Star Wars: The Next Generation
December 9, 2010 Remember Katie, the little girl with the Star Wars water bottle who's been unofficially adopted by every geek on the Internet? Well, in Katie's honor, tomorrow is Wear and Share Star Wars Day!
This is a day to rock your Star Wars clothing or accessories, and also to donate a Star Wars or other geeky toy to your local shelter or hospital. Cool, right?
Now, for this special occasion Jen has asked me, Number 1, to write a Star Wars themed post. What Jen doesn't realize (and what I'm not going to tell her), is that I've never seen Star Wars. Ever. But I've seen Spaceballs a whole bunch of times, so I figure this'll be no biggie.
Ok, so, the movie is set in space, "the final frontier", sometime in the future. Luke Skywalter is the pilot for the Star Ship Firefly.
("Oh I'm sorry, we don't make Star Wars cakes at this bakery, but we'll happily make you one with plenty of 'space'." [Yeah. Seriously.])
"We will destroy Hans Solo by playing checkers."
RD2D, CP3O, and Spider-Man.
Slimer.
Slimer tells Luke to "use the force," but Luke doesn't know what that means so he shoots him. (First.) Luke and his gang then go back to the Enterprise to fight Dark Vader and rescue Princess Leia. Again.
But the ship is now underwater, which makes it impossible to turn on their Life Savers.
Dark Vader thinks it's unfair that Luke brought friends to help him fight, so Vader calls a friend of his own:
Accio pixie power!!
But wait! Slimer pops up from the dead and casts lightning into Vader's helmet. Pew! Pew!
Vader falls to the ocean floor, and Slimer says, "You killed my father; prepare to die!" Then he crosses the tachyon streams to open a wormhole which sends Vader back to Gozer.
And they all live together on the island until John Locke finds himself dead in the coffin.
THE END
Thanks, Amanda K., Anony M., Autumn P., Amanda N., Sarah, Jessica H., Ruth K., and Mattie T. And as the brown coats say, "Live long, and may the force be with you." So say we all.
UPDATE from Jen: Don't miss today's CNN article on Katie, with quotes from yours truly!
Reader Comments (232)
Anyone who can combine Peter Pan, Lost, Harry Potter, Ghost Busters, Star Trek, Star Wars, and Spiderman into one story is pure genius!!!!
Oh my gods, that was utterly hysterical! I must share this with all my fellow geeks!
Oh thank you No 1, that was a wonderful start to a busy busy day!
MC from NZ
I love the Harry Potter and Princess Bride references juxtaposed with a very accurate description of the Star Wars films.
Well done.
*facepalm*
I think this might be the greatest post I have ever seen.
Aww, you mentioned Scully and Mulder and got me excited to see an X Files/ Star Wars smash up!
Life savers and psychic muppets. This is pretty much how I understood Star Wars for the first 20 years.
Geekgasm.
So Darth Vader and Tinkerbell have joined forces. No surprises there. I never trusted that little bit... um, little bitty thing.
WV: enstril
Just looked like a good name for a drug for menopause or PMS or something.
I actually started hyperventilating in horror over the cupcake assortment that had Star Wars mixed with Spiderman!!! Oh the horrors!
But the astoundingly brilliant commentary more than made up for the cake travesties!!
Fraktastic post, Number One. I haven't laughed that hard in quite some time!
Need this reposted with an audio track ... in Valley Girl dialect. That's the way my warped little mind heard it. Like, so awesome.
Okay, now I know for sure I am a geek. I understood every reference. Absolutely hilarious post. Thank you.
LMAO! That was so freakin' funny, #1. Way to capture everything that Jen holds dear and get it "wrong".
Superb work!
Beautiful! Would have been funny if you'd said "may the fork be with you" or something like that.
LOVED this post!! The ending is EPIC!! "And they all live together on the island until John Locke finds himself dead in the coffin." GENIUS!!! LOL
This post is definitely going down in history as one of the CW classics.
ROFL
Best. Post. Evah!
Best. Cake Wrecks. Post. Ever.
Best Post Ever!! I was laughing all the way through! Oh man, I lost track of how many references there were!
LOL, i love all the movie references in this post. i've never seen star wars, but all the movies are on my netflix list. i'll get to the them eventually. i have seen spaceballs, though (in fact, i just bought the dvd)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH I've read since the beginning and this is my most FAVORITE POST EVER!!!! Pure hilarity :D
Holy Saber Streams, Dark Helmet!!!
Sooo lovin' the cross-overs aplenty, especially Firefly references!
Certifiable geek, yes, I am. All references, noted, I did.
Thanks for the trip/lift!
~~Di
Oh! My daughter would love the Tinkerbell and Vader cake! I might have to get her one on purpose. :)
I had to look up a few references, turns out they were all Battlestar Galactica references, but other that that, I'm pretty proud of my innate geekiness. I absolutely loved this post. I think it's probably my favorite.
I have tears running down my face, from laughing! This may be the funniest post I've ever read in here. Thanks for the very good laugh!!
I think I smell BBQ'd dog hair... Aheh...
GENIUS. And is it sad that I'm proud that I understood *every single reference*? I'm such a nerd! :D
...you've never seen Star Wars??!
...at least you've seen Firefly :]
awesome post. :D
I love the Firefly references!
I prefer Jen's blogs, sorry #1. Didn't your parents take you to the movies when you were a kid John? Were you raised in the jungles of the Amazon? NEVER seen Star Wars??? OMG!
Ciao,
VeganGroomer
You are definitely a Cake Warrior, Jen! However as a Star Warrior, you're deliciously hilarious! Or is that deliriously hilarious? Oh, bother......
ROTFLMBO!
My daughter would ask for the Tink/Vader cake. She's 4, and quirky as they come.
the pixie cake is as good as the pink cake for the girl that had vader. thats so funny!
HU.LAR.I.US!!!!!!!! Coming from a major Star Wars geek home, I approve. And was proud to say I knew most of your references and laughed out lout! Tink and Darth. Tisk tisk. Those wreckers....
Well done, Number 1!
Bravo! Loved all the nerdy references!
BEST CAKE WRECKS POST EVER!!!!!!!!
Great post! So fun to see my son's birthday cake (the first one) posted too! Keep up the great work!
This made me laugh so hard, I was to tears. Thank you.
That was pretty much the most awesome and positively geeky post I've ever seen!!
And I know you were intentionally messing up all the geek culture references, but one really bugged me. The planet is called Vogsphere, not Vogon. Y'all can't be disrespecting my beloved Douglas Adams.
Awesome! Amazing! Brilliant! Seriously, this should be made into a movie! So Wrecktacular!
Spider Man? You have got to be kidding! Who would Spider Man with Star Wars?
Tinker Bell and Darth Vadar? Oh WOW!
This is my favorite post of yours! I love all the movie references. Great job!
O...M...G. Been lurking here for a year, but this post did it - I'm coming out! Too funny, finding it difficult to control my shrieks of laughter, which is a little embarassing since I'm at work...
Ha! Did anyone notice that on this picture http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/TPwZ3CKWz6I/AAAAAAAAPHM/91JEbwf5yU4/s400/sarah.ow.star%2Bwars.jpg the plastic at the bottom looks like a row of penis'? I did.
I'm guessing you saw the story on cnn.com about Katie and how you found her mom's blog about it and then blogged about it yourself. Nice going, Jen. :) You helped rescue one more child from being bullied and holding onto the stigma of feeling insecure and unwanted the rest of her life. Wish you could have been around when I was a kid.
Love the Princess Bride reference - that was the only thing good in that mess of wrecks!
I especially liked the Vogon and "Accio" references :)