Monday
Jun102013
Help Me, Princess Bride; You're My Only Hope
June 10, 2013 There are times when I get wrecks SO baffling that even I don't know what they're supposed to be.
During these times, I turn to The Princess Bride for help.
;)
"Do you hear that? Those are the shrieking eels."
;)
"That is the sound of ultimate suffering. The man in black makes it now."
(He's just over there, screaming at the mixer.)
;)
"The chocolate coating helps it go down easier."
(We hope.)
;)
"I've just sucked one year of your life away."
;)
"It's the PIT of DESPAAAAIR."
"I'm not saying I'd build a summer home here, but the trees are really quite lovely." ;)
And, of course:
;)
"You ARE the Brute Squad!"
Thanks to Jackie K., Victoria E., Hopkin, Amy J., Lena C., Stephanie, and Amy B. for the inconceivably good time.
Reader Comments (128)
The last cake is referencing the Seahawks #24, Marshawn Lynch. Though I'm pretty sure he would disavow any such thing if he saw that! "Dear God, what is that thing?"
I'm just gonna come right out and admit I don't know what the hell any of these cakes are supposed to depict. The last cake looks a little like someone has attempted to strangle the McDonald's Grimace, who is wearing a football jersey. And seriously, poor Emily. I bet next year she asks for a bag of Oreos in lieu of a cake.
I'm just gonna come right out and admit I don't know what the hell any of these cakes are supposed to depict. The last cake looks a little like someone has attempted to strangle the McDonald's Grimace, who is wearing a football jersey. And seriously, poor Emily. I bet next year she asks for a bag of Oreos in lieu of a cake.
Inconceivable!
I think the first one possibly is supposed to be a box of roses? Grayish flesh colored anorexic roses. Or a nest of baby trouser snakes.
I was waiting with baited breath for "No rhyming and I mean it! .... Anybody want a peanut?"
That being said, I love the references, and this was a great post!
(w)Recks of Unusual Size. Or something like that. They're definitely....unusual.
I found the first one! And it's watermarked! Google Hen's pasta. I guess my second guess was closer.
I teach high school English and one day I quoted a line from Princess Bride and no one got it! A student from another class heard about this and made me a paper fortune teller with quotes from the Princess Bride. Her only instruction was that I had to read them in the voices of the characters. Best gift from a student ever! Proof that The Princess Bride can make even the wreckiest of things better.
Amanda Helms - Great minds derail off the same tracks!
Either that, or we both just failed our Sanity Checks...
I don't know.. #2 looks like a rabbit E.T. to me:)
No love for the Seahawks? (why am I not surprised?). That last cake is a fitting tribute to Marshawn Lynch, Seattle's running back.
Am I the only one that clearly sees that first one as a bunch of little penises? I mean, I can see NOTHING else. Though why they are resting on little eyeglass lens wipey cloths I cannot imagine
Am I the only one that clearly sees that first one as a bunch of little penises? I mean, I can see NOTHING else. Though why they are resting on little eyeglass lens wipey cloths I cannot imagine
1: This is either a really sick & twisted "inside joke" that only the recipient could (maybe/possibly) understand, OR a real order stating that "I want the cake to have giant gray maggots running amok ON a bed of leaves that is ON a slab of red Play Doh that is ON some actual, inedible, LACE. YOU know--my USUAL Friday order!"
2:Beautiful decorating job, considering that it was done by blind gibbon that was being dangled by its ankles, just inches above the cake...
3:"...helps it go down easier." Go down WHAT? What I think is that it would take a plunger--to help it go down the TOILET easier.
4:Poor Emily!! FIRST, a CCC. THEN, a really CRAPARIFFIC decorating job, and FINALLY-the poor girl is only 14! What has she got to forward to for 15, or beyond?! (And they wonder why kids run away to join the circus.)
5:"Cream Cheese Tuxedo." C'mon--who DIDN'T know that? What ELSE could it POSSIBLY be?
6:Those are NOT trees. They are candelabras. Stuck in black clouds. With a lovely inscription written in invisible...
Oh, forget it--I fold.
=^@.@^=
@fluffy-girl - "nest of baby trouser snakes"! *snort*
I looked at that first one from all angles, and I think it's a Christmas tree / portal to Hell. Just a guess though.
I'm not a witch.....Im your wife!
@dutchgirl and mayra - I guess I didn't read down far enough to see that I'm NOT the only one! Yes, it get's worse when you click on it and see the enlarged image :/
Amputated fingers escaping from a bed of green ravioli bottoms. Wins the Creative Horror award.
That first cake is inexplicably obscene. The rest are just disgusting.
Whew! A Google search confirms that I saw what I thought I saw with the first cake. Apparently it's for a bachelorette party. O_O Glad I wasn't invited.
Cake #5 - it HAS to be a cake celebrating someone getting their tubes tied. It just HAS to!
Good grief! That IS a Seahawks football helmet resting on that white padded thingy that attempts to keep the football player's head attached to his body when he is being tackled. The Skittles are being crammed into his mouth via the face mask package and all. …It's…it's…almost recognizable!
@Lizzy:
Wow...! You know, I never THOUGHT to look at it at a different ANGLE! I think you're ON to something there!! As far as I'm concerned, "Christmas tree portal to Hell" is PERFECT!
~("Make it so.")~
=^~.~^=
This is insane. I just turned on The Princess Bride and when I come to Cakewrecks I find this. I love all of your references - it's truly an incredible movie and this is an incredible blog.
Obviously it's a good thing I dropped the "in WA" from my name because I didn't recognize the last one. Are you Seattleites SURE about that??? I'm a Bellinghamster and I don't see it at all o.O
@Naomi ~ Thanks for the perfectly reasonable explanation! Possibly more disturbing even than @fluffy-girl's trouser snakes O.O
@Craig? I think we're gonna need more portable un-see machines... STAT!
@Haiku Joy, Oh how I've missed you! Welcome back!
Well-yay-I found a silver lining in the middle of all the carnage! My eyes were involuntarily jerking themselves away from that last ("Skittles 24") cake, and landed on an ad for pretty BLUE m&ms...!!
MUST.GO, FIND.THEM mmmmmm!
=^u.u^=
Naomi, that was the best thing I've read all day!
Turn your monitor sideways on #1. I think it is supposed to be a Christmas tree on red background. Decorated with baby penises.
As a cake decorator, I have "sort of" seen what happened in #2 before. While I was busy someone else thought they'd write on a cake so they grabbed the icing bag of green. They started trying to write before they realized that the bag had a leaf tip on it. So I think that's what happened with that one...except that somewhere after "Happy" the tip got clogged and they just kept on trying to use it lol.
Here's the link I found where the first one was proudly displayed. Warning, contains more adult images on cakes
http://www.agiesplace.com/SpecialOccasions/tabid/429/AlbumID/1262-17/language/el-GR/Default.aspx
My name is Caroline... you killed my appetite... prepare to die
#3.THIRD CAKE DOWN from the TOP. (And YES, we have to be precise, because they ALL defy logical description.) I just steeled myself and looked at it again, because the first "fly-over" just made me sad. In a sort of "WHATtheBloodyHell IS that pitiful thing?" kind of way...I wanted it to make SOME kind of SENSE. Is it a bear? Is it a bear trying to run (with no feet)? Is it a bear with no feet AND no front legs? Crap. I'm still SAD. Even though-hey, it's just cake...
But who's going to invent the "UNSEE" machine???
=^u.u,^=
You had me at "Princess Bride".
Inconceivable
"Tuxedo Cake" is what kind of cake it is (google it).. not sure what the picture is supposed to be of still.
Obviously I wasn't the only one thinking that first cake was covered in...boy parts.
...which begs the question of WHYYYYYYYY OH GOD WHYYYYY?!?!
If you lean your head all the way to the left, the brown cupcake one looks like an old man with a bushy mustache and misplaced eyebrows. oh and a hairy foot.
So my first response on seeing the first cake was, in fact, "Dear God, what IS that thing?!"
Even before I saw that there was a Princess Bride thing going on here. (I saw it in the FB preview)
My second response was "are we celebrating David's mutilation of the Philistines here?" Because those things look eerily like unsnipped male parts. Why we'd be putting them on pale mint leaves and have them crawling out of a red jacket I have no idea. But hey, maybe that's how you present your future father-in-law with the unusual dowry he demanded.
There's also a freaky resemblance to vienna sausages ... though why we'd want those on a cake I don't know.
Well, thanks to fluffy-girl I now know WHAT those things are on the first cake are supposed to be (For which I will never forgive you fluffy-girl!) but I still don't know WHY?
Perhaps the only explanation is that they are only lying there because they lack the strength to stand.
Just Ewwwwww! But the comments make me laugh, so it's okay.
WAIT!!! I think the chocolate poo thingy is supposed to be a horse! umm.. a 1 legged horse of course (of course!) but I think it's a horse. Ok, maybe I need to go take a nap now. My eyes hurt from trying to figure that one out.
Naomi, zat ez zee best.
"Dear god what IS that thing?"
Doesn't matter which one - they're all pretty much vomitous masses....
Who makes a cake covered in thousands of severed fingers?
#1: Someone REALLY loves Vienna Sausages.
#2: My head hurts.
#3: Cow patties in winter. You can still see a bit of snow on them.
#4: K.I.T.T. is in serious need of a mechanic.
#5: An Octopus skeleton in a tar pit.
#6: Now, when you pick a pawpaw or a prickly pear and you prick a raw paw, well next time beware. Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw. When you pick a pear, try to use the claw!
#7: Just, no.
Jen, you did something right!
To me, the first one looks like a celebration of a mass bris. (I'm trying to be delicate here.)
Cake no. 6 looks like some feeble attempts at Christmas cactii, except they're planted in piles of poo.
The first one is obviously for a bris.
"Uncircumsized penises on a bed of lettuce bursting forth from a red velvet tuxedo jacket. It couldn't possibly be more clear..."
Thank you tuesy. I'm not the only one.
The second one makes me laugh that they tried writing with a dried up pastry bag with a leaf tip still on it. *facepalm*