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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Thursday
Mar232017

The Pink Trim Was a Nice Touch

Heidi wanted a pizza cake, and so asked her local bakery to make one. The encounter went something like this:

Heidi: "Hi, I'd like to order a pizza cake, please."

Baker: "A pizza... cake?"

Heidi: "Yes, you know, a cake that looks like a pizza."

Baker: "I'm not following." Heidi: "It's a round cake, decorated like a pizza... but with icing. Lots of places make them."

Baker: "Still not with you."

Heidi: "No, see, it's really simple: it's just a single layer cake, but with icing toppings and sauce and stuff to make it look like a pizza. A pizza cake."

Baker: "Huh. Well, I guess I can make that. But you better bring in a reference photo."

Heidi: "Of a pizza cake?"

Baker: "No, of just the pizza. So I know what kind you want it to look like."

Heidi: "Oh. Well, it can just be a plain cheese pizza, but... sure?"

 

THREE DAYS LATER:

[sigh]

 

And for those of you who like to peer down the road not traveled:

 

 

 

Maybe you dodged a bullet, there, Heidi. Thanks to Heidi L., Greg, Leah R., & Kris D. for proving wrecking baked goods is a pizza cake.

*****

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Wednesday
Mar222017

Completely Inappropriate First Birthday Cakes

I'm pretty sure most one-year-olds will never remember their first birthday cakes, which is why I'm here to provide an invaluable service: reminding little E.J. that her (yes, her) parents got her this:

Any guesses on what EJ will be getting for her 12th birthday?

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, parents, but I think age one is a little young for boys to be discovering their bananas, IF you know what I mean.

And if you don't, just look at this:

Don't worry, George, all monkeys get curious eventually.

 

Things I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Like:
- Cheerful colors
- Cute animals
- Putting things in their mouths
- Pooping

Thing I'm Pretty Sure One-Year-Olds Do NOT Like:
- Guys with guns
- Who are shooting cute animals

 

This next one isn't a first birthday cake; it's a christening cake. So little John was, what? A couple of days old maybe? Right. SOMEONE GET THAT KID A GUINNESS.

Honestly I don't know what all is happening here, or what in that mess is considered edible. And I think I spied a tiny plastic poodle in a Santa hat in front of that tree stump with a face before my brain broke.

(ACTUAL CONVERSATION I JUST HAD WITH JOHN:

John: [seeing cake] "What is THAT? Hahaha! He must be Irish, huh?"
Me: "What?! That is a terrible stereotype! How dare you!"
John: "There's a pot of gold and a shamrock."
Me: [looking] "Oh. Right. Ok, maybe they're Irish.")

 

"But you look good for your age, Levi. Really. And hey, one is the new six months! I read it in Vogue!"

 

Something here just doesn't add up.

 

And finally...

Please let his last name be Johnson. Please let his last name be Johnson. PleaselethislastnamebeJohnson.

 

Thanks to Anita T., Amy N., Jill B., Amber, D'arcy, Vinny A., & Melissa M. for the memorable first impressions.

*****

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