chorus]

Why not pay me now?

I've a fridge full of stubbled otter:

[3-part harmony]

Why not pay me now?

With apologies to Simon & Garfunkle, who we hope will forgive us, and thanks to Liz K., Lynnette W., Paul A., Michelle S., Rachel H., Lexi, C.H., & Katie S. for helping us appreciate the sound of silence.

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Resolution Time

Each January, millions of people around the world use the dawning of a new year as a reason to stop eating HoHos. And each January, millions of people fail miserably.

[shaking fist] (I wish I knew how to quit you, HoHos!)

But not this year...

This year, I resolve to:

Eat more fruits and vegetables.

This counts, right?

Cut down on my caffeine intake.

...especially while baking. It makes your hands shake and there's nothing worse than dropped Bawls.

Take responsibility for my mistakes - even the itty-bitty ones that no one else would ever really notice.

The frownie face shows I'm sincere.

Learn Esperanto.

So I can be more like Captain Kirk.

And finally, stop selling babies on the black market.

...or at least start packaging them better. (Customs can be such a pain in the butt.)

Thanks Rachel T., Lisa, Alicia G., Monique R., Jessica R., Karilee S. Hmm, Captain Kirk, beer and herpes. I think I remember that episode...

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