All Hands On Wreck: Pirate Ship Wedding Cake A Sight For Sore "Ayes"
May 17, 2016 Today's bride had an interesting request for her wedding: she wanted a pirate ship for the cake.
The baker was totally onboard, though, [snerk] and even sent over this inspiration picture so the bride would know what to expect on her Big Day.
;)
You're seeing it now, right? All white, roses... I'll be darned if this isn't pretty elegant!
Ahh, but trim the sails and lash the rigging, ye scurvy dawgs, 'cuz here comes the actual wedding cake our anonymous bride got instead:
;)
OH SHIP
Now that's a cake for private tears.
(Privateers? Eh? EH?)
You know, I could almost forgive the general fold-out-sofa-bed-on-blue-shag-carpet vibe going on here, but I cannot - CANNOT - get past those hysterical little "sails." Seriously. The longer you look at them, the funnier it gets. Like a hippo using a moist towelette square to preserve her modesty.
And that mental image you're having right now? Still not as funny as those sails.
Thanks to my anonymous bride minion, who I'm pretty sure is why the rum is gone. But hey, who could blame her?
*****
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Reader Comments (55)
PERfect title and puns today, Jen! Love it -- thank you for starting my day off right.
And bride -- uh, man, that really blows. Sorry about your wreck and all. Hope everything else went right with the wedding.
Did they use old hotdog buns? Are the rail posts pretzels? we demand answers!
It's the Titanic of wedding wrecks!
That is HORRENDOUS!!! I hope the bride didn't pay for it. And how could the baker actually think that their version looked good?
Hide the rum!!
More Sea Turtles. Needs more Sea Turtles.
It's hard for a pirate to find
Work in these turbulent times
I guess I can make
My work wrecking some cakes
To raise me some nickels and dimes
Aye
PS-In the first millisecond that I scrolled down, I thought I was looking at a chair and I was looking for the cake. I'm easily confused.
Did she kill someone? Because I'd've killed someone.
Are these people effing BLIND???
If I was that bride I wouldn't pay a penny for that.
Is the mainsail held up by a pretzel?
Time for that baker to walk the plank.
Mercy, mercy..me.... LOOK at it.You can't really tell tbe dimensions of this titanic wreck, but in relation to the one that got away, it's OUT THERE, man! Just put some wheels on it, and drive it around the block like the Ding Dong man. Maybe those aren't even sails....I think they might be music stands, and even the band hired for the gig got seasick and bailed ...Sure wish the rum wasn't all gone. But, the fold-out cake idea is quite interesting, now that you mention it, Jen! I'd like to expand on your idea, and make them a real thing! Can't you just see it? A cake that you can cover for travel, then unpack, roll it out, and poof!>Inflatable cake/ mattress....it could happen..=^-.~^=
You gotta admit the baker perfectly matched cake to setting: That freshly-dug-outta-the-shed folding table, the rough sawn wood paneling. The uncovered brown corrugated cardboard the cake's sitting on is a perfect color match for the chipboard taped onto the table's surface!
Jen had the same thought I did -- my initial reaction before scrolling down to read her comments was, "Oh wow -- that looks like a really bad sofa bed!!" That poor bride. Not a rose to be seen. The wreckerator should be made to walk the plank! I think this cake might cause scurvy.
The baker's head can now be found in Bluebride's forbidden chamber...
The water looks good. (It's all icing!)
At first I thought it would have been better if this wreckerator had tried to make an air mattress. But no, that would probably be hideous, too.
I hope the bride and groom got to go on a luxury cruise for their honeymoon. Where they could see a REAL ship and beautifully decorated cakes and food.
Kims, why is the rum gone?!?!?!?!?! As for the actual cake, how can they lie like that?!?!?!?!That should be false advertising, and they should sue.
My daughter and I are very careful to not use LOL with each other unless we actually, literally, DID LOL. Well, I lol'ed here. And then I lol'ed some more because I was thinking about those tiny, little, ineffective sails as i was reading and trying to figure out a use for them, and then the hippo came along, and I lol'ed even more.
Once again, the Bermuda Triangle claims another wedding cake.
To be honest, I come for the commentary on those wrecks! I feel they demanded a standing ovation on this set. And this one belongs at the bottom of the sea! Oof, toss that sucker overboard.
At least the initials are appropriate: C B M
Oh man, I love the whole lot of you guys. Too funny Jen and everyone else.
While definitely a wreck that provides for our entertainment, the bakers who pull this kind of crap should be arrested for fraud.
Why is the rum gone?! Because the bride drank it all trying to make this cake look better. Nice airbrushing though. Initials aren't bad. ORRRRR, the BAKER drank all the rum and this is what happened. Egad. Yo ho, yo ho, a cakey wreck for me!
So, that inspiration photo was what the BAKER sent the customer? Why would you send a photo unless you intended to try to mimic it at least a little bit?
Please tell me her groom wore a puffy shirt to the wedding. That would have helped distract from the cake.
They must have thought pirates were getting married, and wouldn't care what it looked like because everybody would be wearing eye patches and...Oh GAWD.
Say, "This wedding cake is a pirate ship" really fast over and over and you will end up with the truth! (Anyone else ever do that one as a kid?)
The whole thing looks like one big poop deck.
The myriad of expressions my face just went through are probably illegal in forty states and prohibited in another seven.
What is that I don't even.
To be fair, the baker probably started with all the Pirate rum they were supposed to supply.
Ran out, got some more rum delivered, ran out.
Then remembered that they were supposed to make a cake.
And started 4 sheets to the wind.
Grab your tongue with your thumb and forefinger, and say Pirate Ship.... That will explain this wreck.....
So is this a ship cake wreck, or a cake shipwreck?
That looks more like a floom!
My kids said, "It looks like the Simpsons couch."
Seriously almost required the Heimlich maneuver after looking at the "what they got" cake. I feel like I'm pretty well prepared for most disasters, but this one beats them all!
Note to self: Do not eat while reading CakeWrecks!
SuBee's limerick FTW!! Perfect adjunct to Jen's commentary on "the-cake-that-couldn't-decide-what-it-was." (To me it looks like it thought about becoming a pirate ship, then it thought about becoming a representation of the church sanctuary, then a sofa-bed, then an air mattress. It just goes to show; if you don't commit to *something*, you risk failing at *everything*.)
I so want to draw a hippo protecting her modesty with a moist towelette right now...
My sides hurt from laughing - at the cake AND the comments!
High class on the high sea... And by the way, what is that?!?
Okay, I'll admit that sometimes the request vs reality discrepancy is understandable because the original was done by an absolute expert decorator. But this is not a difficult cake! I average ONE cake a year (two kids, eldest is 11, they get a party every second year) and while they're not professional quality, they're pretty damn good for home made. I did one almost the exact same shape as this three years ago and - aarrrggghhhh.
This wreckerator needs to be keel hauled. Were they wearing two eye patches?!?
I did a pirate ship for a wedding cake too.
The whole wedding was pirate themed though, with
the bride and groom dressed as pirates. Thankfully
mycake actually looked like a ship. I cheated
and used paper sails cause it had to travel from PA
to Maryland and I was afraid of breakage with edible
sails
Ahoy - abandon ship, me hearties. All hands on deck to find the baker of this scurvy mess and string him (or her) up in the yardarms.
Well, we know why Jack's rum is always gone. This baker drank it before making this cake.
I hope the bride sued for alienation of confection.
That's the ultimate twist for a cake wreck - the wreckerator was the one who provided the inspiration photo. That the final result was so different is just baffling. Did they not notice, or did they think the bride wouldn't!
Still, being a pirate baker means you're never short of a dough hook. You'll always have one "handy"!
AAAAH Cake Wrecks... never fails to disappoint! LOL!
You think this is a pirate ship
And its visage you do dread,
But rest assured my Cake Wreck friends,
‘Tis but a marriage bed
Where lovers unite wang and yoni
On the frosting sea of matrimony.
For lifelong bliss
The couple, two,
Each says aloud, “Yes, I do.”
Why then, you say,
With furrowed brow, and mouth a frown,
Tell me why this bed is brown.
Here’s the deal, here’s the scoop,
Without two I do’s
‘T all goes to poop,
The marriage goes right down the crapper
It can’t be saved; you’ll have to scrap her.
So here’s to true love and wedded bliss,
You’ve been pronounced, and now the kiss,
And then set sail on the marriage bed,
(Watch out for rough weather; don’t bang your head
Upon the rails
As you unfurl you silken sails),
Off to new adventures, two are one,
(And isn’t reading Cake Wrecks a boatload of fun!)
Ok, maybe the baker that sent the inspiration photo was out sick, or on medical leave, or quit...and the baker that took his/her place had to figure out how to make a pirate ship, and clearly wasn't as skilled as the first baker, so just went with it and came up with something else?
The monogram on the sails is nice...doesn't fit the rest of the cake, unfortunately.
Oh man I so would not have paid for that and the baker should be ashamed. Sending such a gorgeous picture and then giving the bride this horrid thing. Honestly what on earth wreckerator? Lol.