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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Tuesday
Dec112018

What The Fern?

Far be it from me to question the existence of any cake - it's CAKE, after all - but sometimes, when I'm staring with horrified fascination at a spotted vomitous mass one of you found on a display shelf, I have to ask myself: "Hey, what's that little blue duck doing there?"

We may never know what these bakers are thinking/inhaling behind closed bakery doors, of course, but at least their creations make for some fun cake titles!

You know, like:

The Argyle Dog Beat Poet

"WOMAN. Whoah, man. Whoooooah, MAN.
SHE WAS A THIEF.
YOU GOTTA BE LEAF.
SHE STOLE MY HEART AND MY CAT."
[extinguishes cigarette in sponge beard]

 

What The Fern?

Is it your houseplant's birthday?
Did you forget to order a custom airbrush portrait?
NO PROBLEM.
This bakery's got you covered!

 

Suckling Pigs Struggle to Stay Afloat While Mama Stares Wistfully at a Trough of Gigantic Candy Corn:

I'm trying to imagine an occasion for this cookie cake that isn't disturbing.
Trying, and failing.

 

Death By Trash Can (While a Small Penguin Watches):

"Stanley gaped in horror. Someone had thrown away a perfectly good half-jar of mayonnaise! What was the world coming to?!"

(I'm kind of cheating with this one, since it was probably a custom order. Still, it always amazes me when bakeries use stuff like this to advertise on their websites. Just how big of a market IS there for dead bodies sticking out of trash cans, anyway? Or do I not want to know? o.0)

 

Of course, even when you do know what the baker was thinking, that's still no guarantee the wreck will make any more sense.

What's that? You want an example?

Aw, I thought you'd never ask.

Sarah T. asked for her wedding cake to look like a mountain, and with a climbing rope tied at the base to signify "tying the knot."

She got this:

Great yodeling lederhosen!!
I will never look at moldy chunks of insulation or albino ears the same way again.

 

Thanks to Stephen O., Viola D., Jill N., Christy E., Eva F., and Sarah T. for the excuse to use the words "yodeling lederhosen" together. Life achievement, unlocked!

*****

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Monday
Dec102018

Oh Tannen Bums

Don't sweat it, bakers; this month is going to be easy as pie. All you've gotta do is load up on super simple holiday designs!

 

You know, like Christmas trees:

 

and candy canes:

 

Or Christmas trees:

(I see the side silhouette of Ben Franklin. You?)

 

And strands of lights:

 

[rubbing temples] Or Christmas trees:

 

And stockings:

 

Or... Christmas trees?

 

Ooh, hey, or presents! Right? Can't get easier than a square with a bow on it!

Never mind.

 

[gritting teeth] Or Christmas trees:

 

Or candles:

 

Or... OH WOULD YOU JUST DRAW A GREEN TRIANGLE AND BE DONE WITH IT?

Thank you.

Next week: SPACING.

 

Thanks to Erin M., Wildkatt, Jason D., Christy G., Anne H., Anne K., Emma G., Jillian H., Christine, Maureen W., and Janet P., for making like these trees, and confusing the heck out of all of us.

*****

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