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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Friday
Jun152018

Bakers Are Bad At Father's Day, Here's Proof

Every year bakeries grow increasingly desperate for Father's Day decorations that don't include flowers, bows, or copious amounts of Justin Bieber appliques - because men are an enigma wrapped in a mystery shrouded in ugly neckties and plastic handsaws, and WHAT MORTAL SOUL COULD DECIPHER WHAT THEY WANT ON THEIR CAKES?

You sure you don't want this, Dad?

 

So instead of using fun patterns or hobbies or whatnot, bakeries invariably go for that trusty old stereotypical Father's Day standby:

Whatever The Hell This Is

 

Then for variety, there are at least a dozen Things That Are Almost - But Not Quite - Entirely Unlike Ties:

 

Sing with me now: "Bakers gonna bake bake bake bake bake and the Fater's gonna fate fate fate fate fate..."

Please note they added the S later - like that fixed it.

 

In all seriousness, this COULD be a giant screw, not a tie. It's like that optical illusion where the duck turns into a rabbit, only funnier, because this one you can drop dramatically on the dinner table and yell, "Who wants a Father's Day screw?!"

(Why yes, holidays ARE a hoot at my house - why do you ask?)

 

Oh! But my favorite - my FAVORITE - is when bakers go completely off script:

It's a remote controlled stingray.

 

A cheese knife, car key, and Star Trek communicator badge (slightly squished).

 

And best of all:

A grisly tableau of Father's Day Past. [shudder]

 

Well, however you celebrate your inscrutable parental enigmas this weekend, minions, just remember: It's not what's on the cake, it's what's in your heart.

And Dod will understand.

 

Thanks to Ian F., Clint R., Melissa D., Darrin B., Erin T., Timothy P., Kristin M., Madalina B., & Jennings L., who know these cakes are like baby, baby, baby whooooa.

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot:

 

Thursday
Jun142018

Old Glory Daze

Today, we celebrate...the American Flag.

 

O-oh, say can you SEEEE? BYYY the bakery light?
How so soundly they failed... to give our flag any meaning:

 

Those brown stripes and blob "stars" ARE a scurr-i-lous sight!

 

And the RED parts they botched... are so def'nitely leaning:

 

And what's that O-VER THEEEERE?!

[cymbal crash!!]

 

Did the BAKER NOT CARE?

[slide whistle!]

 

A goof, what a sight - it's more THAN I can bear.

(Yes. Really.)

 

No WAY does thi-is new-fangled airbru-ush yet blaa-aaaave!

[You know, "to blave?" It means "to bluff."]

[Now, someone fetch me an MLT!]

[Ahem]

 

For the BAND of the THREEEEEE (red stripes)...

 

And the hoooome...of theeeee....WAAAAAAAVE!

(Before you ask: all of today's wrecks were sold right here in the good ol' US of A, on or around American holidays. I also have LOTS more where these came from. [proffering tissue] Tissue, teachers?)

 

Thanks to ToniAnn B., Trace L., Stephanie P., Sarah C., Kelly S., Sharon E., Lori A., Lin Q., & Daniel K. for their flagging enthusiasm.

Happy Flag Day!

*****

Thank you for using our Amazon links to shop! USA, UK, Canada.

And from my other blog, Epbot: