Friday
May202011
Artsy Fartsy
May 20, 2011 [adjusting bow tie] "Welcome, gentle beings, to the grand opening of SplüüRff.
[faint applause]
"All of our works here tonight have been created by world-renowned artists, and are available for sale for far more than you can possibly afford. So, let's begin."Our first piece was painted by Japanese artist Noh Wei using traditional oils. Her inspiration was taken from the ocean, mother earth, and the organic nature of the gore splatters in Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers"
"It sells for $490,000."Our next piece comes from Swedish craftsman Joques Onyu. Joques spent three years in isolation to focus on this masterpiece, during which time he subsisted solely on prune juice and Ranch flavored Bugles."
"It sells for $893,000."The much lauded Yuki Grohs is known for her daring and unconventional techniques. This piece, for example, was constructed using squeeze mayo while the artist was blindfolded and spinning around on a wheelie office chair."
"It sells for $10 million."Another avant-garde darling of the art world, the 'Do' Dude uses his trademark combination of gold leaf and 'personal bodily secretions' to both shock and intrigue viewers."
"This mixed-media masterpiece sells for 11.2 million."Please feel free to browse the rest of our gallery, where you'll find even more distinguished masterworks, such as:
'Summer Daisies for Janet'$7.5 million
'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair'$27.5 million
'The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez'$17.5 million
'Texas'$6.66 million
"And, of course, our most coveted new piece...
'Coffee Cake with Icing'$6.00
Thanks to wreckporters Christie R., Aimee W., Alyssa H., Holly L., Laura M., Christy S., Liz C., Anita M., & Stephanie F. for the art attacks.
Reader Comments (141)
Those Lucky Charms = styrofoam packing peanuts.
wv - psinguat: a method of producing, collecting, embellishing, and displaying feces or other excrement, for use in works of art or (rarely) other forms of personal, political, and/or social expression.
Anonymous @ 4:28 (the 2nd A @ 4:28):
You are not alone; I, too saw cicadas on #4. I'm not certain where we are, but I think we are here together.
- MariaTeresa
I think I've been to this gallery. Do they also sell anything by Yoko Ono?
First thought, "I wear a fez now, fezzes are cool."
Second thought, what ugly cakes!
@Everyone who said "fezzes are cool:" Stetsons are cooler. :)
@Everyone who is wondering why the heck everyone is saying "fezzes are cool:" Watch this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=obnblNruPiU
-zacharyK
Lost my appetite...Mmmm... Have an idea... I would print this pics and put on my frezzer, so it would prevent me to eat junk food... Thanks!!!
@zacharyk: that is like one of my absolute favorite moments of doctor who (i mean, other than watching rose and captain jack totally destroy a bunch of daleks in the stolen earth) because someone had to do it, and who better than river bahahahaha! (and, yes, i said fezzes are cool as well earlier (but not as cool as bowties... or stetsons... or... from last saturday.... bunkbeds......))
wv: serse: are they serse about this freaking art?!?!?!?!?! coming from an art major, come on, really. sersely? (i think i will say serse from now on instead of serious when i text lol)
The second one looks like a double headed dingdong with sperm swimming around. Jen, you are hilarious.
To the CW Team:
You are genii! This post is spacey-wacey! Also, HHGTTG and Doctor Who? Can't beat it. Also also I love how there are so many Doctor Who fans in the US! Hailing from Scotland, here =D Silence will fall... yet another paradox - it cannot while you are making the world destroy their keyboards! Wreck on! _l,,l <<*rock hand*
Kind regards,
Pink Peril
Just have to say it--over 100 posts and no one has pointed out that the "lucky charms" are rabbit shaped marshmallows made just for Easter. Obviously, finding those in June, with or without a Fez, is a feat!
@SuBee: (who posits:)
"Not everyone can be open minded enough to open their minds in an open way to the true beauty hidden in these works."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I see your point, dear, but it's been a long day, and I am simply too tired to do THAT much OPENING!
If that *beauty* wants to stay hidden, I say, let's jolly well LET it.
And to this:
"...multi-cultural, inter-faith, chocolate-covered, beauty that can be found within each and every one of us."
I put forth my own philosophy of life (no thanks necessary--keep the change):
"Life is, and always will be, a crap shoot; a multi-colored, inter-breeding, pheromone-covered melange that can be found within each and every back alley ...especially when the *heat* is on (or in). HAVE YOUR PETS SPAYED AND NEUTERED!"
=^~.~^= >^0.o^<
That first one is actually kind of pretty. In a "naughty tentacle" sort of way, to be sure, but it IS kind of pretty...
WV: denoplag - A meaningless yet important-sounding word used by art critics to describe the works of Joques Enyue.
Fantastic!!! Couldn't stop laughing at the coffee cake. LOVE the subtitles!
~Jess
(message from a "family" member):
Heeeyyyyy....wait just a cotton pickin' minute here. Somepin's rotten in SplüüRff.
Somebody gettin a cut the rest of us suckers don't know about?
Look, you're tryin to tell me that
'Grilled Cheese Electric Chair' number is goin off at $27.5 million, right? NOT that he aint worth it dont get me wrong. He'd better be! But the odds sticker itsself says $14.97!!!! Whats up with that, huh? You know sumpin i don't know, and its buggin me. My bookie told me go with the big money entry, and I did. Man...I take a bath on this somebody's gonna wake up with a big hunk of
"Grilled Cheese Electric Chair" in their bed with the frosting all over everything.
=^-,-^=
That last cake could be a tribute to the current season of Doctor Who because I fell silent just looking at it. Then I hope never to remember it again.
Does anyone know if I can get "Bikini Slasher Kill Zone 4: Revenge of the Waxers" via Netflix or Hulu?
@SuBee- you win the interwebs for the day!
@ViolaNut- you win the contract for the hyperspace bypass!
@zacharyK- bless you!! I thought I was missing a joke and now I realize it's just that I missed an episode.
@Craig- it's still slacking.
@Ellen- where's our song? The slacking is contagious, apparently.
-Barbara Anne
wv: noillum
penicillin's cousin usually found on deep fried technicolor pastry/cake hybrids left under the sink in the Epcot/EPCOT/Spaceship Earth bunker too long
Sorry guys, but I actually liked "texas"
Well composed.
But an ugly cake.
There has to be a photoshop filter for it.
HILARIOUS!!! This made my day! A friend and I used to go to a modern art gallery just to laugh at all the craziness passing for "art" - the best ever experience being a "special exhibit" that was up a separate flight of stairs, and when we reached the top, we found the entire room full of identical black canvases... We got several dirty looks from the security people when we felt the need to document the craziness with pictures and a video...
By the way, the "artist" of the Texas one totally fails, because it does actually look like Texas. (I was thinking like airplane view where you can see all the fields...?)
Summer Daisies for Janet - Pls explain!
HUH????
Oh man I don't think I have laughed so hard in ages. Noh Wei lmao... oh those cakes really are priceless..wrecks beyond all imagination.
The captions are particularly brilliant today. And that they can apply to much of what's in more than a few modern art museums and galleries is even better. And the word play with the names-- well, I'm very glad that I learned long, long ago to never ever EVER eat or drink anything while reading your posts. (@Lori, in my case it was having to explain the morning trying-to-hide-the-guffaws. Now the whole team hopes for wrecks every time we order a cake. Sadly, the Costco near us is too competent).
And SuBee-- that was a brilliant post. The commenters are in particularly fine form today!
Texas-- nope, we're not tired of the jokes. Plus it does look like it!
Did Janet follow up those summer daisies with an ax-murderer interactive installation?
Tape worms getting attacked. yup. The squiggles are starting to look like people or something. and I do have to say I rather liked the first cake. It's kind of like some real art pieces of seen, and liked. oy vey, I've gone off the deep end. Or seriously need some sleep…
WV "motthi". I don't know what's the motthi with some of these wreckerators
"The Existential Possibilities of Finding Lucky Charms in June While Wearing Rubber Galoshes and a Fez" would be the absolute greatest idea for a new Doctor Who episode ever (if for no other reason then to see a scene where The Doctor ponders the many mysteries of Lucky Charms while wearing his bowtie, his fez AND a pair of yellow rain boots)
P.S. Speaking of Doctor Who, it looks like that last cake was involved in many extremely brutal fights with The Silence.
And my family wonders why I refuse to pay for a store bought cake!
I'm I picking up some subtle Doctor Who referencing there? Or is that just my over active imagination??
But really. how Bow ties and fezzes be mentioned in the same post without Doctor Who coming to mind?
These cakes are out of this world. So pricy...
I finally got "Joques Onyu". Jokes on you! Ha, Im so slow today.
As another Texas, I still thought that one was funny.
One word for the first cake: Leviathan.
The first 3 look like some sort of intestinal worm to me... :P
Grilled Cheese Electric Chair...great name for a band, right? And I LOVE the artists' names!!!
i....i can't even guess what they were going for on those.
Bah ha ha... "Texas" Brilliant.
@Anonymous 3:00am
I mentioned your comment to my husband and he got quite enthused about the idea. He thought it would be a perfect intro--you know, where the Doctor is galloping around in a field with yellow galoshes and his fez on, muttering to himself something like "Why, they aren't REALLY lucky charms, they're just cereal!" and then the actual adventure begins, and you never hear what he was doing in that field. Something to tickle the imagination. I think maybe he thinks too much about Doctor Who.
Brilliant post! Your best ever! Brava!
~physicsmom
Did people actually buy these?! That coffee cake once looks awful! Yuki Grohs lol.
I didn't know coffee cake was cake with coffee grinds sprinkled on it.
Huh.
the green splotch actually reminds me of the frog my hubby ran over in the driveway the other day...
Oh good Lord, why does the second cake look like an STD?
I am quite familiar with the work of Mr. Wei... you might want to check out the stylings of his Second-Cousin-By-Marriage Noh Avail.
The gold plated turds were almond roca, ya dum dums
I'm hungry for ranch-flavored Bugles now.