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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Jan112018

The Power Of Suggestive

Attention Parents: Today's post contain adult humor - albeit extremely childish adult humor.

 

You know how it goes: you see something, you choke back a laugh, you look around to see if anyone ELSE is laughing, you note that no one is, and then you figure your mind is just in the gutter and you're the only one who sees something a little iffy about the sheep bone on this one-year-old's cake, for example:

[Photo removed at baker's request. (Although *she* thought it was funny; the client did not.) Instead, please enjoy this lovely picture of Epcot. And then imagine a sheep holding a giant dog bone at hip level.]

Doooo yoooour "bones" hang low?
Do they dangle to and fro?
Can you toss 'em in a sack?
Do they startle little Bo?

Ahem.

The point, my fellow gutter-minded friends, is pointing skyward at the moment - and a little to the right.

But in a more metaphorical sense, the point is I understand. Call it a hazard of the job, but I, too, often see giggle-inducing unmentionables where others see, say, unusually shaped "flowers:"

{Insert stamen joke here}

 

And I'm forced to wonder just how curious Curious George has become to warrant a giant censor dot:

 

Of course, some people are even further down the gutter pipes than I am, as evidenced by those of you (John) who felt this less-than-ladylike graduation bear deserved a mention - or at least a longer gown:

Sew Unseamly! Someone get this bear a Barely There Censor Bear, STAT.

(Btw, I've heard of a nip slip before, but what do you call this?)
(No, wait - don't answer that. There are innocents present.)

 

Ok, I know that one was a stretch - [rim shot!] - but tell me you're not in the LEAST bit curious why a baker decided to do this:

Maybe it's a pun: you know, a trunk down the Gingerbread man's trunks? But then, why does the elephant look so unhappy?

Again, probably best if you don't answer that.

 

Ever see a cake so cute you just want to squeeze it?

Yeah, I'm feeling the exact opposite of that right now.

 

And then there are the cakes that cross over from vaguely disconcerting into outright cringe-inducing:

WHY IS THE END OF IT DIRTY?!!

And... [whimper]... is that a pearl necklace?

Close the internet. We all need showers.
What? No, not together - ok, COLD showers, for some of you.
And maybe a case of Unicorn chasers.

 

Thanks to Anony M., Beth B., Carrie C., Patrick V., Katie Q., Cindy K., & Lesley W. for ruining the song "Butterfly Kisses" for me. No, wait, that was already ruined. Never mind.

*****

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Wednesday
Jan102018

3 Wedding Wrecks That Completely Missed The Mark

So many wedding wrecks happen when a bride asks for a fondant design made in buttercream - but what happens when it's the opposite, and they ask for a buttercream design made in fondant? LET'S FIND OUT.


Here's the buttercream design one bride ordered for her wedding:

She had a Fall theme, so her one stipulation: NO ROSES.

 

Which is kind of ironic, since the store-bought roses ended up being the best part!

Now if only the baker had purchased the whole cake from a store, am I right?

Oh! Hey! I just had a great idea:

1) Take orders
2) Give the orders to a real bakery
3) ???
4) PROFIT

 

Moving on....

 

You've got to love this gorgeous butterfly cake. GOT TO.

Adrianna M. certainly did, and ordered one just like it for her wedding - albeit with a few color changes.

o.0

Not sure which colors you asked for, Adrianna, but I'm seeing red.

 

And finally, Janice H. submitted her daughter's wedding cake with the plea, "Please! Stop laughing. IT STILL HURTS."

Yep, the wedding was just a few months ago, so let's try to be respectful of the lady's pain, ok, guys?
Ok. Here goes:

They ordered this style in purple, with gold ruffles:

So if you're wondering what the dirty spot near the bottom is, that's the "gold" part:

OUCH.

[biting lip]

[eye twitching]

I'm... I'm not laughing, Janice. I'm NOT.

I can't speak for the rest of these yahoos, though. Tch. SO RUDE.

 

Thanks to Patty S., Adrianna M., & Janice H. for the bridal tiers.

*****

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