Tuesday
Jul192011
Summer Sweeps
July 19, 2011 We have an exciting new lineup of shows for you this Summer, target demographic viewers! That's right, who needs scripts, stars, or self-respect when you could be watching "Joan Rivers' Surgery Cam," "Bulimic Hoarders with STDs Who Didn't Know They Were Pregnant," or "Temptation Island 12"?
And be sure to set your DVR for these soon-to-be-hits...
An unlikely partnership leads a con artist-turned-Tennis-enthusiast to teach his young Ninja protégé yodeling in...
What a Racket!
Our hot new teen drama, A Lot Like Twilight, features plenty of drama, betrayal, more drama, pale guys who might be vampires, crying, rippling abs, and whatever this is:
Yeah. Dramatic.
And, by popular demand, the star of the much beloved Microsoft Word program, That Paperclip Guy, gets his own reality show! Don't miss the fun as he and his plucky sidekick Bulbous tour the nation, terrorizing interns!
"I see you're trying to write a letter!BWAHAHAHA!! So. Not. Happening."
You won't want to miss this years hottest, sexiest, steamiest medical drama:
Grey's PodiatryAnd finally, for those of you mired in hopeless childhood nostalgia that forces you to hurl money at anything from the 80s or 90s, don't miss our re-boot of the season:
Mighty Morphin Power Fishermen!
So, TV fans, pop the popcorn, grab the remote, and get ready to watch reruns on Hulu! Yeah!
Thanks to Joshua W., Courtney S., Cari C., & Cheryl S. for today's Fail Lineup.
Reader Comments (82)
What IS that thing on the first cake? I swear, I can't figure it out.
English teacher can't
close what was never opened,
Sobs at quotemark eyes.
wv: bacro
I'll be backro after the commercials.
Oooooorrrrrr.....
The Ninja Vampire that works at a shoe store but fishes on the weekends?
I see a new reality show in the making. Right. Here.
Doughnut Vader scowls.
Where's his red saber? Heck, where's
his ventilator?
wv: altiness
We are not worthy, your altiness.
The second cake is obvious! There was an explosion at the Wassap colorful box making factory. The little colorful boxes fell off the conveyor belt and two workers were knocked over by the blast. Fortunately, the colorful boxes were sturdy enough that they were not damaged by the blast.
Thanks to that first cake, Ninja Vampire Bagels will now haunt my dreams...
Head to Hollywood John & Jen, these are the most original show ideas this season!
I was really hoping that the second cake was a "Where's Waldo" cake... mainly because it took me a minute to find him.
@flying gargoyle...
NINJA VAMPIRE BAGELS!!!!! OMG, I LOVE it!!!
And that foot cake is just creepy -- what is it about body-part cakes that people like to order them so much? Blech!!
.
I was a psych minor in college in the eighties so I can tell you that he second cake is a rorschach cake. Different subjects see different things in the images depicted in the frosting. What do you see...
well, at least they were too lazy to pipe a poo pile on that first cake and instead just plopped a doughnut on there. a yodeling ninja doughnut is much better than a yodeling ninja poo pile!
-your gloriously geeky reader kate
MIGHTY MORPHING FISH MEN *runs off screen, crying/laughing* No, really, *sniff* I'll be fine...just find me in a half an hour and I'll be all good.... ;D
The first cake is not completely terrible, it just suffers from Trochee Fixation (http://xkcd.com/856/). Happy Ninja Donut Tennis Racket Sixteenth!
WHAT was that second one supposed to be???
Sharon
The second cake is clearly two people planking in midair. At a rock concert. Where something exploded. And made everything square. Yep, I'm stickin' to that.
I think the thing on the first cake is Bat-Donut.
And I now want a Mighty Morphin' Power Angler.
Call me a weirdo but I kinda love that it's a nija donut on that first one.
The evil microsoft paperclip getting it's own show is even worse than the Geico Cave Men getting one (I was sooooooo glad that failed)
I don't see anything wrong with the first one. I don't get the joke... but it's not my cake; I don't have to.
Did you notice the 2nd cake says "wassup?" Good question.
I think I'm going to bribe my 11-year-old to be Ninja Donut for Halloween.
I love that the second cake says "Wassup!" Wassup, indeed.
Dan,
I like the ninja donut, too. It's kind of adorable.
That black thing on the first cake looks like a ninja donut!
Love, love the evil paperclip and light bulb! that's funny...I don't care who you are...
wv: beterana
wv: bingim
What? That doesn't look anything like the Microsoft Office Assistant. It's a light bulb.
A ninja and a tennis racket? Someone's stringing us along....
That second cake represents the Fall of Civilization Through the Use of Excessive Telecommunication. While the woman continues to talk (an unfortunate stereotype, the man has already succumbed to inner-ear overload and fallen flat. Their two cell towers (the ying and yang of life) have also fallen, shooting sparks of astonishment all over, while the little squares represent bits (or bytes) of knowledge lost for all time as the Antennae of Communication collapse. The "Wassup?" is the last bit of irony (and a subtle warning) as nothing is up, it's all fallen down.
The third cake was inspirational: I finally saw the light....
The "Foot & Flip-flop Cake" is the visualization of a common expression -- not a leg to stand on...
And last cake is a leaked photo from a classified training film where the Power Rangers attempt to combine their powers to gather food and thus cause an eel-like fish to rise to the surface of a stream. I think that episode is only found on the complete box set.
wv-toedise: a popular summer beach game where participants roll dice with their feet.
Ok, while I love the idea of an evil paperclip and bulb friend terrorizing people, the foot cake is just wrong. It looks as if we are seeing the SOLE of the foot with the toes turned around....Creepy.
I want to know the back-story on the first cake. Doughnut, tennis, superhero, semaphore loving 16 year old?
@BADKarma: "Mighty Morphin' Power Angler"= Awesome!!!
wv: ovessly
These cakes are ovessly wrecks.
I've spent too much time looking at that ninja-donut. At first I thought "little miss ninja", but then I was trying to figure out what is up with its hands. As I was staring at it I began to realize that it was STARING BACK AT ME! And I don't think it likes me! Now I'm a little bit afraid to turn my back on my computer.
Oh yea, these make sense O_o
Hmmm....rippling abs... does that mean John (THoJ) will be staring in 'A Lot Like Twilight'?
I was so stunned by trying to decipher the cake that I didn't even notice the "wassup".
First cake shows an electric bug zapper. Lots of fun to use, and needed for a black ninja vampire bagel! Better install a 9V battery instead of the normal AA.
JMP
I have a total bad-boy crush on that crazy-eye tennis ninja donut thingy. I hope he takes me for a ride on his motorcycle and shows off his nunchuck skillz for me. And then we can have a really bad break-up where he punches holes in the wall and I cyber-stalk him for a while.
Grey's Podiatry!! So much better than the original.
What is UP with the big toe on the foot cake? Is that a spider crawling on there? Who knew arachnids had a sweet fang?
@mel at 10:57
I actually thought to myself, as I was viewing the 2nd cake, "I can't wait to hear Mel's psychological take on this."
Once again, you've managed to explain "wassup." Brilliant!
As a result of wrecks like these, I have vowed to never drink my tea/coffee while sitting in front of my computer...Ninja Vampire Bagel/Donut = AWESOME!
Why is the ninja donut doing semaphore with candles? Is it trying to spell Happy Birthday or "let's play tennis"?
Given the lightning bolt on the handle, I think that's a bug zapper, not a tennis racket. My brother has one. In which case, I think you're being encouraged to zap ninja doughnuts like the pests they are and disdainfully scrape their corpses into the garbage disposal while experiencing the supreme satisfaction of dealing death by electrocution.
-KW
I'm a bit disturbed by the "bulimic hoarders..." - what are they hoarding exactly?!? Ew.
That second cake looks like it was inspired by Robot Chicken.
Is it just me or is bulb man pointing to where his crotch would be, if he had one?
Ow my braiiinnnn...
I'm kinda in love with Ninja Donut. I think he needs to be mohawked baby carrot jockey's sidekick.
wow those are the ugliest cakes I even see on my birthday which is today
you know, I made better cakes with my Suzy Homemaker oven. they looked better too.
This makes me L.O.L.
I'm definitely tuning into these tv shows this summer. :)
"You won't want to miss this years hottest, sexiest, steamiest medical drama: Grey's Podiatry".
No, this should read, "You won't want to miss this years most horrifying, sinister, spine-chilling medical drama: Night of the Living Foot. Watch our star, Big Foot, as he battles foot fungus, blisters, corns, stinky feet, bunions, gout and more. So scarey you won't take your eyes off the screen."
Jackie
Oh, you people make me laugh so much. Not just the wrecks and THOSE priceless comments (always precisely hilarious) - which are gems, by the way - but...the often hilarious comments like, do me in.
NINJA VAMPIRE BAGELS joins the lexicon alongside the camel jockeys! Gotta love Cake Wrecks!
You guys always, ALWAYS crack me up. Not just the wrecks and their totally spot-on descriptions (how do you GET that funny, seriously?) - but...the sometimes hilarious comments accompanying said wreck(s) - they like, do me right in. : )
Omg...I *NEED* a ninja donut. Right now. I'm going to try to figure out how to sew one together.
I believe that those are Lightspeed rescue power rangers. so many different ones.