Summer Sweeps

We have an exciting new lineup of shows for you this Summer, target demographic viewers! That's right, who needs scripts, stars, or self-respect when you could be watching "Joan Rivers' Surgery Cam," "Bulimic Hoarders with STDs Who Didn't Know They Were Pregnant," or "Temptation Island 12"?

And be sure to set your DVR for these soon-to-be-hits...

An unlikely partnership leads a con artist-turned-Tennis-enthusiast to teach his young Ninja protégé yodeling in...

What a Racket!

Our hot new teen drama, A Lot Like Twilight, features plenty of drama, betrayal, more drama, pale guys who might be vampires, crying, rippling abs, and whatever this is:

Yeah. Dramatic.

And, by popular demand, the star of the much beloved Microsoft Word program, That Paperclip Guy, gets his own reality show! Don't miss the fun as he and his plucky sidekick Bulbous tour the nation, terrorizing interns!

"I see you're trying to write a letter!

BWAHAHAHA!! So. Not. Happening."

You won't want to miss this years hottest, sexiest, steamiest medical drama:

Grey's Podiatry

And finally, for those of you mired in hopeless childhood nostalgia that forces you to hurl money at anything from the 80s or 90s, don't miss our re-boot of the season:

Mighty Morphin Power Fishermen!

So, TV fans, pop the popcorn, grab the remote, and get ready to watch reruns on Hulu! Yeah!

Thanks to Joshua W., Courtney S., Cari C., & Cheryl S. for today's Fail Lineup.

Aw, Poo

Let this be a warning to anyone nicknamed "Peanut."

"Howdy ho!"

"Let's see...we've got a big pitted clump of chocolate icing, and lots of red gel leaking out the cracks. What else does this cake need?

"Oh! I know!"

"More roughage!"

(A pine tree counts, right?)

Suddenly, having my mouth washed out with soap doesn't sound like such a bad thing:

Giving new, literal meaning to a "sh*t-eating grin?"

(Btw, I made sounds I didn't think were humanly possible when I first saw this photo. Kind of a hairball-esque gargle. It was horrifying.)

Bakers, when making chocolate seashells for a wedding cake, here's something to keep in mind:

They *do* make white chocolate.

Bakers, when looking for a quick way to clean the chocolate sauce off your fingers, here's another thing to keep in mind:

Don't do this.

And finally: bakers, when attempting to entice your customers with a sweet chocolate treat, here's the last thing that should be on your mind:

Gnarly poop fingers.

Of dooooom.

Thanks to Ashley/Peanut, Megan E., Tracey S., Kate M., Fabiola I., & Chani, who actually have a band named "Gnarly Poop Fingers of DOOOOOOM." In my mind. Where it's AWESOME.