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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Mar132017

Ken Day Come-Ons: The Squelching

[dimming lights]

[queuing up sexy saxophone music]

[adjusting Speedo]

 

Hey, Bebeh.

How YOU doin'?

 

Today is Ken Day, bebeh doll, and that means I'm here to make all your sexy, sexy dreams come true.

 Except maybe that one.  

(Never again, Cancun.  NEVER AGAIN.)

 

That's right, my sprinkle-coated sugar dumpling, I am about to rock your world ... by dealing you a hand of Blackjack:

Or, wait... this is a hot tub? Oh. Ok. EVEN BETTER. Mrowr.

 

Now, slide that sweet little personality of yours over here, and have an enormous glass of ketchup:

 I warmed up this side of the concrete slab just for you. [eyebrow waggle]

 

What's wrong, my tangy berry sweet tart? Is the concrete not to your liking? 

Perhaps you'd prefer some Satin Ice* sheets?

I don't lounge this casually for just anyone, you know. Mostly because I lack articulated elbows.

(*That one's for you, decorators.)


These boxers are really confining, though, my scrumptious fondant-wrapped cheesecake bite.

Here, let me slip into something a little more comfortable:

You can't see it, but I'm totally flexing for you right now. Unnng.
 

Ahh, I can tell by your dismayed expression that you're thinking EXACTLY what I'm thinking, my honey-drenched pudding pop: this DOES cover up too many of my "finer assets." [wink] Well, don't you worry. I can fix that.

[grunting]

[squelching noises]

 

Ok, my candy-coated cake pop! Prepare to meet ... THE LOINCLOTH OF LOVE:

Take me away, officer; I surrender to YOUR SEXINESS. 

 

Oh, and I should warn you: objects in the rear view are much hotter than they appear.

 [jiggle jiggle]

 

Thanks to Sara O., Sanne V., Mary Ann B., Frank M., Laura S., Renee D., & Lauri M. for helping me retroactively ruin a lot of people's childhoods.

*****

A few years ago, after John and I first published this post, we received an e-mail from readers Charity and Royce. That e-mail contained an audio file. An audio file that, once played, would change our lives forever.

Or at least make us laugh like hyenas for a good five minutes.

So today, for your wrecking pleasure, we present that audio, combined with our original visuals. Turn up the volume, and ENJOY.

 

 

Note from john (thoJ): When I was making this video, I pitched down Royce's voice just a bit for sexiness. When I showed Jen, she asked if I could pitch it way UP. The result is, if possible, even more hysterical.

So I present to you... The chipmunk version!

*****

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Sunday
Mar122017

Sunday Sweets: 10 Kids' Cakes The Adults Will Want, Too

John's been on a baking kick lately, so I've just had strawberry cake for breakfast, minions. Not pancakes, mind you, or donuts or muffins are other socially acceptable morning desserts. I'm talking homemade-buttercream-slathered, jam-filled, multi-tiered CAKE. With strawberry roses on top.

Back off, ladies and gents, this one's MINE.
(And John's taken, too.)

Just to drive the point home, here's a picture of me, defending my breakfast:

(By J'adore Sweets)

OH SNAP.

 

So before this sugar buzz wears off, let me take you through some of my favorite character cakes. And since I usually focus on popular movie or show characters, let's mix things up with some non-copyright cuties, like these:

(By Dolcemente Sheila)

Because how sweet is this furry trio? (Go, Ninja Cat, go!)

 

Or how about this for a swim party:

(By Sweet Mary's)

I've had this in my "to-post" folder for ages. I'm just so impressed by the design; the kids really look 3D!

 

I give horse cakes a rough time during the week - and with good reason - but here's an example of how they SHOULD be done:

(By Paul Bradford Sugarcraft School)

Perfection! I'm a big fan of cartoony animal cakes; it helps to be reminded it's not the real thing come slicing-and-dicing time.

 

Of course, now I'm going to immediately contradict myself by showing you the most ADORABLE, realistic, baby elephant cake:

(By Mr. Sprinkles)

I'm melting. MELTING. Look at those feet!

 

Next I'll break today's "no copyrighted characters" rule (it was really more of a "guideline"), because it's not like I can NOT show you this incredible Tamatoa cake from Moana, right?

(By Ashlee Marie)

Sing it with me, now: "He's so SHINE-AYYY!"

(FUN NON-CAKE RELATED FACT: Did you hear Disney hid Aladdin's golden lamp on Tamatoa's back? Yay Easter eggs!)

 

And while I'm breaking the rules/guidelines, anyone else consider Rainbow Unicorn Pusheen the BEST Pusheen?

(By Laura Loukaides)

I want to hug it and squeeze it and maybe bite its little paws off.

 

I have a feeling little Joa here got along with his birthday cake like a house on a fire:

(By Cherry Red Cake)

And can we talk about those perfectly shaded flames? And the oh-so-subtle "smoke"? And how that water hose does NOT look like the wreck every one of you old-school Wreckies are thinking of right now?

 

Have you heard of Shopkins? I don't fully understand them, but they're these little collectible toys popping up in check-out lines and toy departments everywhere, and I'm fighting a hard battle against being sucked in to the cuteness:

(By De la Creme Creative Studio)

I mean, c'mon. Have you ever seen a more lovable lipstick? And those little gold shoes! Hee!

 

I was talking this week over on Epbot about how we adults should never be ashamed of liking "kid stuff," and one of the commenters, Gwyn, said something fabulous:

"I am not having a mid-life crisis, I am having a second childhood, only this time I have more money and access to alcohol."

YES.

And hey, Gwyn? I found you an equally fabulous cake:

(By Faye Cayhill)

A Cute Cartoon Cactus With Booze, because we're adults and we can, dangit.

Just like eating strawberry cake for breakfast.

And maybe lunch.

WHAT.

 

Hope your week is as sweet as my morning's been, peeps! Happy Sunday!

*****

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