Finding the Words, Losing the Lunch

For those of you who aren't planning on dumping your significant other this Valentine's day, there's still time left for that ultimate declaration of affection:

"Your love sticks to my socks when I walk in the woods."

Yep. That's love.

Here's an invitation to the Tunnel of Love if I ever saw one:

Er...

The Tunnel appears to have sprung a leak.

Ewww.

And who says you have to express your love for a *person*? Maybe you just really, REALLY love gardening:

He's a rakish sort of fella.

Just beware of cakes that require an explanation, because those can get messy fast.

"Why does the 'I' look like that? Um...well...it's a thermometer! Yeah. You know, for taking your lurve temperature, IF you know what I...where are you going? Come back! I also have Cheerwine!"

Yep, when it comes to the big day, it's all about finding the right words:

These aren't them.

No....

DING DING DING!

We have a winner!

Thanks to Jen M., Sarah A., Zoe C., Vanessa B., Allie D., Sara S., & Erica L. for proving that "huge me," much like the "super bowel," just never gets old.

Breaking Up is Heart To Do

Don't you hate it when Valentines Day rolls around and you're still stuck with that person you kept meaning to break up with, but then they made you a sandwich and you forgot?

So now you have to get that person a Valentines cake, but you don't want to go overboard with the whole mushy sentiment or effort or anything?

Well, never fear, callous jerks! The bakeries of America are here to help.

Of course, there's always the obvious way:

...but suppose you want something a little more subtle to break things off?

Not to worry; you have options.

For the biology major:

"Rrrrrippit! Rrrrip out your heart and throw it against the wall! And then rearrange your intestines into a LARGER heart so I can trample THAT, too!"

Or, for a message with a little more meat to it:

There's a "steak through the heart" joke in here somewhere, I just know it.

How about a little poetry?

Field of excrement
Surrounding a shattered heart:
Evidence crack kills

Now, I know what you're thinking:

That's just offal.

Here's a cake that really says, "Your love turns me upside down!"

That, or "You're an ass!"

One of the two, anyway.

Guess which one I'm going with.

And speaking of "buttering" her up, fellas, have you considered the new "rear view" pendant that's all the rage this year?

Why, you cheeky little devil, you.

Thanks to Sarah H., Caitlin F., Madlyn D., Terri G., Heidi K., & Marc S. for the heart to heart.