Friday
May202011
Artsy Fartsy
May 20, 2011 [adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.
[faint applause]
"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, let's begin."Our first piece was painted by Japanese artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"
"It sells for $490,000."Our next piece comes from Swedish craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."
"It sells for $893,000."The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."
"It sells for $10 million."Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."
"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million."Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:
'Summer Daisies for Janet'$7.5 million
'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'$27.5 million
'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'$17.5 million
'Texas'$6.66 million
"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...
'Coffee Cake with Icing'$6.00
Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.
Reader Comments (141)
'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'... yes. So very yes.
It may be dangerous saying this...but does the coffee cake look like a black iced king cake to anyone else!?
This entry was so amazing! It's making me want to change my painting practice and go into cake decorating. Such passion! Such verve! Such...uh...the words escape me.... :)
Is it just me, or does it look like they put gold leaf on some Mounds candy bars for that one cake?
Some real modern "artistry" going on there (and yes, I really mean those quotation marks). :)
The coffee cake with icing looks like it was created in 1997, left in the cupboard under the sink, and just rediscovered now. A side benefit of this is that the bluish mold might be penicillin, so it'll cure what ails you!
wv: dorts Who were the dorts that created these masterpieces?
Whoa! Does the last one just have spent coffee grounds sprinkled on top?
I love the Japanese artist Noh Wei. She was mentored by R.U. Kiddingme.
The "names" of the artists are fantastically clever! Bravo
I kinda like the golden poo bug cake
Today's cakes just leave me baffled?!?! WTF?! What's even more surprising is someone is actually willing to PAY for one of those 'things'!!
wv: dediv - I would dediv it weren't for my morning coffee to get me going!
LMAO!
That second one looks like a banana slug dressed up for a birthday party.
Fezes are cool.
I wear a fez now. Fezes are cool.
Good grief, each one got progressively worse and worse! Now I'm sitting here wondering if anyone actually BOUGHT one!
Joques Onyu--simply genius!!!
I'm pretty sure the things on the gold leaf cake are actually pieces of Almond Roca.
. . . Which, yes, are unfortunately shaped, but delicious.
@Katherine S
No, that's just you. The rest of us think it looks like poo.
(Thanks to the rest of us for letting me pretend I speak for you. I will now stop that.)
If you put 1000 chimps in a room with 1000 tubes of frosting and 1000 cakes for 1000 hours, one will eventually recreate the works of Shakespeare (or maybe Bronwen Weber.)
The remaining 999 cakes will look like these.
Muria, I have no interest in starting an EPCOT, but since you asked a direct question -- they look like almond roca to me. On a side note, I will never eat almond roca again. Perfect aversion therapy.
WV: mayssd -- they really mayssd up these cakes.
That first "cake" is labelled a "Message Cookie" - what type of message is it trying to send?!
"Texas" $6.66 million! Hahahaha!!!
W.T.F.?!?
Seriously. That's the only thing that kept going through my mind. The commentary was awesome though.
And I think "The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez" should be the title of your NEXT Cake Wrecks book.
Those titles were hilarious! I kept laughing as I kept reading. Then I came to "Texas 6.66 million". My boss just looked over at me funny - must stop laughing like a rabid hyena amped up on Mountain Dew/Monster energy cocktails.
The "fez" comment made me snort ... and the coffee cake made me gag. All in all, a wonderful post! :)
I am laughing out loud this morning! Thanks so much!
These cakes truly qualify as abstracts!
I think the "Grilled Cheese Electric Chair" started life as a bouquet of flowers... but I could be wrong.
The second cake could be used as a sex-ed visual for the lesson on STDs. The little squiggles are viruses. Tell me what they are attacking and you pass the quiz.
I think Katherine S is right. That is a king cake, but it had a different color scheme before Mardi Gras. Now they are letting Mother Nature do the decorating. If you're wondering if it's the same toxic mold they found in houses after Hurricane Katrina, yes it is! Good eye!
Oh My!!! That is all... (0:
So, I never post, but, I couldn't pass up the word verification today:
wv worses: I can't figure out which of these cakes is worses!
I'll just bet you always got A's in Creative Writing. :)
I'm usually at work when I visit your site, and it's hard to keep from howling with laughter! Today was especially brilliant. Thank you.
I'm sorry, but any legitimate installation has at least one piece entitled "Untitled XII". That said, I'm prepared to enter the bidding war for "Fez"...
Coffee Cake with icing...bahahahaha best art gallery ever! I'll take them all for the low price of possible indigestion and a bottle of tums. :D lol
I think this is my favorite post! Very well done. =)
Are those Almond Rochas in No. 4?
I cannot say this enough, but I want a fez. Fezzes are cool.
Where is "Ceci n'est pas un gâteau"?
Oh, wait, they all are...
And will these keep like Twinkies, so my investment will rise?
Wow... I actually went to art school, and while there were talented people, there were also a lot of hipsters who created shite EXACTLY LIKE THIS. In fact, I think they may have used the same names for some of their pieces!
Sadly, I have seen worse pieces of 'art' while wandering through the Tate Modern..(yes Damien Hirst, I mean you!)
I hate abstract art O_o
I want 'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'!!!!
Wait, there are ranch flavored bugles?!!!
Fezzes are cool!
~Blue
I love how knowing that the gold-wrapped things are Almond Roca doesn't make them look any less like poo.
Actually, "Texas" makes sense to me.
HEY.....FEZZES ARE COOL!!!!
As are Bow-ties..... ;)
love this!! Thanks for the great laugh this morning!
modern art just isn't what it used to be, eh?
Grilled Cheese Electric Chair is my new hipster band name. Copyright trademark!
ok, ok I get it-you had a bad experience in Texas. But do you SERIOUSLY have to keep harping on it? The humor is really starting to wear off.
As someone who is supposed to be getting a distinguished degree in the field of art history, I shouldn't be laughing as hard as I am. But this is payback to all of my colleagues in the contemporary fields who told me my field wasn't "art."
Anonymous @ 11:20,
It looks like the state of Texas.
Lighten up.
john
Fezes are cool.
hee
Only true artists could appreciate these cakes for the beauty they posses. Ok...I tried to get that out without laughing but it didn't work.
Couldn't pass up the WV: I think that last cake would give you mursa if you even touched it.
What? No Doomsday cakes? Or are you saving those for tomorrow?
WV: restpu - The gold leaf cake looks like the "artist" took a restpu in the middle of decorating it. SWEET!!