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What's a Wreck?

A Cake Wreck is any cake that is unintentionally sad, silly, creepy, inappropriate - you name it. A Wreck is not necessarily a poorly-made cake; it's simply one I find funny, for any of a number of reasons. Anyone who has ever smeared frosting on a baked good has made a Wreck at one time or another, so I'm not here to vilify decorators: Cake Wrecks is just about finding the funny in unexpected, sugar-filled places.

Now, don't you have a photo you want to send me? ;)

- Jen
Monday
Jan162017

Are These Boobs? Do I Censor This? WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE

Minions, all I know about today's cake is that it was for a shower. I'm guessing a baby shower? Though I suppose it could have been for a bridal shower. Heck, this thing's weird enough it could have been for an actual wrap-up-your-hair-and-grab-the-back-loofah shower. I have no idea, is what I'm saying.

Also, can nipples be yellow? I only ask because I don't know if I should censor this thing or not. I mean, maybe those aren't nipples at all, maybe they're... [head tilt]... little sombreros. On cantaloupes. Being held in a purple neck sling thingie.

Which brings me to another issue: is the purple thing supposed to be a bra? Because news flash, baker: bras don't work like that. AT ALL.

Oh yeah, I guess I should show you all the cake, huh? You're probably asking, "Jen, are we there yet?" Which is funny, you asking it that way, because that brings me to the final weird bit:

...are we WHERE yet? Who's asking? What does that have to do with sombrero-wearing cantaloupes in a neck sling? How is any of this shower related? Is this real life? WHAT IS HAPPENING HERE??

[sits back down]
[pats hair into place]

Ahem.

Well, thanks, Cindy W., for leaving us with only questions. I look forward to everyone's myriad hypotheses - and sketches of sombrero-wearing cantaloupes - in the comments.

*****

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Reader Comments (59)

That "bra" might be just a strange neckline.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterClassic Steve

Just yesterday, I was reading about 3D nipple tattoos that are available for women who have undergone a mastectomy and breast reconstruction. Perhaps this cake is celebrating the final stages of Mom's cancer treatment. Mom, are we there yet? Yes we are. Ready to get on with our lives. Good for you Mom!

Or maybe it's just a weird cake.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSuBee

Hypothesis: it's a fake boob necklace, ala Black Adder II in the "Beer" episode. Note that the torso itself is much wider than the purple bra-kini, and that anatomically boobs aren't supposed to be that high (thank goodness, or we'd all choke to death anytime we lay down).

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterSkatie

This just screams pumping momma to me. Those are totally flanges and a bad pumping bra. Soooo... Baby shower cake? (I'm grasping at straws here, guys!)

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCloverMohr

Uhh, those boobs look as though they are on a person's neck, waiting to be transplanted to the proper part of the torso. :/

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentermindy1

Best guess(es):

Baby shower. Because 'mom' + boob-like objects

'Mom, are we there yet': 1. is this pregnancy ever going to end? 2. heard for the rest of your life, mom taxi.

Good Lord, what are those things? (shudder warning) nipple covers, to make nursing less excruciating? :hurk:

On the other hand, the, um, cake doesn't look pregnant. Nursing support party? (just kill me now)

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Cymbals?

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNYCGirl

There are these half cup bras https://m.sunny-dessous.de/implicite-talisman-buestenhebe-23b335.html?variant=7179 but I have no idea how it would fit in with a baby shower or why anyone woukd have giant yellow areolas and nipples.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKeks

So, it kinda looks like nipple shields (used for nursing sometimes). And the "bra" kinda looks like it could be imitating a nursing bra. That doesn't make anything make more sense in terms of cake themes or be better frosting art, but perhaps explains an inspiration?

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLiz

Maybe Cindy W.'s family has showers for their pubescent girls who get their first bra but the girl has to buy the cake. So the cake here is this girl's way of striking back at the tradition by asking if we're there yet, as in "have we reached the stage where I wear purple boob slings with pasty coloured pasties over my low slung nipples yet, Mom?"
So, yes, you should have censored this cake. Unless I'm wrong. ;}

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJake & Me

They are totally nipple shields. I had to use them to help my first kiddo learn to nurse, but only one side at a time lol, and never alone, that's just plain creepy!

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterErin

They look like nipple shields some women use for nursing, the odd purple thing is mildly reminiscent of a nursing bra. Let's all pretend this is about someone's wish to finish lactating.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJubles

It's two babies in a front carrier, sucking on pacifiers. Except they're asleep, so you can't see their eyes. And the pacifiers are in backwards. Yeah, that's all I've got.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterElisabeth

My guess: baby shower cake, mom is expecting twins and they are asking if they are done on their internal developmental journey. And I think those ARE boobs, but I don't know why. I'm sure this is wrong.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnne

Maybe it's a cake celebrating training bras? That's the best sense I can make of "Mom, are we there yet?" on a cake that appears to feature pasties and breasts in some sort of a purple neck sling.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBorg

Imagines squeezing into a contraption like that... Ouch
Go with the sombreros, mami!

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFairly Ridiculous

Something about the "sombreros" look vaguely like nipple shields, which is still a pretty insulting thing to put on a shower cake. Or, they could also be pumping cones (?) :\ Still not a pretty thing for a cake.

Maybe I'm giving them too much credit...?

As for the "bra"... ??? I got nothing.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMegan

I don't know about the nipple shields (why?), but the purple thing is probably a lei. The plot thickens!

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnna T.

It doesn't make any sense whatever. SO, I vote to call this whole sad affair an avante-guarde rendering of a scuba diver in a face mask, who has no IDEA what he/she is doing on a cake blog. And I don't blame him/her for looking terrified.
("Price check!!")
=^-.-^=

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commentersendingtheclowns

The cake is acknowledging that her breasts will be converted into baby bottles as soon as the baby arrives?

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered Commenterlmr

It's twin babies being carried in a front pouch baby carrier thingy, and the babies are wearing sombreros and sleeping while waiting to arrive at their destination. Duh.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBetty Martin

Fried eggs. In a weird basket.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterFM

It's a cake from a tween girl who really wants her first bra, but her mom doesn't want her baby to grow up so fast, so she's set certain physical development criteria before that dreaded shopping trip will take place. The daughter has drawn out what her chest looks like (hasn't yet taken any art class content on perspective and scale; also slightly exaggerated, since that's the way young kids are--"mom, I'm the ONLY one in my class who doesn't have one yet!!!"), in hopes that she has finally met the standard that will allow her to pass through to "womanhood" on this point.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTwinMom

No idea on what it might be, but if you turn it upside down it's the saddest Muppet face ever.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKate

The weirdest nursing bra in 3 time zones. (I was a Baby Registry Consultant at Babies R Us for 5 years).
P.S. And I'm just talking about the shape, I'm not even going there with the color.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterTere

This is clearly a cake from a son asking if they have reached the local strip club! Obviously the theme of said strip club is Mexican - hence the sombrero pasties!!

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMichelle

If you look at it upside down, it looks like a very unhappy Mom.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterShann

But nipple shields don't have nipples on them!!!

I feel like Gomez Addams rant in the police station in Addams Family Values would be appropriate here.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterErica

I'm with the people about a nursing bra and/or pumping bra. But I cannot guess what kind of shower this is, or why they would choose such a weird cake design. Or why the flanges are yellow (they're clear. If you have yellow ones, you should probably wash them.)

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKimberly R

All I'm getting is owl.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterStacey

hmm, to me the "boobs" look like baby bottles.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMelanie

Clearly those are tiny cymbals, ready to be used for Mardi Gras celebrations!!! Lol

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDeb

I think they are funnels. For what, I don't know.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMe

Um, I have no idea what this thing is.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKyle

Scenario:
Kid gets job in bakery. Brings home ridiculously decorated cake each week. Kid's mom threatens to show efforts to CakeWrecks if they get any more absurd. Kid rises to the challenge.
(ie cake was a show-er, not for a shower.)

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMillieP

Omg, the "saddest Muppet face ever" did me in! I was giggling up to that point, but when I got to that, snorting and crying ensued!

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMel

Those yellow things are suction cups that hold things on the wall until the middle of the night.
The purple bra came from Fredricks of Hollywood. ( and probably fell off in the middle of the night.)
And, while this isn't the worst wreck I've seen on this site, it's surely in the top ten.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterDrgns4vr

Those look vaguely like the breast shields that go with Medela breast pumps.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterLisa

It's a callback to the dress Scarlett Johannsen wore to the premiere of Match Point, a dress that had very much that effect. I clearly can't link a picture but it's worth a google.

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCass

Oh my gosh! It IS the saddest Muppet ever!! He's (she's?) sad because he wants the trip to be over. And the reason it needs to be on this site is because the Baker obviously put the words upside down. 😂😅

January 16, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterCarol

There is a weird item i saw years ago that was a bib/bottle holder so men "can share in breastfeeding".
I think they made a joke about it in BloomCounty.

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterPaganduck

Maybe cocktail umbrellas or fried eggs in a purple lei. No idea why.

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered Commentercherocat

This cake has me trying so hard to come up with an idea of what this could be but my brain can't seem to grasp the nipple like objects hanging from what looks like a purple feather boa lmao.

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterArlene Marie

I think the purple thing is supposed to be the neckline of a pull down nursing top. With that kind of shirt, the neck is kind of gathered/ruched and has elastic in it. When you're ready to nurse the baby, you literally pull at the neckline and put it under your breast. You usually only expose one breast at a time, though.

Here's an example of such a shirt. http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/motherhood-maternity-v-neck-nursing-top?ID=4363033&CategoryID=66718&cm_kws=4363033

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterBeth

You know those breastplates that those opera woman who dress like vikings wear....that's what it looks like....

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterNathan R.

I agree with Paganduck, it;s one of those bottle holders that can be "worn" at chest level. And yes, ages ago Bloom County showed Hodgepodge wearing one when he had many babies with Rosebud the Basselope.
As far as the writing? My only guess is that it's asking if the mother's milk supply has come in, or if nursing is finally over with. I really don't know. Maybe ask Hodgepodge.

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterAnne_Hedonia

Paganduck, I saw something like that too, recently. The Beebo. http://www.thebeebo.com

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterKrystine McCants

Hi Jen!! If you turn it upside-down, it reminds of me Maz Kanata :-) Love your site - EpBot too!! Hugs from Ginger in Folsom, CA.

January 17, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterGinger Dillon

How did I miss this post? I must have been sleeping!

OMG! I totally agree with those who state this is quite possibly a "viking breast plate" (literally) OR possibly an upside down weirded out.... something. Personally, I see a MINION - albeit a sad one, but a minion nevertheless.

Who thinks up cakes like these?? The mind boggles! ROTFLMAO - always!

MaryO1230

January 18, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterMaryO1230

Yes, that looks a lot like pumping flanges and an attempt at rendering a pumping bra/flange holder device in frosting. I'm guessing It was a shower cake. Either the mom intends to exclusively pump or the cake makers were trying to get at "using a pump as stimulation to induce labor" (which is a real thing). How...specific, people. Why don't we just get some roses next time, hmm?

January 18, 2017 | Unregistered CommenterJM

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