The Twilight of Our Discontent
April 27, 2009 Unless you've lived under a rock for the past year or so, you know about the vampire lust phenomenon that is Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series. Naturally, it was only a matter of time before a bakery, in an attempt to appeal to the "I'll buy anything with Edward Cullen on it" crowd, decided to recreate the iconic book cover on a cake.
So here's the cover:
Aaaand here's the cake:
I'll give you a moment.
[whistling]
Ready? Back in your chair? Good.
Now, can I appreciate the irony of a vampire cake that sucks?
Of course I can.
Do I mind that the apple is now a red bell pepper?
Nah, not so much.
Would I still like to know what the Wreckerator was smoking when s/he made those flabby-yet-disjointed amoeba arms?
[nodding] Yes, yes I would.
Kelly L., I know you have a stake in this, so I hope you won't be cross when I say looking at this bite-sized sucker is making me downright batty.
[bowing] That's five! Five puns! Mwah-ah-ah!
Reader Comments (233)
I'm not sure which makes me wanna hurl more, the books themselves or this cake, ha ha (sorry, I shouldn't editorialise, but the books really are trash. Not that there's anything wrong with that!! Trash has its place in the annals of literature. Note that I was careful to spell annals correctly).
WV: hymeno
o.O
The puns? They were the wind beneath my wings! The cake? Sucked! (See what I did there?)
Although I'm one of, like, 8 women in America who doesn't care mightily about the Twilight books, that doesn't mean I don't think this cake was very poorly done. I mean, it's just...BAD. Those snake arms are really...something else.
Ick! And just how many bottles of black food coloring did they have to put in the icing? That would be so awful!
This cracks me up!!!
hahahahahahaha.
This has to be some of your most clever comment-writing to date.
Without your explanation, I would have thought the arms belonged to a deflated blow-up doll.
I bow to a master punster!
With all the wiggliness in those arms, I thought I was looking at a CCC.
HAHAHAHAHAHA. That's amazing. I love how the arms are so veiny and shriveled.
Love it! Hahaha!
Wow. Now, I'm all for people giving something the good old college try...but some stones should be left unturned.
that is disgusting... love it!
Woo hoo hoo, hee hee! Those appendages look like my grandmother's gnarley feet cradling a--yes, a red bell pepper.
Kudos on the puns.
All I can say about the cake is, "Wow."
Oh, my! That is one disturbing cake. Those arms, ewwww! They look like they smell.
The puns...BRILLIANT!!! The cake...YIKES!
Holy mother of pearl...I had a flashback to http://bp3.blogger.com/_wGr8njEWjtI/SItc6HVC5II/AAAAAAAAALk/xfEJ7-9YgEY/s1600-h/foot+cake.jpg" REL="nofollow">this!
The cake reminds me a lot more of Snow White than the Twilight cover ...
You know I painted some arthritic hands, just like those on the cake, a few weeks ago as part of a painting of images depicting human suffering!!!
I obviously live on a different planet as I've never heard of the book, anyone else from Zurg?
Love. it.
My 5 y.o. daughter would definitely enjoy your impression of The Count from Sesame Street. As for me, I thought it was all quite punny.
My question is "Who buys these cakes?"....seriously....ugh
...Well! I can certainly say how many Twihards are going to flock here and ogle and shriek about this Wreck. XD
EEEwwwwww!!!! That is awful. I think that looks like a womans legs up in stirrups and blood.....need I say more? Very poorly done!
I know nothing about Twilight (thankfully), but I do know that this cake is suckola.
Angie (from over at www.HalfAssedKitchen.com)
You would think that MAYBE it would occur the wreckerator to do a VERTICAL design to match the orientation of the book.
I contend, when I see something like this, that the "artist" is someone who normally stocks the shelves at the grocery stores and got promoted to the bakery.
haha the cake sucks as much as the series!! xD
Maybe stick-figure arms would have worked better.
And that's a lot of black icing.
It kind of hurts my feelers.
WV: manipess.
Yes. Yes they are.
I know they're trying to make it look like the cover, but who wants to eat that much black frosting? I can just imagine the color that turns your intestines!
I'm a fan of the twilight ads now on the site. Oh google, you're hilarious.
Those arms look like the foot binding cake!
::following behind Jen with my little drum where ever she goes::
BaDumBumpChink!
What I want to know is, why did they make the cake horizontal instead of vertical - you know, like a book cover. Maybe the arms could have stretched out instead of crumpling into a pile.
Oh, also I'm definitely telling my sister to check out this wreck. She's loves the twilight series.
She swears to me that lots of adults read these books.
Gah! How many brushings would it take to scrub all that black icing off your teeth??
I literally gasped out loud and covered my mouth with my hand. My boss probably thinks something terrible happened in my family.
I'm glad to know I'm not the only woman out there who isn't obsessed with Twilight. And this cake just gives me more reason to not like it.
An aside--Cake Wrecks was mentioned on a blog on MSNBC today. Awesome! http://testpattern.msnbc.msn.com/
okay, i'm so off topic, but i'd feel mean putting this on yesterday's post -- can i just say i think "smash cakes" are the dumbest thing? when we were kids, the kid blew out the candles (or adults helped), and your mom gave you a slice -- no smashing or smooshing in the face needed. it just seems like a ridiculous piece of theater, with no point. i've never seen a kid willfully smash a cake. stick finger in frosting, yes; smash, no.
and today? i was also thinking "red bell pepper."
Ok, so maybe I'm one of the few people who's a fan of the Twilight series. Fan, not addict, thanks. But that cake is just horrifying. If you hadn't told me it was supposed to be a Twilight cake, I probably woulda guessed.......well I don't know what I woulda guessed, but it definately wouldn't have been Twilight.
Please count me in the group that can't stand this series either, as well as this cake.
WV: banic
This series and all cakes that pay homage should be banicced!
What the........??!!
That seems to be my response to most wrecks posted! LOL!!!
WTH is that??!!
*shaking head*
This Twilight Fan is crying....how could they wreck that cover so badly?
I vote with the folks who thought it looked more like feet than arms. I haven't read Twilight the series), nor do I intend to since vampromance isn't my genre of choice, but even the worst of books deserves a better cake than this.
The books are not trash. They're wholesome, without any gratuitous sex, and a good read. If they're 'trash', they'd have not become the phenomenon they are.
The cake on the other hand, is trash.
~Amy B.
real vampires don't sparkle
Edward is an abusive jerk and
Bella's not too bright
The cake fits perfectly
You know some 13 yr old out there begged her mom to buy that cake, poor mom.
Maybe the arms are supposed to be the "after all the blood was sucked from the body" version?
*gasp*
On the plus side, they did get a nice lovely black on the icing, which we both know can be a challenge.
I thought the apple looked more like a chili now instead of a red pepper, but I can see that too.
Those arms though.....
OMG, the flabby amoeba arms comment just about made me spit out my drink. Great writing, Jen!